mcnn4 Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 So it's been one month since my NC with my ex-boyfriend. We broke up because he said he no longer saw a future with me and that our relationship wasn't 'fun' anymore. He said there were things he wanted to accomplish before getting into a really serious relationship with anyone again. We dated for 10 months and saw each other almost every day in that 10 month period. I guess you can say, he kind of fell out of love with me. But after we broke up, he claimed to still have feelings for me and care deeply for me. And sometimes he would say that he doesn't want to be together right now but maybe we can in the future. We both go to the same university so we've ran into each other once since NC. He waved and smiled at me and I did the same. But we didn't have a conversation. We have been broken up for 1.5 months and have been NC for 1 month. I went NC because I wanted to move on and thought maybe if I gave him space, he'll come back around. I texted him today because I missed him a lot and was just curious what he's up to and kind of thinking maybe there's a chance to get back together. I told myself that if he doesn't reply, then it's even more motivation to never look back and forget about him. And even if he did reply, I expected it to be short and disinterested. But what I got was a quick reply with interest in my life. He's asking me 'whats up?' and when I told him how my life is going he asked further questions about the things that I told him about. At this point I feel like I dug myself into a hole that I don't really know how to get out of or continue being in... I expected the worst but got the opposite? Should I stop texting him? Should I continue and see where it goes? What are the odds that I have a chance of getting back together with him? Is he just texting me back out of guilt? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gebaird Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 He may just want to be civil. When you're missing someone, everything seems to point towards reconciliation. Often the conversation will be good until you bring up the subject of "us." If he brings up the idea of meeting up or getting back together, great. Until then, I'd keep the conversation casual and let him talk to you. The breakup is still on until he makes a move to end it. If you're not okay with limbo or the friend zone, just tell him you're going back to no contact. In the end, that may be the best way for you to heal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 I would stop texting him and maintain no contact. You broke up because he didn't see a future. Unless he's contacting you and telling you that he wants to try again, why bother? Communicating with him will only make things more difficult for you. Stay NC. Don't put your life on hold waiting for some guy to change his mind. Life's too short. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 But after we broke up, he claimed to still have feelings for me and care deeply for me. And sometimes he would say that he doesn't want to be together right now but maybe we can in the future. ^ This is a classic line frequently used by dumpers in order to bow out gently. Despite what he's saying, if he truly "cared deeply and still had feelings" for you, he's never risk losing you to someone else. As difficult as it is, your best option is to move on and get your life back on track. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angrythoughts Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Him responding to your texts mean nothing. If he wanted to be with you or wanted to get back with you he would've made the effort to do so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcnn4 Posted March 1, 2017 Author Share Posted March 1, 2017 I made a huge mistake. I slept with him last night twice. And slept over at his place. I asked if he wanted to give 'us' a go again and he said 'no, I want to be alone'. I can't tell if that helps me move on better or if it set me back. He gave me his rain jacket because I had to walk home and it's raining outside. I told him this is the last time, there will be no next time. But I honestly feel like an idiot. I have to start NC all over again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angrythoughts Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 I made a huge mistake. I slept with him last night twice. And slept over at his place. I asked if he wanted to give 'us' a go again and he said 'no, I want to be alone'. I can't tell if that helps me move on better or if it set me back. He gave me his rain jacket because I had to walk home and it's raining outside. I told him this is the last time, there will be no next time. But I honestly feel like an idiot. I have to start NC all over again. Why did you do that? And I feel like we've all been there. I know I have. Just start fresh now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twinflamer Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Sorry you are hurting right now; but at least, there is no question in your mind, whether he wants a reconciliation or not. I'd go no contact with him from here on out to minimize your pain and so he doesn't get any ideas of being FWB with you because that will hurt ten times more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 You got the definitive answer you were looking for. It's time to re-initiate and stick to No Contact. Think of this as a learning opportunity: when someone is bored after only 10 months and says they don't see a future, stay far away. Don't go knocking on the proverbial door. It happens, but at least now you know that it's really over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gebaird Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 I made a huge mistake. I slept with him last night twice. And slept over at his place. I asked if he wanted to give 'us' a go again and he said 'no, I want to be alone'. I can't tell if that helps me move on better or if it set me back. He gave me his rain jacket because I had to walk home and it's raining outside. I told him this is the last time, there will be no next time. But I honestly feel like an idiot. I have to start NC all over again. Oh, I'm so sorry. You're not an idiot. Just someone who is hurting. Learn from your mistake and stick with no contact this time. Focus on getting your life back. Hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcnn4 Posted March 2, 2017 Author Share Posted March 2, 2017 You got the definitive answer you were looking for. It's time to re-initiate and stick to No Contact. Think of this as a learning opportunity: when someone is bored after only 10 months and says they don't see a future, stay far away. Don't go knocking on the proverbial door. It happens, but at least now you know that it's really over. I think I've been having a hard time accepting that it's truly over. And now it seems more clear that it truly is over. I still need to squash that last bit of hope in me. I'm working on it. But I have deleted his phone number so I can't contact him on my end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 Block him. Now that he knows he can get free sex from you he will most definitely contact you whenever he wants some. If you block him you won't be tempted to try again. And get angry! How dare he think he can demote you from girlfriend to occasional sex partner??!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gebaird Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 I think I've been having a hard time accepting that it's truly over ... I still need to squash that last bit of hope in me. I'm working on it. This is a function of the denial and bargaining stages of grief. When you make your way through anger and depression, acceptance will be waiting for you. Grief is hard, and progression through it is non-linear. But it's better to walk through the grieving process -- whatever it takes -- than to continue rejecting reality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcnn4 Posted March 2, 2017 Author Share Posted March 2, 2017 Why did you do that? And I feel like we've all been there. I know I have. Just start fresh now. I guess I did it because I was in so much pain. I just wanted to be with him to stop the pain momentarily because I couldn't take it any longer. It was an instant gratification kind of thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcnn4 Posted March 2, 2017 Author Share Posted March 2, 2017 This is a function of the denial and bargaining stages of grief. When you make your way through anger and depression, acceptance will be waiting for you. Grief is hard, and progression through it is non-linear. But it's better to walk through the grieving process -- whatever it takes -- than to continue rejecting reality. How do I walk through it? I thought I was walking through it but you're right -- maybe I keep rejecting reality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newtothegame98 Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 You need to squash this guy. And I understand that it's hard. But really, there are soooo many great people out there to meet. Have you begun to even consider other potential suitors? I've struggled with this but I feel like playing the field is almost a must. Anything to get your mind right. Cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angrythoughts Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 I guess I did it because I was in so much pain. I just wanted to be with him to stop the pain momentarily because I couldn't take it any longer. It was an instant gratification kind of thing. It just prolongs the hurt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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