How to Re-Kindle The Passion with my FWB?

[AEF1111]

Hey people. I'm a guy wondering how to Re-Kindle sex with my female FWB. We had an awesome two weeks together and she confessed how much she REALLY ENJOYS sex with me, and it showed.... but things started getting a bit too intimate. I got a little attached and she realized it so she backed off quite a bit, which is understandable. She then stood me up on a night we supposed to have... I called her out on it and she apologized with an explanation.

 

However, the way I called her out was way too much like a boyfriend would do and that scared her. We work together so work then became awkward between us. Finally I had enough of the awkwardness and asked her for a short talk. She said she knew I was getting a little attached, had money problems, and tons of friends wanting her time as an explanation for her distance. I apologized for the manner in which I called her out. Long story short she says she's still my great friend and wants to "hang out" still...

 

We just made up a 2 days ago and we are now comfortable at work together and she still flirts a little, but not as much as before. I don't know exactly where we stand on sex at this moment, but since I've re-examined and dealt with my attachment issue and I'd like to resume our sexual relationship. I plan to give things more time to mellow out between us before asking her about sex. Possibly a week or so....

 

* So my questions: After FWB have had some drama come up and then be resolved how does one guage where we are without being too blunt about it? Is there a smoother way to ask her?

 

I've always been a straight up guy, but straight up hasn't always worked in these matters....

[Matt3939]

Never did the FWB thing. Id say though if she wants it she will show interest I'm thinking.

[Hollyj]

Dude, you have feelings. It's not going to work!

[AEF1111]

Dude, you have feelings. It's not going to work!

Of course I have feelings. Every FWB does to a degree. Mine were just past hers... I simmered down because I accepted she wasn't my type anyway...

[boltnrun]

This is the 20 year old from your thread you posted a couple of days ago?

 

Did you not like the advice you already received?

[Hollyj]

Of course I have feelings. Every FWB does to a degree. Mine were just past hers... I simmered down because I accepted she wasn't my type anyway...

 

Not true. FWB means sex without the feelings; otherwise, you would be in a relationship. It sounds like she did not have feelings, that's why she backed off.

[jujusamples]

I've learned my lessons with FWB;

 

As soon as one of you start to have "feelings" FWB is over! That's just the way it is. You either still accept her as a friend or you don't. Most of the time the friendships don't work out either.

 

It's too late, you just have to accept what is and move on. I made that mistake and lost my best friend over it so my advice, don't do FWB if you want that person in your life or if you get attached easily.

[AEF1111]

I've learned my lessons with FWB;

 

As soon as one of you start to have "feelings" FWB is over! That's just the way it is. You either still accept her as a friend or you don't. Most of the time the friendships don't work out either.

 

It's too late, you just have to accept what is and move on. I made that mistake and lost my best friend over it so my advice, don't do FWB if you want that person in your life or if you get attached easily.

 

Yea... Truth hurts. I feel like she love-bombed me. She initiated all types of intimate behavior: placing her hand on my heart while telling me maybe sometime down the line she'd be more open, cuddling me passionately!, meeting me before work to kiss me, texting me good morning sweety!, saying you're the best I've ever had... then she just disappeared from all that.

 

I've been a hermit type for too long and this "connection" really hooked me... But now I can't go back to being the hermit type after this... I need something more! Now my heart is in a battle between (respect for myself and need for affection.) I felt hurt but now it's turning into anger. Idk what else to say other than my mind/heart is torn on the issue and it just plain hurts.... The sudden abandonment hurts, the feeling of maybe having the wool pulled over my eyes angers me.

[AEF1111]

This is the 20 year old from your thread you posted a couple of days ago?

 

Did you not like the advice you already received?

 

Yep... I got weak knees I guess... Learning the hard way. I made excuses for her behavior, but no more...

[greta96]

Even if you now say you're cool with just FWB, we all know (as does she) that not enough time has passed for you to truly get over your attachment to her and work through your feelings. This type of feelings don't just go away, it's human nature.

Yes I do think she overstepped the boundaries for a FWB, so I can see why you got attached....but clearly those actions didn't mean to her the same things they meant to you.

I don't think you should resume a FWB relationship with her, given that your feelings are now involved. You would only be hurting yourself. Why not use your new frame of mind to start looking for other women to date, women who may, in time, want to actually start a relationship with you?

[AEF1111]

This is the 20 year old from your thread you posted a couple of days ago?

 

Did you not like the advice you already received?

 

Even if you now say you're cool with just FWB, we all know (as does she) that not enough time has passed for you to truly get over your attachment to her and work through your feelings. This type of feelings don't just go away, it's human nature.

Yes I do think she overstepped the boundaries for a FWB, so I can see why you got attached....but clearly those actions didn't mean to her the same things they meant to you.

I don't think you should resume a FWB relationship with her, given that your feelings are now involved. You would only be hurting yourself. Why not use your new frame of mind to start looking for other women to date, women who may, in time, want to actually start a relationship with you?

 

Fair enough and thanks for the detailed response. She lacks the maturity for communication, even we talked about it often, that we should let one another know our thoughts on the situation.

 

What did happen was that she rolled out the "red carpet" for me and then swept it out from beneath me without a word. I had to intiate communication myself. And yes, those moments of high intimacy meant something much more special to me than did they ever to her. I'm just finally noticing how the actions speak louder than words.

 

I put this fun loving girl on a pedestal and I've got to take her off it. At this point in my life I'm less selfish, more into sharing, but with her young age I guess it's still ALL about her.... That, and I can tell our generation gap actually makes a real difference. Thanks

[Wiseman2]

Sorry she blew you off like that. She wanted a fwb rebound and maybe you felt lead on. Clearly she is dating around. However blowing off plans even as fwb is rude.

 

Go to work, be polite professional and other than that avoid and ignore her. Also go no contact and delete and block her.

She's playing the field, has become flaky and rude.

 

Just show up to work with a new hair cut, updated clothes, start working out, etc and be friendly with everyone else. Also get on some dating apps and start messaging and meeting women you don't work with.