What is the point of marriage these days...

[greenie35]

It seems like everyone I know (except for one couple) are either in ltr that don't make them happy or are married and completely miserable and/or have ended it abruptly

 

The divorce rate is sky high...

 

Do you think eventually marriage will be phased out completely. It doesn't seem like people respect marriage or enter into marriage for the right reasons anymore. I am beginning to feel like I don't ever want to get married or even commit to anything too serious (like cohabitation). Two friends of mine have been married for about 5 years and they are very happy together...It is so wondeful watching them. That is my idea of what marriage should be like, however from what I've experienced their situation is rare. Anyone else feel the way I do?

[easyguy]

It's more so about comittment than anything else. If you and your gf/bf are having problems early on, and things aren't going smoothly, than I don't think marriage is the best thing to jump into, or even consider.

 

The other day I asked my mom, who's been married to my dad for nearly 25 years, "How did you guys manage to stick together for so long?". She said that you have to learn to like the GOOD things about the person and not the BAD things about him/her. Obviously, everyone is different and likes different things. You have to accept that and not let it get in the way of your life.

 

I guess today, correct me if I'm wrog, the gf/bf thing carries over into the marriage thing, which I think are like apples and oranges. I'm not married and don't have a gf yet, but that is just my observation. You just gotta ask your self a bunch of questions before considering marriage: Can I tolerate living with this person? Can HE/SHE tolerate living with me? Can I accept the facts that arguments WILL arise? Do I truly love this person, so much that I'd go through all this to show her? Above all, Can I commit myself to him/her?

 

And yes, I agree, marriage is not what it used to be... in my opinion.

[Starless]

I feel the same way that you do,marriage used to be a sacred thing and now we've abused so much to the point where it's nowhere near what it used to be.People just jump into it so quick cause they think they are in "love" then they end up getting divorced soon after they got married.People have to learn that marriage is a sacred commitment and not something that should be toyed with or taken lightly.MAKE sure you want to be with that person for the rest of your life before you ask them to marry you.dont be another statistic.

[CarterJonas]

Yes I feel the same as you do, but then thinking about it maybe enotalone is not the best place to ask this question

[gersanos]

I agree with you. A union is not what it used to be. Granted there are those circumstances where violence and/or abuse comes into play as well, but the majority of divorces I've seen are not along those lines.

 

My parent's dated for 3 months, and have been married for 30 years with 4 children. They have made it through thick and thin, and have had there ups and downs, but never has divorce crossed there mind as an option. Half the neighbors that live on my parents street have gone through a divorce in less than 5 years of marriage. What happened there I cannot say for sure. But the filing reasons for divorces are mostly uniformal: irreconcilable differences, aka resentment beyond belief.

 

Much of it crops up from modern day society. When we are raised by our parents we are told how we are the best, that we can always do better in our lives by supporting kids financially and through school and whatever else it may be so they can have a better life, and when we get older it's reinforced by our friends. Some of the girls that I've introduced to my parents or my friends have met (girls I've dated, but not on a serious level) told me that I can do better without even talking with her. I'm sure it's been said to some of the girls that have dated me as well. Mintel International conducted a very in-depth research, and one of the topics covered was relationships. The majority of participants were single, and the number one reason they gave for being single was that they think that they can do better.

 

In our day and age we have unrealistic expectations and we are spoiled beyond belief. Most of my friends, and myself included, are where we are today because of our parents. But if you keep getting things you want, then the bar of expectations will rise. And expectations are pre-meditated resentments, because whenever they are not met, then resentment will crop up, and resentment will kill any relationship, or whatever other aspect you'd like to apply it to. We feel slighted, we hold a grudge, and we don't look back. Funny thing is, the other person doesn't feel your resentment. You are drinking a bottle a poison and expecting the other person to die when you hold a grudge. Only you are affected.

 

Resentment is only a part of it, there is more at stake, but I truly believe that resentment is the number 1 offendor.

[Esprit]

As someone very wise once told me, don't commit to the person, because both of you will ineviatably change more and more and things you used to admire can disappear just as new things can come. Whoever you become will still have to love whoever it is your partners becomes. What are the odds? Commit to the marriage. It's the thing that you will always have in common, that will tie you together.

 

Make sense?

[iloveamarine]

Esprit has a good point. I also believe that people give up on marrianges way too easily. People seemed to get divorced for the dumbest reason, just because they don't want to work things out. I still believe i marriage, but it seems like some people take it as a joke anymore.

[PowR]

I understand where you guys are all coming from, but frankly i think its an extremely negative take on things. Sure the divorce rate is high and thats due to people jumping into things theyr not ready for or havent thought thru. But the thought that this should make people give up on marriage before theyv ever even given it a go is truly miserable! The chance of something not working out is possible in virtually everything we do in life-what u must do making any decision is weigh up all the possible consequences. If theres a good chance of marrying somebody who will make you happy for the rest of our life, youd be an idiot not to take that it even if the alternative consequence is bleek. Whats life about if its not about love??? If marriage becomes a thing of the past, a nation of lonely pensioners is likely to be the future.

