sex trouble?

[alaskajane]

I know this might be a little explicit but I need advice. To put it short, I find it hard to orgasm. I can usually reach that point with myself but with anybody else it's almost impossible. I had only slept with one other person before I got with my boyfriend and it was a drunken one night stand so I didn't have much experience with sex. I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now and I love him but he's only been able to make me orgasm about three times, we have sex almost every night.

When we first started having sex I was niave and thought something was wrong with me, so I faked it. Now, over a year later, I'm still faking my orgasms. I've been getting bored with sex lately because I know it's going to end with me faking it, him actually orgasming and then us going to sleep which leaves me sitting there, awake and sexually frustrated. I know some ways that'll help me achieve what I want but he expects me to orgasm instantly and if I take a while he'll ask what's wrong. I feel like he's very fragile and if I told him I've been faking it this whole time he'll just be a mess and we'll probably fight about me lying. How do I get myself out of this mess that I've gotten myself into?

[Wolfshook]

Why don't you talk to him about what you like in bed? It's nothing bad,actually he should understand that it takes women awhile (and a little more work) to get there. Does he give you oral?

[Andrina]

Explain to him that it takes the average woman 15 minutes to get aroused enough to have an O. Make sure he's performing oral, as many women have better luck in that area than penetration.

[Starlight925]

Stop faking it. Be authentic. As others said, let him know what you like, what it will take for you to get there, and help him help you. Use toys if you have to, or show him how you do it yourself, so he can help you.

 

Any man who cares about you will actually find this very sexy and a huge turn-on for himself, and will want to help you get there. If not, he's outta there.

[Capttrae]

If y'all are having that much sex why not try new things in bed, toys, positions, blindfolds, etc. that may help

[Capttrae]

If you don't have any ideas pull up some training films on the inter webs and get some ideas. Sex is suspposed to be fun not boring

[KantSleep]

Well, you kind of dug yourself a hole with all the faking that has been going on. If you don't come clean, expect to remain sexually frustrated. If you do tell him the truth, he will likely be hurt and/or angry. I can't say I would blame him. Either tell him the truth or move on and don't do the faking with the next guy. That's the best I can offer in the way of advice.

[Starlight925]

Read your other thread, about your boyfriend pitching fits every time you want to hang out with friends or family.

 

So, I think I might see your issue here a little more clearly....

 

Subconsciously, you are afraid to fully let go sexually, because he controls you. And you fake it to please him, because you (subconsciously) are afraid of displeasing him.

 

Not healthy, any of it.

[peanuttbutter]

upon reading your post, i was exactly where you are....which is why I'm here too. you need to talk to your man. i was in the same spot, faked it too but things got bad for me. what happened to me was that i came clean and told him that id been faking it. he got me off maybe 2 to 3 times. we have been together for 5 years now, and we don't have sex at all. we used to be like rabbits lol the moment we saw each other it was on. and we have done it in some risky places for fun. but when i told him the truth and tried to be more open in the bedroom to satisfy my needs, his ego was gone. it was the 'i cant do this anymore... this whole time has been a lie....i cant trust you...". now if i am lucky to have sex with my man its empty for me. i was open to new things and he isn't. he was with one other before me and she was able to get herself to that point with out his help. and he expects that of me too. i feel like i'm sharing to much haha, what i'm trying to say is, stop faking it and be open and honest with your man. sex is meant for 2 to enjoy. and if he isn't up for trying new things then maybe its best to move on. because honestly I'm having a hard time digging myself out of the hole. and i don't want another to go through the 5 years of sexual frustration that i have. i long for his touch. he is not affectionate...intimate...nothing. don't put yourself though this too find someone that connects with you on that level. a healthy relationship needs sex and you shouldn't do it just to make him happy. take if from me.