Mixed signals after he told me not to fall in love with him

[Giberish]

So this is going to be a bit of a long story, so thanks ahead to anyone willing to take the time because I could really use some advice.

 

I'm gonna start off in chronological order, around 7 months ago I was exploring a bit on Tinder (don't roll your eyes at me like that, I was bored...) anyway out of the many disappointments I come across someone rather interesting and funny so we proceed to chatting for a few weeks and exchanging number and planned to meet up once we both had free time.

One night we both found ourselves free and we ended up going stargazing for our first date (yes yes very romantic), so I was surprised because he was much more attractive than what he seemed on his profile and we just got along so well then after a glass of wine we cuddled so he looks at me and says "just one thing, please don't fall in love with me" in a very serious tone personally I didn't mind since at start I was only looking for a pass time also since he was going to travel abroad to study so he had a lot of things to deal with a relationship would be the last thing he needed. The night, or should I say day since we stayed up till 6am just enjoying each other's company (no we did not have sex on the first date) it ended up being the best date I've had in a while and there were a few good kisses.

 

After that things progressed quite quickly, we saw each other every other day went out to a lot of places and then two weeks into it I met both his parents and his sister he constantly invited me over for lunch or dinner with his family or whatever event they had I didn't really mind and found it quite sweet.

Two months into this "Relationship?" he travels, things were up and down we spoke and skyped regularly for around 3 months and he came back for a short period this time things were much more different and it really became like a commitment he introduced me to his friends, and we went on more family events where he keeps introducing me as his girlfriend (which makes me quite happy honestly), things just kept getting better he's beyond amazing but a bit quiet and doesn't show much emotion, I just like staring at him blankly just enjoying his company honestly he always notices that weird look on my face I just want to tell him that I might be falling in love with him but I'm not sure if that would be a mistake and it would ruin what we have.

 

I'm happy in the moment, and I'm not sure what I might want in 2 to 3 years from now but I'd be a liar if I said I didn't want him to be a part of my future.

 

So I'm just here looking for advice from a guy's point of view, like if you get into something not expecting it to evolve what would make you change your mind? Like is it a red flag that from the start he told me not to get too involved or was he just worried it might end badly because of the long distance thing?

Yes I know these are things I should discuss with him in person, but he's not good at discussing his feelings and is quite passive about things so he leaves most of the decisions to me.

I am going to talk about it with him once he comes back, since this is the type of conversation you should have in person but I just need an outside insight because maybe there's something I'm not seeing?

 

And thanks again, sorry this was a bit long

[Batya33]

It's not a red flag in the least. Being honest about intentions is not a red flag -it's being honest so you avoid leading someone on. Since you spend so much time with him and are intimate with him why not just ask him what his intentions are -in person (no texting).

 

I would not tell him your feelings but simply ask him what his intentions are for the two of you as far as commitment and a future. Leave "falling in love" out of it. Also ask yourself - is it possible that much of those love feelings are based on what a challenge he is -that he is unavailable for that as he told the first time you met? Also if he'd changed his mind I would think he'd want to tell you ASAP so that you wouldn't get snapped up by some other guy.

 

Some people enjoy being part of a couple especially in public despite not wanting a long term commitment with that person. I think you should ask but my sense is that he's going to be "passive" and say that he is having fun and loves being with you and can't you just go with the flow. That's when you have to decide -internally -what your drop dead date is so that if he was never going to marry you/be with you long term how long would you stay?

 

It's not necessarily mixed signals -in his view, he told you not to fall in love with him (get attached) and so even if he acts like he's attached, or even feels attached, he knows that you're not depending on that as a sign of commitment or a future so if he tells you tomorrow - see ya - he won't have been leading you on.

 

On the "passive" part -are you comfortable with that mindset and attitude long term?

[Giberish]

You are right, personally I am quite passive at times I don't dwell on things too much but because at some point a few weeks ago he asked me if it was possible for me to apply for a job near him that way we can live together and at the same time his parents were asking about the same subject.

I was seriously considering it, since in both cases it would be an improvement for me career wise plus the bonus of being closer to him.

 

But today I remembering when we first met and I had completely forgotten about what he said, hence why at the moment I'm a bit confused.

 

Once he comes back I'll try to set things straight and see if we both want the same thing, before making any major decisions.

 

Thank you you really helped me clear up a few thoughts in my head.

[Wiseman2]

He was honest upfront about wanting only casual dating. Having a great time with someone is not a commitment.

after a glass of wine we cuddled so he looks at me and says "just one thing, please don't fall in love with me" since he was going to travel abroad to study so he had a lot of things to deal with a relationship would be the last thing he needed.

[tattoobunnie]

Just say to him (no texting) this: I'm happy in the moment, and I'm not sure what I might want in 2 to 3 years from now, but I'd be a liar if I said I didn't want you to be a part of my future."

 

I've said crazy things to my hubby when we first dated when we were 18. Crazy mean things I have zero recollection ever saying.

 

After 7 months, okay and a must to check in with how things are going.