Get her into have anal sex and having sex more often.

[scarface]

My girlfriend and I have been together for more than a year and a half. I love her very much with all of my heart and couldn't imagine myself with another woman. If there is one thing I enjoy in life is having sex. I am very willing to fufill any of her desires and put much effort, attention and creativity into it. I have to say that I had many sex partners before her, even though she is two years older than me she only had one sex partner before me. I have been very patient with her doing the right things and showing her stuff, giving her tips and technique, listening to her concerns and trying to get a decent sex life that will satisfy my need. I feel she has no desire at all even though she finds me attractive. I have no trouble making her cum 3 times in a row at the same time being as romantic as I can be. I'll make anything to get her comfortable. I have asked her what she likes and what she would like...Still the frenquency of our intercourses are really low which I find really hard because I'm 20 and have a very high sexual desire. It's getting worse since we haven't had sex in about a month. Now, so far I tried to be faithfull but I don't know how much longer it will last! I really do love her and don't want to cheat on her but at the same time she doesn't seem to care even after long talks. Another issue is that I like to have anal sex. I love women's butt more than anything else which I devote almost a cult! We have tried several times, took all the precautions enought lube to fill a pool, took very much time and attention but I really can't get into it. I can't imagine myself without it, it is like I can't eat my favorite candy! Also I love when a girl goes deepthroat, I know it's difficult to do but I showed other girls with smaller mouths how to sucessfully do it without any pain. All these stuff are important to me and I know that she knows but she won't even move, as for myself I do different stuff that I don't enjoy very much for her like dancing and other just to make her happy and I try my very darn best at it because I love my GF. So please I don't know what to do about her it is like my beast side vs my brain side. I would really apreciate any thoughts and/or advice on this matter. Thank you very much and all of you have a nice day.

[Royltnxile]

Maybe your g/f just isn't into anal sex or contorting her jaw/throat just to accommodate your so called "needs". You claim to love your girlfriend and you say you would do anything for her, and thats a good thing.

 

But friend, you come off as kind of selfish and insensitive towards her. I agree that the frequency issue needs to be addressed with her and corrected if you are not satisfied with the amount of sex. However, to sound so demanding about specific sexual acts with her, you are out of line. Face it, there are lots of women out there who simply hate anal sex, and most women don't have the capacity to contort their jaw to "deep throat". If you are happy with her in all other aspects of sex, and more importantly, if you love her and are happy with your life with her, then why not think about making some concessions regarding your sexual needs.

[Enthusiast]

Scarface, I hear what ya saying and have felt the same about my wife. We talked calmly about it. She knows my top 3 fav fantasies that involve her. I have other fantasies that it would be better if she didn't know about.

 

Never cheated on her but sometimes I really have to get my needs satisfied. Even considered calling on one of those escort ads. But I can't bring myself to do that to her. Love her too much.

 

So, the result is a compromise. A lady friend suggested doing a quid-pro-co thing - I do something nice for her, she does something nice for me. That didn't work, btw. So, I'm stuck, biding my time, gently encouraging, waiting for her to mature sexually. Think about how far your g/f has come since you met her.

 

Women's sexual peak is much later than a guy's, though some exceptions exist. I've come to realize that no one person can satisfy every aspect of your life. So, if you're going to stick with one person, there's going to be some compromise. Can you imagine what's she saying about you to her friends? "He's so nice and romantic but why can't we just have plain vanilla sex? Everything else is good but he's so demanding. I give in sometimes but it's never enough."

[scarface]

As a matter a fact, I know I can't be perfect and my gf too. I don't agree with being called selfish because on the other hand I have no trouble doing things she likes and I really don't enjoy and makes me uncomfortable because I know that in a relationship you can't always have it your way so you have to do some things that are important to the significant other even though you don't like it and who knows maby some day you will learn to get a certain pleasure out of it, otherwise we would all be alone paying for some

escort add

or be alone in front of the computer. I feel reassured that I am not alone in this position and I appreciate every comment you all make.

[apollocreed71]

Looks you are not compatiable with your girl sexually. YOu are going to have to accept that she has a low sex drive for you. If you can not live with infrequent sex, and she will not change, move on, find a girl more sexually stimulated. Sooner or later you will stray, if your drive is that high, and her resilance to sex with you will make it easier to cheat. People say they will do things for love, but there is nothing stronger in life than the need for self preservation. If you lady does not do sex often, it sounds it is going to be difficult to try anal.

[chai714]

If having a "porn star like" sex life is what's important to your right now, and your girlfriend isn't providing that, then I would think it would be better to end things with her. While there are females who are into deep throating and anal, the strong majority (I would guess 70% or more) simply aren't into that. You say that you don't want to cheat, so that's good. If you refuse to have a limited sex life, it's best to end it. You're young and want to explore and there's nothing wrong with that. On the other hand, if you've been with this female for one month without sex and you're still with her, there's something to be said about that too. I would guess you have a pretty solid friendship with her and care a lot about her.

[Poupee]

If having a "porn star like" sex life is what's important to your right now, and your girlfriend isn't providing that, then I would think it would be better to end things with her.

 

Porn star like?? LOL

[scarface]

I understand what you are saying chai714 but, wouldn't it kill you that the very woman that you love is not pleasing you in bed. Would there be any solution involving us staying together and still getting what I need?

[chai714]

I understand what you are saying chai714 but, wouldn't it kill you that the very woman that you love is not pleasing you in bed. Would there be any solution involving us staying together and still getting what I need?

