Husband looks up ex and other girls on facebook

[Emmy512]

I am very insecure and have a bad habit of looking at my husband's browsing history. He often looks up the same 3 girls on Facebook. One is a girl he dated for 5 years and broke up with a month before he found me. Another is one he was on and off with a long time ago. And then there is another one. He looks them up often. He never talks to them, just looks at all of their pictures. Should I be worried?

[Wolfshook]

It depends on how often. Sometimes we get curious about what other people from our past look like or how they are doing. But I guess even once a month would be too much.

[Jeetsun]

Hard to say. It could be just reminiscing, but i can see how you'd be worried. Really, at this point, all you can do is pay attention to his actions and any unscrupulous behavior. If his interest in you starts to wane then there's reason to definitely be concerned.

[glitterfingers]

I think this is an example of where snooping can be more hurtful/harmful to you than it can be helpful. This isn't evidence of anything unusual nor condemning. This is just him being human - a person with a past. When you love someone, you accept them as they are, past experiences (lovers) included. Your snooping is the thing that made you insecure - but he's not doing anything remotely close to being unfaithful by checking up on people he knew once upon a time. It's an unfortunate reality that he does it, and it's one of those things you're actually better off not knowing about (he doesn't talk about them, so he doesn't miss them and clearly wants to protect you from thinking about their existence anyhow)

[Giblesp]

Your main concern should be the fact that you are violating your partners privacy and trust.

 

Do you think about your exes? Do you have photos of them? Those are your memories and your private space, doesn't mean a good memory or wondering how someone is doing means you want to be with them.

[nutbrownhare]

No, you shouldn't be worried. Nothing in your post suggests that he's having any contact with these women, just looking at their pictures. You are feeding your own insecurity by checking up on him. One of the problems with snooping is that it's easy to read all sorts of stuff into non-issues.

 

If you've any other reason to think he's cheating, that's different.

 

By the way, I sometimes look up old partners just to see how they are, what they're doing etc. I've discovered that two of them have committed suicide in recent years. I really didn't need to know that!

[Andrina]

The only control you have is to make sure you and your husband have a strong emotional connection. Be the best partner you can be and ask for what you need from him if you're not getting it. Don't feel the need to snoop. If he did anything inappropriate in the future, secrets have their way of emerging without snooping.

[journeynow]

I am very insecure and have a bad habit of looking at my husband's browsing history.

 

Can you fix either of these?^

[indea08]

I agree with the others, that you've got to stop snooping. You'll only create problems when there are none. BUT...

 

Seeing as you DO have insecurity/jealousy issues, realistically this is bound to bother you for awhile until you resolve those issues. So, this man is your HUSBAND....can't you just talk to him about it? I'm sure he knows about your insecurities and married you anyways, so why not just make it a lot easier on everyone and say "hey, I noticed you've been looking up so-and-so a lot. Is there something I should be worried about or were you just remembering your younger days?" Once he answers, let it go. Don't make it into anything bigger than that. If he's a good husband, he'll ease your worry and you both can move past this.

[Starlight925]

Honestly, this would bother me. It's not about insecurity or jealousy, but the fact that he's looking up his exes frequently would be too much for me.

 

Obviously, you have reasons to distrust, otherwise you wouldn't be looking at viewing his browser history. Sure, sure, that's wrong, but he's giving you a reason.

 

You need to talk to him, somehow. If you have to tell him you looked at his browser history, then do so, but he needs to know how you feel about this.

 

I would not like this one bit.

[Thecheesecake1]

I agree with LH. I am the queen of insecurity though but the fact that he does it to his ex is a little worrying. Maybe I haven't had good relationships but when I was with my past boyfriend, of two years, I never once typed the two first letters of my previous boyfriends name into that search bar and though I may have had the odd reminder about him I would usually shrug it off or realize how happy I was in the new relationship.

 

Butttttt we all lurk. I feel awful when I see my own Facebook history as it's a centipede of girls on my crushes friend list haha and I'm not even with him!

[Thecheesecake1]

I'm a snide but is there anyway you could possibly do the same and accidentally on purpose get him to find out? Then explain that though it was seedy, you didn't know how else to address it?

[mustlovedogs]

I'm a snide but is there anyway you could possibly do the same and accidentally on purpose get him to find out? Then explain that though it was seedy, you didn't know how else to address it?

 

Don't do this. You talk to him or don't, but don't play games.

[ang3lbing]

Maybe you should have a conversation with him about how nice it is for that to be acceptable. Then you start doing it. What's good for him is good for you...sometimes they don't understand how you feel until they feel it also.

[journeynow]

Can you fix either of these?^

 

More to the point, IF you were a secure person what would you do instead of looking at your partner's browsing history? Imagine that, and give it a go, practice it.