[I_love_rain_hugs_and_you]

I believe very strongly in marriage. If marriage is so bad, then why do so many gay people want to marry? There are thousands of gays in multiple countries desparately petitioning the courts and governments for marriage licenses...if gays are so desparate for marriage, then I guess that marriage is still a wonderful thing.

 

Here are some benefits of marriage:

 

1. Security. That includes emotional security and the knowledge that you are loved for the rest of your life, and that your partner will never be with another guy or girl.

 

Also, physical security. Because you are always with your partner, the chances that either or you will be a victim or a crime drop dramatically. ALso, most victims of crime in America are unmarried men...marriage can save them.

 

2. Financial benefits. With two incomes, you can buy a nice home and have nicer things than with one income. Of course there are many families where one partner stays at home...but then they can get a lot more housework done...

 

3. Legal benefits...including visas and citizenship rights, and other legal goodies.

 

4.Being in love, for the rest of your life.

 

I don't know...i don't have time to write down more benefits. But marriage is wonderful, if you work at it.

[annie24]

I feel the same way that you do,marriage used to be a sacred thing and now we've abused so much to the point where it's nowhere near what it used to be.People just jump into it so quick cause they think they are in "love" then they end up getting divorced soon after they got married.People have to learn that marriage is a sacred commitment and not something that should be toyed with or taken lightly.MAKE sure you want to be with that person for the rest of your life before you ask them to marry you.dont be another statistic.

 

I don't think that marriage was ever considered sacred in the sense of love. It was about two people sharing their lives - can the guy make a living? can the woman cook and have babies? Good! This is a good marriage! It never struck me that my grandparents were particularly in love - the man brought home the money, the woman took care of the house - it was more of an arrangement than anything.

 

Besides, back in the day, people didn't live very long anyways. Women died in childbirth, and people, in general, didn't usually live past 50.

 

I think that this newer trend of wanting your parner to be your lover, your best friend, your soulmate, and all those things... it's created very high, and perhaps, unrealistic expectations. I think that previous marriages lasted longer, perhaps, because people had far lower expecatations of the institution.

 

Not that we shouldn't be striving to meet someone that we really love and are compatible with. I do believe in love and marriage and all that other good stuff, but like you all said, it requires A LOT of work.

[greenie35]

I believe very strongly in marriage. If marriage is so bad, then why do so many gay people want to marry? There are thousands of gays in multiple countries desparately petitioning the courts and governments for marriage licenses...if gays are so desparate for marriage, then I guess that marriage is still a wonderful thing.

 

Here are some benefits of marriage:

 

1. Security. That includes emotional security and the knowledge that you are loved for the rest of your life, and that your partner will never be with another guy or girl.

 

---We can only hope right?

 

Also, physical security. Because you are always with your partner, the chances that either or you will be a victim or a crime drop dramatically. ALso, most victims of crime in America are unmarried men...marriage can save them.

 

---where are the statistics on this one? Who says you are always going to be with your partner? Yeah they'll be around but not attached at the hip.

 

2. Financial benefits. With two incomes, you can buy a nice home and have nicer things than with one income. Of course there are many families where one partner stays at home...but then they can get a lot more housework done...

---yay for housework...

 

3. Legal benefits...including visas and citizenship rights, and other legal goodies.

 

 

4.Being in love, for the rest of your life.

---we can only hope right?

 

I don't know...i don't have time to write down more benefits. But marriage is wonderful, if you work at it.[/quote

 

You are idealizing marriage, which is ok I guess...I'm guessing you aren't married or havent been married.

[I_love_rain_hugs_and_you]

Marriage is awesome, and when I get married I am going to happy and blessed every single day of my life.

 

Police officers I know tell me that most victims of crime are unmarried males...I am not a criminologist so I can't confirm that, but I think most criminologists say the same sort of thing. Getting married actually does reduce the chance you will become a victim of crime.

 

IN any case, marriage is as wonderful as you make it. If you can be happy while you are single, you will be happy when you are married. If you are miserable when you are single, well.....

 

The fact that so many gay people want to get married (are desparate to get married) is proof for me that marriage is the greatest thing in this world.

[Mr. B]

Marriage used to be about having kids... not really sure what became of that.

[greenie35]

 

The fact that so many gay people want to get married (are desparate to get married) is proof for me that marriage is the greatest thing in this world.

 

why?

[Gracey_Lee]

Think of how much happier people would be without the commitment of marriage! We should all just have committed relationships, that way we keep our stuff and don't have to spend all that money!