FN Boomin Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 Hi everyone. I've received my third breadcrumb text from my ex. I'm struggling with how to handle the situation. I still love and care for her, and deep down inside, hope to one day reconcile. At the same time, I've come to accept that we aren't compatible, and under the current circumstances, unless BOTH of us change for the better, the relationship is doomed. Thanks in advance for your help! Background -Dated this girl for just over a year. She was my honest, first true love. -We broke up just over a month ago due to trust issues. We both played a part in the trust issues. We both have self worth and self esteem issues, that amplified the trust issues between us. -I will admit, that I severely broke trust as I had sex with another women, early when my ex and I had met, but before we were committed. She knew the other girl existed as I was transparent about the other girl visiting me (she was visiting from Europe.) However, I never told her we had sex- this was morally wrong and I regret it, I guess I was just too weak to be transparent about it afterwards. Later on, we became a couple, nearly a year later, the fact that the other girl and I had sex came up. She was upset that I wasn't transparent about that immediately after it happened, during the relationship, and trust was lost. She did ask about it in the past, and I wasn't honest about it. I regret that. -She also played her role in creating the trust issues. Early on, before we were committed she thrived off of male attention, flirted with other men, gave her number out etc. Towards the end of the relationship, she held on but also tried to monkey branched. I would also not be surprised if she cheated at some point during the relatioship, although I don't have conclusive evidence. -When she found out about the fling I had, she didn't dump me right then and there. She asked for space, but held onto me (maintained companionship, sex, and intimacy) because she is an insecure person, afraid of being alone. I soon found out (caught her) that she was actively monkey branching as she was on online dating sites, while she held onto me. She lied about it initially, but after admitted to it. -I could not accept the monkey branching. I told her that I could not accept being an option in her life, while I kept her as a priority. -During the breakup, I asked her if she would be willing to try and work through our problems and become 100% committed to each other again. She said 'No,' saying that she still doesn't trust me. Se effectively she dumped me here. I begged, I pleaded, but she stood firm. I told her unfortunately the monkey branching hurt too much, so I had to walk and asked for no contact. Breadcrumbs -A few days after we broke up, she texted me, effectively saying "You don't have to respond to this, but I love you." Like a fool, I responded the next day with a "I Love you too." No response from her after the I said "I love you too." In hindsight, I regret replying to that. -Like a desperate fool, I still wanted her back, and weeks later, I asked to talk, and got on the phone with her. We talked for a good hour, and ultimately, she was not read y to reconcile. I was crushed. I knew she was still on the online dating sites. She also went on a few dates with one guy, kissed him too. I ultimately accepted her decision, and walked. -2 weeks later - she texted me a very cryptic text "Hey." Like a fool, I responded with "Hi _____." She responded back with "Sorry, I shouldn't have, I just missed you. I hope you are well." I was furious, but replied back calmly with "Thank you for letting me now. I respect your decision and wish you well." -Just recently, she texted me again saying "Not having you in my life is a lot harder than I had anticipated....." Since then, I have not responded to that text. I've noticed that she had been logging onto her online dating sites frequently, multiple times a day (staker-ish, I need to stop.) Questions 1) I've effectively ignored her last text message - but internally I'm struggling with that decision. At the root of it, I do hope to one day reconcile- but only if the time is right. Meaning, I need the time and space to become a better man, and she needs the time and space to become a better woman. We are not there yet, and I'm not ready. I'm afraid that ignoring her text is heartless, and she'll think I'm either bitter or angry at her. This isn't the case, I'm ignoring because I still need time to heal. I have considered replying and letting her know that, but I'm afraid if I do, it will spiral down to more text messages and will ultimately hurt me and prolong my healing process. Should I reply? 2) Is she just throwing me more breadcrumbs or could she be testing the waters for reconciliation? She has a history of throwing breadcrumbs, and she has low self esteem, so I could see this being a breadcrumb. Also, she is actively on online dating sites, seeking new partners, so I'm assuming this is a bread crumb. I'm holding her to a high standard, in that, since she dumped me, she needs to come to me with clear intent for reconciliation, anything less would be ignored as a breadcrumb. Am I being too harsh here? Could she be trying to reconcile? My gut tells me it's a breadcrumb. Link to comment
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