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When he likes pictures of other women all the time


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So I've been with my boyfriend for around three years and we were so loved up, soulmates etc in the beginning. Recently things have been rough and I know he's thought about us breaking up and he says we have no intimacy anymore, but I am putting in so much effort all the time, trying to be closer etc and then all he seems to want is space. We hardly have sex anymore and I saw that he was liking slu*ty pictures and following slu*ty girls on instagram a few weeks ago. When I confronted him about it, he said how can I blame him when we haven't been intimate much recently. The thing is, I'm not the one who has lost interest in sex. I dress up for him, I give him what he wants without ever getting anything in return (you all know what I mean!), I haven't changed, but I feel like he has.


I also saw that he'd liked loads of this trashy girl's pictures, who he met on a rap shoot he was filming about 6 months ago and even wrote 'so beautiful on one. I was really upset about that, and he did seem to feel really bad about how that made me feel and said he'd never even spoken to her since the shoot, he apologised loads, said he was sorry he made me feel insecure about us etc. But about 2 days after this, I noticed she suddenly made her insta profile private. Seemed a strange coincidence to me. There is also a girl he is friends with - they used to date ages ago and I've never met her because she lives in America. I've already been insecure about this girl in the past because I saw he was liking every single picture of her that she posted and I asked him about her. He said I have nothing to worry about, that they're just friends, that she's a wonderful person and that I would really like her if I met her. Anyway, I haven't seen him liking very much of her stuff recently on FB so I thought, that's nice, he's respecting my feelings. However, then I had a look on Instagram after all this recent slu*ty girl loving, and he's been liking her pics there instead, probably not thinking that I would ever see it on there. I feel really betrayed and it seems really sneaky of him. She was over in London recently and he went to see her, spent two days with her, barely contacted me. With all this stuff, and his changing attitude towards me, I just don't know what to do anymore. He's obviously hiding things from me and it feels so awful and dishonest. Sometimes things are so great with us, but I don't know if I can trust him anymore. I feel really undesirable, and like a really sh*t person. I'm obviously not giving him what he wants at all. I feel like he's sitting there looking at other women all day and probably getting himself off over them - he's at home all day, so he has plenty of opportunity to just be doing that and if he is, no wonder he has no time or energy for me sexually. I just don't know what to do. I can't seem to get past it. I know it sounds really dramatic of me, but we used to be so close. I used to be everything to him and he's just trampled all over my feelings of self worth and my trust in the strength of our relationship. He seems to be pushing me away slowly but surely, even though he denies that he's doing that. I'm going mad with anxiety all the time, and trying so hard not to let him see that in case it reinforces his idea that I'm some kind of clingy, jealous psycho now. We've talked about the slu*ty girls, but I haven't dared to bring up this friend of his in any detail and it keeps niggling away in my mind. Please give me some perspective someone - are guys just like this these days? I was in a relationship for ten years prior to this one and I never had any cause to worry in that one. Maybe I'm just out of touch

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No, guys are not just like this these days.


I think your boyfriend has checked out of your relationship. The lack of sex and intimacy - both emotional and physical - indicate that this is quickly falling apart. What is it you're hanging on to, exactly? He doesn't seem to want to be there and you're feeling anxious and unwanted all the time. If he's thought about breaking up and it's not gotten any better since then, you should probably start mentally preparing for the end of the relationship.


You mentioned he's home all day. Does he work from home? Or does he not have a steady job? Do you live together? If so, who's footing the bills?

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Hi there. Thank you for your honest post. On that note it's time to be kind to yourself and think about what is left in this relationship for you when the trust is no longer there and there is no real exchange of intimacy. You deserve the very best and staying in your relationship is going to increase you feelings of not being worthy. Get out there and spend some time with female friends- they will understand and empower you hopefully. I wish you well.

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How long have you loved together? It sounds like playing house is killing the romance. He wants out, he's distancing himself. You can fix him or his eye for the ladies or masturbating etc.


Stop dressing up, policing social media. And most of all stop the self pity. He's not reducing your desirability, self worth etc, He's not 'trampling all over you'. Talking drama and jealousy is not 'intimacy'.


Get out of the house do more. Get in shape. Stop being a martyr and giving bjs, etc. Consider moving out of his place, or kick him out.

Recently things have been rough and I know he's thought about us breaking up and he says we have no intimacy anymore
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The 'liking' other women is only a small part of a general pulling away from the relationship - and I'm guessing THAT'S what's really affecting your self esteem. It's a symptom rather than a cause.


Don't underestimate how damaging it can be to stay in a relationship where there's no trust or intimacy and you feel permanently anxious. Rather than trying to fix the relationship, concentrate on having a good life regardless of what he's doing, get out more, develop your interests and just do what it takes to feel better about yourself. Then, when it does end - and sadly that looks pretty inevitable - you'll be much better placed than if you'd stayed focused on him and made him the source of all the good things in your life.


You've done your best for this guy, and it's just that you're trying very hard with someone who just isn't that interested. Don't be that girl!

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Thanks for all your advice everyone. We do live together, and he is self employed as a filmmaker/camera operator. Work has been sporadic recently and I know that he's been depressed about that because he feels he's failing. He owns the house, doesn't have a mortgage and he only asks for £100 per month rent from me to cover bills. I've got my own interests and hobbies, crafts and dancing and I've been going to the gym the last couple of months too, mainly just have an outlet, something to make me feel good. I made sure I was out all weekend last weekend to give him and myself some breathing space, so I'm not a sad loser who has nothing to do, but I do feel I've been putting in too much effort and I should just stop that. I'm going to keep living for myself, and I really do hope that things do work out with us. Last night was great - we were close, emotionally and physically - he was like a new man, attentive, affectionate, making time for great sex focused on me, laughing and happy. The reason? He's just secured loads of work and doesn't have to worry about money for a while. Maybe it really is just depression that makes him so distant and I shouldn't take everything so personally. I'm not making excuses for all of his behaviour, as I know he is responsible for his own actions and some things are just unacceptable - he's aware of that now.


Nutbrownhare, I think you're right when you say 'The 'liking' other women is only a small part of a general pulling away from the relationship - and I'm guessing THAT'S what's really affecting your self esteem. It's a symptom rather than a cause.' It's definitely mainly a problem because of the distance we've had between us the last couple of months. He says he wants us to work more than anything, so as long as he shows me that as well as just tells me, then I won't even be thinking of sneaking on his social media. He'd be more than stupid to even do that again anyway, because I made it very clear that I wouldn't stand for it, that it's disrespectful to me to be putting it our there for all the world to see, and that it's pretty sleazy behaviour in general for someone in a relationship.


I'll see how things go for now. I know I've got good people I can rely on and I've got a life of my own so I can be strong enough to end it if things don't improve. I really hope it doesn't come to that, because things are so good when life isn't getting us down and we really do love each other.


Thank you all for your advice and good wishes nice people!

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