She's got a new boyfriend

[lost_puppy]

Hi. I haven't been on this board in a few months. My girlfriend dumped me last September (my original post is [link removed [/b] if you're curious), and I initiated NC shortly afterwards for my own sanity. I was definitely starting to feel better, in part thanks to this forum (which is also why I stopped visiting this forum). But then just tonight, I saw her with her new boyfriend. Now I remember how I felt those first couple of weeks, because I'm feeling it all over again! It's frustrating, and I know this feeling too will eventually pass, but I'm sad and anxious all over again.

 

That's really it, I guess I'll just have to wait for time to heal this old wound that was just reopened

 

Thanks for reading.

-LP

[Zerohero]

Yea so far I just learned it's going to take time. Dont worry I share your pain more than you'll ever know.

[rainy soul]

Hi lost puppy,

must be feeling aweful! I guess revisiting those horrible feelings is all part of the healing process. Just when you think your out of the darkness, it comes back in full force. i know exactly where you're at!

[DragonGirl724]

ask yourself: what are you most sad about? sad that youre not with anyone? sad she is moving on? or sad that youre not?

 

b/c 2 out of the 3 you can slowly solve for yourself...& if you truly did care for her, then find some kind of contentment in her happiness. like be happy that shes happy. even though my recent ex & i dont even speak any longer. i still wish him all the best. and that alone just makes you feel good.

 

but im sorry. i know its hard at times, easier said than done.

 

-DG724

[ghozt]

ive felt that way befor many times but you get over it and move on like i did

 

 

remember love, peace, chicken grease

[lost_puppy]

Thanks for the replies. DragonGirl, that's a good question. I don't know why I'm sad. Maybe it's just pain that I'm interpreting as sadness, I don't know. I suppose I do want the best for her, but honestly, just thinking/knowing that she's happy doesn't really help me.

 

Hopefully this is just an initial reaction and after a few days go by I'll be in a more rational state of mind. Right now I'm still frazzled by the experience...

[DragonGirl724]

lost puppy,

 

those who we once held dear to us can still have potential to poke at a tender part of your heart even years down the line. just over time it wont hurt as much. its still fairly recent. but youll be ok. i promise.

 

-DG724

[lost_puppy]

lost puppy,

 

those who we once held dear to us can still have potential to poke at a tender part of your heart even years down the line. just over time it wont hurt as much. its still fairly recent. but youll be ok. i promise.

 

-DG724

That's very true. And of course she doesn't mean to cause me any pain, I know that she still cares about me and that if we were still in communication she'd be trying to help me feel better. But of course, I can't be in communication with her. Not for a while anyways...

 

Time. Time heals all wounds.

[DragonGirl724]

Thanks for the replies. DragonGirl, that's a good question. I don't know why I'm sad. Maybe it's just pain that I'm interpreting as sadness, I don't know.

 

its probably a combination of a lot of things, but what you still feel is the detachment of the initial breakup, as if it had just happened. but like i said; its still fairly recent. it'll fade with time. sometimes i felt that it got worse before it got better, but thats just b/c you mind is saying "move on" & your heart is still content with its sadness & still hoping for the best...basically just being stubburn. but drop a PM if you need to. its best to stay occupied & have fun w/ your friends during those times. dude youre in NYC..i know what the city is like..live it up! there are so many hotties here for you to take your mind off of her, even for a little while. eye candy is a great thing. lol

 

-DG724

[BayArean]

the ex broke up with me about 9 months ago, was with her for 6 years. Did the no contact thing which helped. I was getting used to spending more time with my friends and myself. I end up going to the giants and a's game in San Francisco with some friends, which is only 30 mins away from where i live, And at the bottom of the ninth in a tied game i see my ex and her new boyfriend about 7 rows down. It's a real heart stopper. All my feelings that i had when we first broke up came back to haunt me. Now i'm on here ................. But yeah in due time the pain will eventually start gettin less and less. It's all a big cycle and a huge learning experience. We're just on the downside of it right now.

[icme]

Hey, LP, I remember you from last year, I split up a few weeks before that. I've also felt better bit by bit (bit its still hard isn't it??!) Fortunately I haven't had the additional nightmare of seeing her with a new boyfriend. Every so often I let my mind wander and think about it, and it isn't pleasant – I can only imagine how crap it is to actually see them.

 

I have only this advice for you – my best mate's been going through exactly the same and he has to work with her – at first it was awful, but in a way, seeing them together, knowing she's with someone is the worst it can possibly get. That is all of our worst nightmares really . so, you've now experienced that – it can't get any worse for you. I think you'll have some bad nights and plenty of crap thinking about it, but long run, it will fade just like the rest.

 

As you know, having experienced the last 7 months, there are good and bad times. All you can say to yourself is chin up, f**k it, the feeling you have won't last forever.

 

Good luck

[lost_puppy]

Hi icme, nice to see a familiar face here.

 

Yes, I knew it would happen eventually, she lives in the same building as me after all. And although it's not pleasant I'm kinda glad I got it over with. I knew she's the type to get a new boyfriend right away, and also to get deeply involved with him, but now having actually seen her with someone brings it into reality. All the old thoughts of "wow, this really is over, I can't believe it, I can't accept it" are all coming back.

 

It's frustrating that I felt some progress, and then there's a major setback like this

[justsweetgirl]

My boyfriend and I broke up and I was shattered (Of course, I came out years later so it all ends well). Seriously, anytime I saw him talking to another girl I felt my stomach do that funny flip-flop thing. Some years passed and I ran into him at a local movie theater. Well, he could not stop talking about how glad he was to see me, what was I up to, etc. And he had this big smile on his face. I aslo met his girlfriend who told me he had developed this shrine to me in a corner of his room where he kept all the cards and gifts I'd given him years prior. My point is, had I known he was also shattered, wow, it would have lifted my heartache a lot. The recovery period would have been a lot shorter, I can tell you. You are only seeing things from one point of view. Even if she's not, picture your gf just devastated. Picture her new bf as a lousy kisser, lousy dancer, lousy everything. Who does it hurt? Nobody. But it just might lighten your heartache a bit. Good luck.

[lost_puppy]

Even if she's not, picture your gf just devastated. Picture her new bf as a lousy kisser, lousy dancer, lousy everything. Who does it hurt? Nobody. But it just might lighten your heartache a bit. Good luck.

LOL, that's funny. It's worth a try...

 

But can you believe this? I was actually scared to come home last night from the subway because of the irrational fear that I'd see them again. This is getting a little ridiculous. I don't even think I was this paranoid when she first dumped me. Anyways, I'm going to DC this weekend for a wedding, maybe it'll take my mind off of things, but I'm thinking the long bus ride will just give me more opportunity to reflect...

 

Oh well. Time. That's the only solution.

[lost_puppy]

Well, I'm back from the wedding. Just as I thought, the long drive down gave me too much time to think about things, but at least on the way back I had company (my bandmates). It was actually a pretty fun time, and reminded me that usually when I'm playing, I don't think about emotional problems because I'm concentrating on making music. More motivation to get more gigs!

 

I felt the way you did when you found out she has a new bf. It's that sinking feeling that doesn't kill you, but slowly deteriorates you into this sadness you can't explain, making you anxious and not knowing what to do. But you just have to ride it out. Like everyone else said, keep giving it more time and treat this as a speedbump. It will get a lot better.

That's a great encapsulation of how I feel. It's funny that based on past experience, we always "know" that the feeling will pass and that we will eventually get over our exes, but in the moment, it's difficult to see that happening. It'll happen though, I just need to keep myself busy in the meantime.

 

Thanks again for all the thoughts, advice, and just the support.

 

LP