Other guy trying to steal girlfriend

[MaLTo]

So my girlfriend (one year together) recently met a guy (a year younger than her) at a party, and after that he started telling her he liked her.

She told me he is a nice guy, and its her "only friend" where she is over there.

The first thing the guy was saying when they started texting, was that he liked her and that he wanted her.

Later he asked her if she was happy in her relationship, she said yes, but it's a little hard recently (wich it was a few days ago).

The guy keeps going further into "are you happy?" and stuff with the clear intention he wants her.

 

That is the last thing I know about that conversation, i'm scared the guy will start start telling her to break up, and just try to break us up.

And i can't really tell her because i know she will get mad at it and will probaly start to doubt about our relationship again.

Wich recently got a little instable because i am pretty jealous, but this is just over the top to me. But i don't know what to do about it.

[JaggerJim]

So she goes over to his house aswell? This isn't cool.

[MaLTo]

So she goes over to his house aswell? This isn't cool.

 

She's not going to this house, they met at a random party

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like your gf likes a lot of drama and male attention. She's the problem, not him. If she didn't want this drama and attention she would ditch him. She knows he's buzzing in the friendzone and she's playing him.

 

Pull back and work on yourself. Work out, get in shape, update your image, clothes, haircut, don't tell her why. Just do it. Also become more involved in other things at school and be the interesting confident guy.

[JaggerJim]

Your girlfriend can only be stolen away if she wants to be. If she has no boundaries in this relationship, then let her go.

[HeartGoesOn]

No offense, but she's not visiting him to play checkers, and drink tea.

 

THINK!

[MissCanuck]

This is not good, OP. But your frustration and angst are misdirected - she is the one you should be worried about.

 

She isn't setting appropriate boundaries with him, and the fact that she would tell him you two haven't been great lately is a bad sign. She knows he wants her and she's not shutting down that line of communication. To me, that suggests she's not totally opposed to exploring that.

 

You said she might doubt your relationship "again", so it appears your relationship is already on thin ice. I gather you've been going through her phone or social media? Where are you seeing these messages?

 

The bottom line is that a girlfriend can't be "stolen." If she really valued the relationship and respected you, she would have told this guy to knock it off as soon as he told her he wants her. She didn't do that. That should tell you what you need to know. How long have you been dating?

[MaLTo]

It sounds like your gf likes a lot of drama and male attention. She's the problem, not him. If she didn't want this drama and attention she would ditch him. She knows he's buzzing in the friendzone and she's playing him.

 

Pull back and work on yourself. Work out, get in shape, update your image, clothes, haircut, don't tell her why. Just do it. Also become more involved in other things at school and be the interesting confident guy.

 

I don't know man, when i said something about it she got instantly pissed and told me not to be so jealous. Wich is a sign for me she kinda likes the fact he is interested

[Longview01]

I'd be concerned about why she is still talking to him

[MaLTo]

I'd be concerned about why she is still talking to him

 

He probaly started talking to her, at the party they probaly came along pretty good and she thought he is a fun guy

[MaLTo]

This is not good, OP. But your frustration and angst are misdirected - she is the one you should be worried about.

 

She isn't setting appropriate boundaries with him, and the fact that she would tell him you two haven't been great lately is a bad sign. She knows he wants her and she's not shutting down that line of communication. To me, that suggests she's not totally opposed to exploring that.

 

You said she might doubt your relationship "again", so it appears your relationship is already on thin ice. I gather you've been going through her phone or social media? Where are you seeing these messages?

 

The bottom line is that a girlfriend can't be "stolen." If she really valued the relationship and respected you, she would have told this guy to knock it off as soon as he told her he wants her. She didn't do that. That should tell you what you need to know. How long have you been dating?

 

According to the fact she immediately got pissed and told me to not be so jealous, i think her wanting to explore that could be true. But how do i stop it from escalating?

[Wiseman2]

Step way back. Lurching into this like the jealous bf will make you look like a fool and that's unattractive. Don't take her bait with her coy games. Be more aloof, busier, make her wonder.

According to the fact she immediately got pissed and told me to not be so jealous, i think her wanting to explore that could be true. But how do i stop it from escalating?

[MaLTo]

Step way back. Lurching into this like the jealous bf will make you look like a fool and that's unattractive. Don't take her bait with her coy games. Be more aloof, busier, make her wonder.

 

I'm just scared he will take her over, since our relationship is on pretty thin ice. So that's why i'd rather talk about it with her and make it clear i don't find okay what that guy is saying.

