I'm feeling so lost lately ...

[xcookie7x]

I'm 24 and female. I would say I am considered decently attractive, and my personality I'd say is great- loving, caring, way more generous than I should be at times lol. I just cannot seem to find a boyfriend. I don't get what I'm doing wrong honestly...

I've joined dating sites. Added people on Facebook. I go out with my friend and I have had men approach me- but just looking for a fwb type thing...and the same seems to go for when I meet online. Yet my friends, some who are crazy (emotionally unstable and very clingy etc) have found boyfriends. One is even living with her boyfriend and yet she doesn't have a job or car, does not drive, is not going to school, has severe depression and major anxiety and paranoia...I'm happy for her that she found someone. I really am. But it's like what gives lol. Any guy I've tried to see or date ends up telling me he just wants sex and to keep it nsa... and it's not like i'm super "easy" but i'm not a prude either.....I guess my main question is, how do you typically go about dating? Do you mention the fact you're looking for something more or do you go with what you're given and see what happens?

[Fracturedheart]

I would just let any of these guys know that your looking for to see where things go but ultimately you would like to be in a committed romantic relationship and that if that's not what they are interested in then at least you'll be upfront and there won't be any confusion to what you want.

 

I'm a guy and I find when I sleep with a woman on the first couple dates, it's a turn off personally for me. Make the guy wait and he will not only pursue you but respect you more.

 

Don't worry you'll find your SO

[limichelle]

OP I get where you are coming from I'm in the same boat. Unfortunately there is this double standard that if we give in to soon the guy runs but he wanted sex as well. Granted I don't sleep with anyone until I'm in a relationship. I just see so many woman not be on the same level with respect. It takes two to tango!

 

I would ignore these guys and keep looking!

 

Lisa

[DancingFool]

How will you ever get what you want if you are willing to accept less than?

If you want a relationship with a good guy, then you keep seeking until you find him. Be sure that you don't send out mixed messages either, like sure I'll totally have a one night stand with you....but btw, I'm looking for a serious relationship. You just showed otherwise. How you carry yourself and what you do, speak louder than anything you say. Keep that in mind.

 

Btw, nothing wrong with you in terms of guys looking for nsa. They tend to be numerous and loud and usually aggressive in their pursuit. It's on you to weed them out. The fact that they admit to seeking nsa only is a good thing. Saves you time and trouble trying to sort out their intentions.

 

Ultimately, change your demeanor from "I want a bf" to "I want a really good man who treats me well." When you just want a bf, you will start to reek of desperation and like any warm body will do. I mean the friend that you describe....do you honestly think her relationship is all that? Probably not. Seek quality, not just a warm body.

[xcookie7x]

I do that and I never hear from the guy again...in the past two years now i've gone on about 10 "Dates" all wanting sex on that date and I say no because obviously that's a set up for a one night stand and honestly kind of offensive that they only asked me on a date to sleep with me lol...and then they say ok and i never hear from them again. why pursue me for sex when you easily can get someone else to just give it to you the first night? it's like..where do i go from here lol....it's like i'm cursed. ](*,)

[xcookie7x]

i agree with you, thanks. and i do not sleep with guys on the first couple dates. i make it known i am worth more. it's just, then i never hear from them again. and this has been going on for two years now... it's hurtful when i was previously engaged.. so i know what true love feels like. and now i'm back into dating. and it seems to have changed so much within the past 5 years. usually, it's not all that hard for me to find a man who will at least show some true interest.. now it seems like nobody wants to put in the work if they can find someone "easy" lol... and yeah i'm not against nsa but i've done it a few times and i'm just over it. i'm in my mid twenties and i don't want to catch feelings with people who won't give me their heart the way i give them mine. thanks for the input.

[DancingFool]

If you've only gone on 10 dates in two years....you aren't dating enough. Dating, especially if you are meeting people off dating apps or online dating sites is a numbers game. There is no way to get to know a person online and know there will be chemistry, mutual interest, etc. So you go on pretty much countless meet and greets, aka coffee dates where you can exit quickly, until finally you meet a guy where you click mutually. 10 dates in two years....hardly counts as dating and therefore not really something you can point to as "I have a problem". Not enough data to lead to well founded conclusions.

[thealchemist]

I honestly would be very appreciative that guys are upfront about just wanting fwb on the first date. Saves you from wasting time.

 

I wouldn't have sex with a girl I just started dating. You are much more likely to find a meaningful, high quality relationship. If a guy won't see a girl anymore because she wouldn't have sex fast enough that dude isn't wanting what you are anyways. Saves you time and energy. (This is coming from a guy that likes sex everyday too)

 

A lot of times I feel that when rushed to find a SO people make bad choices and are much less likely to find a decent one.

 

Also quality guys are not everywhere. If you want quality you won't have a good chance with a handful of dates a year

[BelliniBella]

Dating is in this age so difficult, every guy prefers nsa. its so easy to get girls, why to bother with relationships, right?

Online dating is even worse.

I am speaking from own experience.. If I am you, I would make clear to myself what I am looking for and what are the traits that make my heart beat. That will lead you to find this man. I told my current bf from the first day I am looking for the relationship. And no- i didnt sound desperate and i didnt act that way neither I didnt have sex with him too for some dates. Since you will tell the man your expectations, its in his hands to decide if to date you! (be careful for players thought, and dont tell you are lookng for relationship to someone you dont like) Haha

[JA0371]

Just because your friends are in 'relationships' doesn't mean they are quality relationships. I know people who will literally just date anyone who shows them interest. I have a co worker who talks to guys online and they send her 'wang shots' lol....she even considers hooking up with them. It makes me shudder.

 

What you're experiencing is 100% normal. Just stay true to yourself and your values.

[xcookie7x]

thanks so much i really appreciate this answer it's nice to know i'm not crazy and alone in this haha... yes i met someone on online dating. but i'm hesitant. i told him as maturely as possible "i just want to save your time and let you know i'm not looking for any fwb type situations, i'm 24 and i'd like to have something more than just that. i don't want to give you any wrong expectations" to which he said "trust me you'd know right away if i was looking for that, it's all good." sooooo not sure if that's a good enough response haha. it's hard because i basically just have to give people benefit of the doubt and that always screws me over lol. but we'll see. i guess i need to be comfortable and confident in just being single and alone. there's a lot of temptation people are way easier to access with social media, and option overload for most.. that's just my opinion though.

[xcookie7x]

thank you

[hrb23]

thank you

 

Be honest and be yourself. If you don't do that you'll never find what you're looking for. It's great that you have identifies positive qualities within yourself. Use this positive energy and reflect it onto others. You'll find what you're looking for in no time.

[hemantmohan]

I am in the same boat. I do not understand what girls want as i have companionship to offer. But i would say, do not envy others and stick to what you want. It will happen. Good luck