How can I get my ex to come back into my life?

[zredbird]

So me and my ex broke up about 3 weeks ago but it was complicated, we were on and off really up until recently. I said I couldn't take not knowing what we are and had to end it completely. He ended up deleting me off snapchat and unfollowing my instagram. Yesterday we had a big argument on facebook messenger and he got really nasty, saying stuff like i was just upset he broke up with me and that he never loved me etc etc, however I know him to know he was just putting up a wall and none of that stuff was true. My friends got really angry and one of them had a massive go at him. He then added his friends into the chat along with 2 of mine. His friends weren't really saying anything to help him and were just messaging me normally. He then messaged me saying he can't do this and it's all too much and apologised for saying all the stuff to me earlier. He then started asking if i stopped speaking to his friends and i said i was friends with them before him and he got annoyed and blocked me on facebook. I then messaged him on something else and he said he can't have me on social media because it makes him feel when he sees me and what he's doing as he's not over me. I completely made out to him that i was over him and seeing one of my ex's (i did hook up with him a few days ago and we are speaking) and he was visibly annoyed about that. Today i've just realised that I am in love with him still and I know he's in love with me still, I'm his first girlfriend and the first girl he's properly settled with as he had a reputation before me. I just don't know what to do, I know we can't be together at this time as tensions are high etc but I still want him in my life and to be friends as I just miss him, I care deeply about him as a person and I know he has genuine issues and problems so I worry about him as I think he has borderline personality disorder as he matches all he symptoms. He's unfriended me on all social media but we do go to the same collage, someone help?

[JaggerJim]

I don't think he has borderline personality disorder, unless diagnosed by a professional, and not guessed and looked up on the internet. I think he is feeling overwhelmed by the whole ordeal.

 

Since you have hooked up with your ex, maybe it's time to re-explore that road and see if you and him are a better match. Your current ex sounds like he'd like to be left alone, since he has deleted you off all social media. I think you may need to respect that for awhile before attempting another reconciliation. In the meantime, see what happens with this other guy.

[Wiseman2]

I think the diagnosis is common everyday jerk. You need to break up for good. Don't try to fix or change him or get him back.

I worry about him as I think he has borderline personality disorder as he matches all he symptoms.

[Hollyj]

"So my ex had broken up with me 2 weeks ago and since then he had been stringing me along saying he wants to get back, then he doesn't etc. The day after he broke up with me he said he'd made a mistake and loves me and wanted to get back which i was hesitant on and he started saying i dont care about him etc. I agreed to meet him at the end of the week and we were getting on so well but he started an argument and got annoyed over something stupid, he told his friends i could give them all a lift without asking me so i brought it up and he got really really angry saying i was starting an argument for no reason and made me cry. After that he said he didn't know if he wanted to be with me but continued to message me. We met up again last wednesday and he said he wanted to get back into a relationship so i agreed, but he then changed his mind the day after. The same day, we were at a party together and he had a panic attack because my friends told him to leave me alone and i stayed with him the whole night calming him down. He kept saying how sorry he is and how amazing and beautiful I am that he loves me so much and always will and doesn't ever want to hurt me. So we continued talking all that week just like we were together again, he'd invite me round and put me on his social media etc. until one day he ignored my message. So i later messaged him asking what we were and he said he doesn't know. I said does he want me in his life and he said yes of course but he doesn't want to be in a relationship. He said he didn't want the commitment but I found out the real reason from his 2 best friends. I'm the first girlfriend he's had and he isn't the type of guy to let out his feelings or fall for girls (he was basically a massive player before me) and gets scared when he feels proper emotions. So he fell in love with me and it scared him because he was vunerable and not in control of the situation so he tried to gain control back by stringing me along and having me beg for him. Also all his friends have been saying to me they feel really bad because he's being such an idiot and he will never get any better than me. Anyway, i messaged him saying this is his last chance to show me how he feels and try to keep me, but he kept turning it on me saying i obviously dont want to be with him. I asked if he wants to be in a relationship and he said he doesn't but he wants me in his life still, but i said i can't do it like this. I sent a big paragraph ending it and he fought back saying he'd been saying this for weeks (he hadn't) and i woke up this morning to find out he deleted me on snapchat and instagram. But later, i went on a dog walk with my friend and one of his friends and he messaged his friend getting really annoyed at him for it. What do i do? I was hoping he would come back to me saying he's made a mistake like he did before but i don't know what it means by him deleting me. My idea is to message him after a week on facebook or text him something, maybe asking if we could meet up to talk but I dont know, I'll be seeing him every day now at collage so it's going to be so hard. I'm so in love with him and want to be with him so badly, I honestly feel like this was true love it was so passionate and pure, someone please help."

Why in the hell would you return to this mess??????? Don't waste another 4 months of your life on this!

 

It will not work with this guy! He is unstable and very hurtfull! This is very unhealthy!!!!

 

And stop diagnosing. This guy is simply not relationship material. Find someone who loves/ respects you.

 

Lastly, you cannot be friends when there are feelings. But, I would wonder why you would want to be friends with someone who has treated you so badly? Do better for yourself!

[ParisPaulette]

Here's the problem, I see a whole lot of fantasy "I want this guy to be this way," when the harsh fact is he's a jerk who doesn't want to be tied down. He had a reputation before? Nope, he's still got it. You've just been fooling yourself into thinking "He'll change for me," and no he hasn't.

 

He's been pretty open about how much he doesn't respect or like you, so no love is not going to come out of that, because those building blocks need to be there first.

 

Do better for yourself, block and delete him, stop settling for on/off again relationships which aren't really relationships to begin with, and get on with the game of living life to the fullest and not having to have someone else to do that for you. You will be better for it and you will attract a more positive person into your life than this way too immature, no manners whatsoever, wannabe player.

[MissCanuck]

This is a mess.

 

You need to walk away from this. He's not into you the way you are into him, and it's not going to the your "forever" relationship.