 

You're going to need to get her to want what you want. How can you get her to want to please you? Begin by pleasing her. I think that by hinting for things like deep throat or anal (don't ask for both in one sentence) during the heat of the moment would increase the likelihood of it happening. Please her some, but don't finish. That will make her want more. Let her give you some . . then give her more. This can all be done without saying a word. This is what I call nonverbal psychological training in the bedroom. The art of seduction, is an art that's best spoken without words.

[AKir]

I'm a 20 year old girl and have a same problem with my boyfriend. He doesn't like having sex as much as I do. I really love sex and I want to have sex as much as I can, I want to have sex everyday if possible. But my boyfriend refuses to have sex more than once a week, saying he doesn't want to have sex more often than that. But my problem is worse than your problems. Because he masturbates everyday. But he said he doesn't want to have sex with me often. I always wish I had a boyfriend who has high sex drive. I don't want to cheat on him ot anything, but sometimes I feel like I need to satidfy my 'needs.' When I go out with girl friends, there are tons of oppotunities to cheat on him, but I don't want to do it. I don't know why he's like this. I'd do anything to make him happy, if he wanted me to do some sort of deep throat thing, I did it, even though I'm not into it, when he wanted to shag in fromt of a mirror, I still did it, even though it's sort of unconfortable for me. I blamed on 2 and half years of relationship for his attitude, but I don't know.

He doesn't care about me being sexually frustrated at all, he simply says 'I can't keep up with you, never, I don't want to have sex that often. What's your problem.' He admited that he doesn't like sex that much in general, he loves rather masturbating. So whenever I saw threads of boys complaining about their girls low sex drive, I get really jealous!!! I've almost reached the point where I can't stand this situation, I think about breaking up every time my boyfriend and I go to bed and just don't do anything even when I iniciate. I can't stand this!!! The sickest part is he always acts like a playboy in front of his friends, like 'Hey dude, check out the girl, she's so HOT!' 'The chick is damn HOT i wish I could have sex with her.' Blah blah blah...What the hell, I mean, this guy doesn't even like sex that much!

[shazza]

AKir! It sounds like your bf is neither respecting or considering your needs at all . I am a girl, and I have a very high sex drive too. My last bf didn't have as high a sex drive, whereas the one before him had one that pretty much matched mine. Which one lasted longer you reckon?

 

That's not me trying to be shallow, I mean obviously there's more to it then that, but I think sex plays a VERY important part in a relationship, especially when you're young. Your sexuality is as much a part of you as your personality, your intellect...all those things are connected, and all those things are what makes you YOU.

 

In saying that however, relationships do take compromise - for instance, I don't like anal, it's been tried (unsuccessfully) before and I would expect anyone who loved me to respect that. BUT - I would find other ways for us to please eachother, because I would want us BOTH to be satisfied.

 

For all of you in this position, the only thing I can say is don't underestimate what your sex life can say about your relationship as a whole...often what's really going on in a relationship is played out in the bedroom. That's not too say that if the sex isn't fantastic your relationship is doomed, but if you can neither communicate this to your partner or, when you do, they refuse to try and instead choose to ignore it they are basically saying "Your needs aren't important to me".

(In a normal situation of course - if you've just had a baby, your BF or GF wants you to do something you find repulsive, or anything extreme like that then it's different of course). But power issues are generally most obvious in the bedroom

 

As for scarface...I don't think you're being selfish (nor do I think you're asking for the sex life of a porn star...sounds pretty normal desires to me!) because you've said you're trying very hard to accommodate her needs and make sex good for both of you....I guess you just have to ask yourself, how much is your sexuality a part of who you are?

 

If you're tempted to cheat it may be a big part of who you are, whether you like it or not. The important thing now is whether you do the right thing (which might mean breaking up) or whether you do the WRONG thing (which, in my opinion, would be cheating - because your putting your needs first, but more importantly you're doing so in a deceptive, cowardly and selfish way).

 

That's drawing from my own experiences. Don't be ashamed, underestimate or dismiss your sexuality...it isn't the be all and end all, but it IS important. Only you can decide how much.

 

Hope it helps!

[phantomwolff85]

If anal sex is painful, you're doing it wrong. When my boyfriend intiaited it for the first time, it hurt, so he stopped. When I was finally comfortable, which was not that same night, it was not painful. At the same time, it wasn't physically pleasurable, but very psychologically pleasureable, which made the later orgasm through oral the best I've ever had.

In summary, anal may or may not be physically pleasurable, but it shouldn't be painful.

As far as deepthroating goes, I don't find it that difficult. It's something that you can get better at with practice, much like other sexual actions. However, if someone doesn't like oral sex, or some other kind of sex, practice is not going to change that.

[PittItaliano]

Scarface, If you love your girlfriend as much as you say you do then you have to understand and accept that she is not going to be comfortable with everything. Maybe she is uncomfortable because, in your mind, you compare her to other girls you've been with and maybe she doesn't want to disappoint you or be compared.

 

The thing is, if all you really "need" right now is of all things sexual. Then maybe this girl isn't for you.

[Cardinal]

I really shouldn't butt into this conversation but I can't help it. For men, the only thing interesting and physically stimulating about receiving anal 'might' be prostate stimulation. But that is more easily achieved through other means (using your fingers on him). The only reason I shy away from anything other than prostate stimulation is because of a deep seated homophobia. Has nothing to do with pain.

 

I would expect my girl to be willing to give it an honest, safe effort. If she didn't like it, for me personally, that is not such a big deal. I can live without anal (hell I haven't gotten the opportunity to try it yet).