Should I still remain friends with him?

[Cmae1993]

My ex and I broke up September 2015. And didn't speak at all for 4 months. Then one day last year around this time I started thinking about him and he texted me. And we've been talking and hanging out every since then.

 

The first time after the break up and not speaking we hung out and had sex. And we both still remember it. Because we both got this crazy emotional feeling while we was having sex. It was a feeling that we just couldn't explain, and both of us hadn't ever experienced the feeling.

 

After that he had told me that he feels like there is a reason we randomly started talking again. And we both felt like something was keeping us tied together. Because we didn't have no reason to start talking but we did. We both said that we wished that we would have just fixed our relationship and stayed together. Because we both regretted breaking up.

 

However he is in a relationship and has a baby. We still continued to talk and hangout but nothing sexual. We have talked a few times about being friends and seeing where things went. Him and his gf was having some problems and he said he was happy. So he told me that he was going to leave her. I told him not to make any fast decisions about it because I didn't want him to regret it. I told him to take his time and do what was best for him. He told me to not wait for him that if I wanted to be with someone else I could because he didn't want me to feel trapped. We never said that we would forsure get back together, we always said stuff like "if we get back together"

 

Then as months went on we both had agreed that we are only friends and that us getting back together wasn't a 100% guarantee. That we just had to take it one day at a time. Because either one of us could change our mind about being together. We still told each other we missed each other and that we loved each other. And didn't really talk about being in a relationship together. He has helped me in an way that he can since we started talking again.

There was a few times that we had decided that we should stop talking. Well that didn't work because we both just missed each other bad.

 

So now we are still talking and friends but the thing is he just got engaged a few days ago.

And yesterday I had told him that since he was now engaged that we could no longer talk anymore. I was very hurt and mad because I forgot our agreement that at anytime one of us could change our minds. So after telling him we should stop talking he then called me and we spent like 7 hours on the phone!

 

He was saying that the reason he purposed was that things between him and his gf in the past month was going good and that he didn't really have a reason to leave because he didn't want to leave his baby without a good reason. He said he didn't want to be the type of "dad" who leaves their kids for another person. And that with him having a kid with his gf he just needed to make the most of their relationship because of their kid, and that even tho he's engaged nothing is forsure between them and that for now he sees it as if they work out they do if not then they don't.

 

Which I understand because I have a 5 year old daughter and her dad left us for another girl.

He continued to say that another reason he changed his mind about leaving her is because she would make a lot of drama and he didn't want me to have to deal with baby mom drama and stay overwhelmed. When we was together we went through a lot of drama with my daughter's dad. He also said that he didn't want us to get back together and things be great for a few month and then fall apart. Like it has in the past. He said that he was scared of us getting back together and I decide that he's not what I really want and that I change my mind and just want to be friends and nothing more. Because to him he says my life is going pretty great and that I'm doing every thing I've always talked about doing and I'm chasing my dreams and at the same time he knows I'm not interested in relationships right now.

 

He said that he wanted us to remain close friends and talk and hangout and that maybe later on there could be a possibility that we end up together or maybe we won't that it would be whatever fate decides for us. Because we both still feel like something is tying us together because if we wanted to we could have never started talking again. And we both feel like if we was to stop talking it would make us feel like we lost something special and we just don't wanna let go.

Is that normal for both us to feel this way ?

 

So my question is. Has anyone ever been friends with their ex and gotten back together or your ex became your best friend and also does everything he said make since to you?

And should I remain friends with him?

[boltnrun]

Wow, this guy sure has a way with words!!!

 

Basically, what he's saying is he wants to be able to have this other woman, the mother of his child, be with her, even get engaged, probably MARRY her, but he wants you too. He's asking you to agree to be the other woman on the side under the guise of "maybe someday you and I will be together!!!"

 

If he doesn't want to let go, then he needs to "let go" of his fiancee. But it seems like he won't do that.

 

And no, you two are not "friends", not if he's telling you that you two may be together some day. And you don't feel "friendly" toward him either, let's be honest.

 

So, do you want to remain his side woman and wait for him to leave his fiancee (eventually wife)? Maybe for YEARS?

[Cmae1993]

I told him I didn't mind being just friends because at this point in my life I'm not interested in being in a relationship with him or any one I just want to focus on my career and daughter. But the thing with him he says he wants just a friendship but I feel like he will be all lovey and flirty with me. I told him he couldn't act that way because he is committed to someone now and being engaged is a big deal. But he just seems like him being engaged isn't a big deal he said that he doesn't even feel like he's engaged. I asked him if they have started planning a date because most people do start planning right away. And he was just like no they haven't picked a day or even thought about planning a wedding. I'd love to be just friends with him cause deep down I don't want him completely out of my life because he's been there for me when non of my friends was around. But I feel like he doesn't know the meaning of just friends.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like he was stringing you along. You should cut him off if he's cheating on his gf. Why be friends with a cheater and liar who strung you along all this time? Makes no sense, right?

 

All this time you too could have started dating others and be engaged had you cut him off when you broke up. Go no contact and block and delete him permanently from everything so you can finally move forward.

he just got engaged a few days ago. He was saying that the reason he purposed was that things between him and his gf in the past month was going good and that he didn't really have a reason to leave because he didn't want to leave his baby without a good reason.

[boltnrun]

"And we both feel like if we was to stop talking it would make us feel like we lost something special and we just don't wanna let go."

 

"Has anyone ever been friends with their ex and gotten back together "

 

This doesn't sound like "just friends" to me.

 

If you're asking if you two have a chance to get back together, then you're just pretending to be "just friends" in the hope that he will NOT marry this woman and you two can be together.

 

How long are you willing to hang around pretending to be "just friends"?