[MissCanuck]

According to the fact she immediately got pissed and told me to not be so jealous, i think her wanting to explore that could be true. But how do i stop it from escalating?

 

You can't.

 

All you can do is tell her this is not acceptable for you, and see if she takes the initiative to stop it from escalating. This isn't a matter of jealousy; it's a matter of respect. She is disrespecting your relationship by continuing to engage with a guy who she knows has dishonorable intentions.

 

Then take a big step back and observe. See what she does. If she keeps talking to him, then you know she's already heading towards breaking up. A woman who does not want to lose her relationship would cease poor behaviour that hurts her boyfriend.

[MaLTo]

You can't.

 

All you can do is tell her this is not acceptable for you, and see if she takes the initiative to stop it from escalating. This isn't a matter of jealousy; it's a matter of respect. She is disrespecting your relationship by continuing to engage with a guy who she knows has dishonorable intentions.

 

Then take a big step back and observe. See what she does. If she keeps talking to him, then you know she's already heading towards breaking up. A woman who does not want to lose her relationship would cease poor behaviour that hurts her boyfriend.

 

I'm seeing her in 2 days, would that be a good time to tell her face to face? via text she may see it as me being jealous and start to doubt our relationship again, wich we need to kinda rebuild.

[MaLTo]

Or could this be a test? to see if i don't get jealous/mad?

[MissCanuck]

Or could this be a test? to see if i don't get jealous/mad?

 

I very much doubt it.

 

And if it's a test, then your girlfriend is very immature and does not know anything about effective communication. How old are both, by the way?

 

And yes, you need to have this conversation in person. Do not do this through text.

[MaLTo]

I very much doubt it.

 

And if it's a test, then your girlfriend is very immature and does not know anything about effective communication. How old are both, by the way?

 

And yes, you need to have this conversation in person. Do not do this through text.

 

I am 17, she is 16. So teen relationship stuff, we've been together for a year, and yes i will have this conversation in person.

[jrb54]

Unfortunately there is not a way you can stop what is happening. I know it's not easy to hear but you need to be true to yourself and have self respect first and foremost. You already made it clear to her that it bothers you. You have done everything that you needed to do. She does not respect you and your relationship by keeping it going. You only put into a relationship as much as your getting out of it. This is what I would do..

 

I would step back and start distancing myself from her and focus on myself completely. I'd start changing behaviors to make sure I improve every aspect of myself, dive right in and become self absorbed. I would seriously look at the relationship and see if it's healthy for me or not. I would re-evaluate if she is worth having in my life and I would possibly be looking at ending it. However, I don't know your entire relationship so I'm only speaking relating to this one experience. I wouldn't be mean to her or anything. I would just be really busy with myself and making sure I treat myself right.

 

The crazy thing is, you can't logically tell her to stop doing what she is doing. Women are not men obviously. Their emotions dominate their behavior oftentimes. By her keeping the line open with the other dude while you have told her it bothers you means she is in fact interested. As stated previously, don't come across as the jealous guy (one of my ex's left me over this a long time ago). I learned quickly that the best thing that you can do is care about yourself and be busy.

[Snny]

According to the fact she immediately got pissed and told me to not be so jealous, i think her wanting to explore that could be true. But how do i stop it from escalating?

 

LOL. Her response has attention w*** written all over. I would think twice about pursuing her.

 

I'm just scared he will take her over, since our relationship is on pretty thin ice.

Let him have the used toy.

 

No seriously. If she doesn't want to stick around and put in the effort of the relationship, then she's not worth keeping. F that noise!

 

I am 17, she is 16. So teen relationship stuff, we've been together for a year, and yes i will have this conversation in person.

She is a mere child who seeks drama and attention. You need to look elsewhere. You are so young and there are other women out there who do not play these mind games.

 

Just wait for college. It gets so much better once you leave the high school environment.

 

Be the cool boyfriend... By dumping her first. And tell her that you aren't interested in her games/drama. And move on. Stay with your group of friends.

[Dahl]

Your girlfriend can only be stolen away if she wants to be. If she has no boundaries in this relationship, then let her go.

 

Could not agree more. Protect yourself, OP. Good luck.

[Longview01]

He probaly started talking to her, at the party they probaly came along pretty good and she thought he is a fun guy

 

yeah but he over stepped alot of boundaries, does it not concern you that your girlfriend thinks this kind of chat is ok?

[johnnydanger]

Even though it's easy to be angry with this Chad dude, it's not him that's the problem. He's just being a Chad, like most guys. At some point your gf gave him the impression that she's interested, and he does what guys are programmed to do.

 

You could always take your gf and relocate to Iran.