My Story

[candyman111]

First time poster.

I have been married for 3 years, the last 2 of which have been a disaster. Although I know I am not a perfect husband, my wife drinks heavily, sleeps all the time, and our sex life has dwindled to almost nothing.

 

In the last 2 years I have tried, so hard, to make things better, but she has checked out or just doesn’t care what I think. She has told me as much, that it is all about her and that I didn’t even come into the equation.

 

After trying so hard for the last 2 years, I met someone else at work. We began talking via text about our mutual bad marriages before my wife caught me after a week or so and put an end to it. I told her it was nothing intimate or sexual, but it was all of those things, and I didn’t want it to end.

 

Since we work together, I still see her at work everyday, and we still talk, but we do not text since my wife has access to all phone, e-mail and facebook accounts that I have so that she can keep an eye on me.

 

I feel trapped. Handcuffed and in leg irons.

 

I have tried to tell her how I feel, and she is trying to make things better, but the truth is that I am done, but I cannot find it in me to tell her the truth, because I am a little scared of her. What does that say about me as a man? I’m scared of my Wife? She’s never laid hands on me, but she can be so brutal with words and I feel like I will never get out of this marriage without just packing up and moving to another state.

We went away last weekend, trying to rekindle the magic, when all I wanted to do is stay at home and sleep. I’m tired all the time.

 

I don’t even know what the question is here, perhaps there isn’t one, but I just needed to put it out there.

 

Thanks for reading.

[yatsue]

I can see how your marriage is going into the toilet, but "I feel trapped if you don't let me cheat on you with this woman at work" to your wife never goes well. I mean, how did you think this would go over well with anyone? You don't need to entertain other women in order to save your bad marriage, you need out. No one can fix your marriage besides you, although you strike me as a chap who doesn't care to save it. Do you two have children or any assets that tie you down from leaving?

[Coily]

Have you two done any marriage counseling? It may be time for a 3rd party professional to help you two out. Or at the very least give you some legs to stand on if it comes to divorce.

 

You are not in a good place just in regards to you, and the therapist may help you realize some other things you need to deal with as well.

[RainyCoast]

She has told me as much, that it is all about her and that I didn’t even come into the equation.

and? this wasn't your cue to leave, but instead:

I met someone else at work. We began talking via text about our mutual bad marriages before my wife caught me after a week or so and put an end to it.

 

you're both being ridiculous. insisting on keeping a marriage for, what, the sake of being married, each is "so done" with the other, except still expecting the other to act married, in a marriage both have articulated has no value as one.

I feel trapped. Handcuffed and in leg irons.

that's so rich. pray, where are the chains and irons? you want out, leave. what'll she do, divorce you? she won't exactly give you a blessing to eff around married, but you're free to end the marriage and do whatever you please.

 

I feel like I will never get out of this marriage without just packing up and moving to another state.

not sure why you have to move states. you need a divorce atty, and a place to rent.

[Liraele]

Maybe you should go talk to a therapist and see if they can give you some guidance for helping yourself feel better.

[KantSleep]

Send the wife a text or email and tell her you are done, if you can't tell her to her face. It's time to go.

[zippitt]

Ditto the counseling, she needs her own and you need couples counseling. If she has family try to get them involved, sounds like she needs some intervention. If she does not agree you need to start seeking divorce immediately, cover yourself financially especially if you own more than 50% of all your combined assets since you have been married.

[EtrnalOptimist]

I feel trapped. Handcuffed and in leg irons.

 

that's so rich. pray, where are the chains and irons? you want out, leave. what'll she do, divorce you? she won't exactly give you a blessing to eff around married, but you're free to end the marriage and do whatever you please

 

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but Rainy's spot on. Grow a pair and stop cheating.

 

You want in? Work on it. You want out? Tell her you want a divorce, then get yourself a lawyer. Sounds like you'll need one.