 

And another thing, how does his fiancee feel about you two hanging out together?

[Cmae1993]

I feel he thinks later on we have a chance of being together. He said that the engagement isn't really a big deal. And that who knows they could break up. And I told him something is wrong with him. Because if I was engaged I wouldn't be wanting to keep my ex around.

 

His fiance doesn't like me and doesn't want him talking to me at all. I have him blocked on all socaik media. But he still continues to find ways to contact me. Such as texting apps, and making fake Facebook accounts to look at my Facebook to see what I'm up to.

 

I've told him many times that no engagment or relationship is going to work if you still love and miss an ex and still want them in your life. I've been there and tried it.

But he just either doesn't care, doesn't understand, or doesn't want to understand.

[Wiseman2]

If you are unsure how to mentally get rid of him, say to yourself: "I was good for sex and being strung along but he's MARRYING someone else".

 

Then ask yourself if there's a single guy out there who you could date and have a future with. Get on some dating apps and stay out of their lives. Don't participate in home wrecking.

[boltnrun]

So why try to be "friends"?

 

This guy clearly has no morals.

 

Why would you want to attach yourself in any way to a guy who is actively trying to cheat on his fiancee?

 

I wouldn't consider an attachment to some guy who cheats "something special". I would find it easy to "let go" of someone like that.

 

Unless, of course, you've convinced yourself he would never, ever do that to YOU...

[Cmae1993]

He cheated on me numerous times while we was dating. I as well cheated on him 1 time. He actually cheated on me with his fiance, we was living together and dating at the time he started dating her as well. And he just kept running back and forth between me and her. And finally one day my feelings him for disappeared. I knew I didn't deserve anything that he was doing to me. And I broke up with him and kicked him out.

 

I do know that if we do stay friends that he is going to want sex and that's something I do not want with him at all.

 

I feel like I in some ways care about him because he helped me raise my daughter and was very great with her. But I don't love him and don't see a future of being in a relationship with him. Because if he hasn't changed his cheating ways now he probably won't ever change. And that's not the type of relationship I want to be in again.

[Annia]

Wow, this guy sure has a way with words!!!

 

Basically, what he's saying is he wants to be able to have this other woman, the mother of his child, be with her, even get engaged, probably MARRY her, but he wants you too. He's asking you to agree to be the other woman on the side under the guise of "maybe someday you and I will be together!!!"

 

If he doesn't want to let go, then he needs to "let go" of his fiancee. But it seems like he won't do that.

 

And no, you two are not "friends", not if he's telling you that you two may be together some day. And you don't feel "friendly" toward him either, let's be honest.

 

So, do you want to remain his side woman and wait for him to leave his fiancee (eventually wife)? Maybe for YEARS?

 

Stringing along 101 + permission to cheat in the name of love.

[Annia]

I feel he thinks later on we have a chance of being together. He said that the engagement isn't really a big deal. And that who knows they could break up. And I told him something is wrong with him. Because if I was engaged I wouldn't be wanting to keep my ex around.

 

His fiance doesn't like me and doesn't want him talking to me at all. I have him blocked on all socaik media. But he still continues to find ways to contact me. Such as texting apps, and making fake Facebook accounts to look at my Facebook to see what I'm up to.

 

I've told him many times that no engagment or relationship is going to work if you still love and miss an ex and still want them in your life. I've been there and tried it.

But he just either doesn't care, doesn't understand, or doesn't want to understand.

 

The audacity and the respect for his fiancee is astonishing.

 

 

He cheated on me numerous times while we was dating. I as well cheated on him 1 time. He actually cheated on me with his fiance, we was living together and dating at the time he started dating her as well. And he just kept running back and forth between me and her. And finally one day my feelings him for disappeared. I knew I didn't deserve anything that he was doing to me. And I broke up with him and kicked him out.

 

I do know that if we do stay friends that he is going to want sex and that's something I do not want with him at all.

 

I feel like I in some ways care about him because he helped me raise my daughter and was very great with her. But I don't love him and don't see a future of being in a relationship with him. Because if he hasn't changed his cheating ways now he probably won't ever change. And that's not the type of relationship I want to be in again.

 

This guy is a loser with no morals. Do yourself a favour and aim for better. Don't entertain his cheating hopes one more second.

[boltnrun]

So what is this "something special" you referred to?

 

Why do you want to be "friends" with this guy??

 

And why do you want to get back together in the future?

 

I'm confused, honestly.

[Cmae1993]

Something special as in a close friend. That's all I really see him as. A few weeks ago I was in a very dark depression and the only person that was there for me when non of my friends was there was him. If I have needed anything if its money, a friend or someone to talk to or just help with something he has helped me the most.

 

I don't think I would want to be back in a relationship with him later on. Just because I know the past will repeat its self. And I just think we wasn't meant to be together in a relationship I think we are better off as just friends.

 

Now him saying that maybe later on we could be together. I'm not exactly sure where he's getting that from. At the beginning when we started talking again I did want to be with him again. But I've seen how much my life has improved since we haven't been in a relationship and how happy I've became by just it being my daughter and I. I

[boltnrun]

Well, he was able to get you to have sex with him before. He probably knows that if he sweet talks you with future talk, he can get you back in bed with him again. Then, win-win for him! A wife and a girlfriend on the side!

 

I don't know, in my world "close friends" don't lie and cheat on me. They don't keep me hanging while they run back and forth between me and another woman. But I guess these things don't bother you now.

 

My guess is he will step up the attempts to get you to sleep with him. Will you be able to say no and stick to it?

[Wiseman2]

Why not date and find a bf?

If I have needed anything if its money, a friend or someone to talk to or just help with something he has helped me the most.