How do you not contact with kids?

[Snowgirl09]

My husband left on the first of this month. He has occasionally called to check in or to let me aware of appointments he sets for the kids or when he is planning on picking them up. We have seen each other four times (2 times alone to talk, 2 times at kid events) since he left. Today is the second straight day without contact (so far).

 

My question: how do you keep up with no contact when kids are involved? Is there really a way to get over and stop loving this person that you still have to deal with but has no love for you anymore? Am I over thinking this since its only been a few weeks?

[Seraphim]

You can't. It harms your kids. It says adults can't get along even for our sake.

[Dahl]

How do you feel about limited contact, instead, perhaps?

[FreedomRing]

I'm not sure of the background to your story, but obviously, NC in your case is modified in the sense of you have contact, but keep it minimal and centered on the kids only. Are you wanting to reconcile and he is not interested? Regardless, this is probably when compartmentalizing is best. Do your best to not let romantic feelings interfere with discussions about your kids.

[Betterwithout]

No contact works great for people without kids, but your main goal is to remain civil to the BEST of your abilities. Leave your ego behind and ensure your kids see a good co-parent relationship. This is something that is a real struggle for some, and not too hard for others depending on break up circumstances and each parents patience level.

 

Over time, you will get over the person you once loved. It takes time. Sorry for the cliche, but just take "one day at a time".

 

Transfer the love you have for your spouse onto your kids. Love them more than you ever have loved them, kiss them hug them and tell them you love them every day.

[Wiseman2]

You are legally separated? You go to court and get a court ordered custody and visitation schedule and file for child support. No contact is not an option with children.

 

The way to heal is through therapy for yourself and a consultation with a divorce attorney to review your options and strategy going forward regarding children, assets, the home, etc..

He has occasionally called to check in or to let me aware of appointments he sets for the kids or when he is planning on picking them up. how do you keep up with no contact when kids are involved?

[Fudgie]

You really can't go full NC with someone when you have children with them and they have visitation/partial custody/at least SOME interest in remaining in the kids' lives. You need to accept low contact (LC). Block him on everything except phone so that way he can call/text you to let you know of what is going on with the kids. This way, you don't have to see photos/social updates but you can still reach him if need be.

[charity]

It takes much longer yes, but you can get over it in time. Right now is the hard time. Have faith that it will get better.

There are ways to help yourself-stay off his social media, avoid personal emotional chats, keep your head high and be polite and good willed in relation to his contact with kids.

[Jeffbobo]

You are legally separated? You go to court and get a court ordered custody and visitation schedule and file for child support. No contact is not an option with children.

 

The way to heal is through therapy for yourself and a consultation with a divorce attorney to review your options and strategy going forward regarding children, assets, the home, etc..

 

I second this. Additionally, once you have the kids schedule set in place, there is absolutely no reason you have to see him whatsoever. Any communication can be done through email. And keep it solely about the kids. You are both parents and are each fully responsible for your children's well being when they are with each of you. This is the closest you can get to no contact with the kids.

[randomer2000]

One thing is to never talk about their father to your kids at such a young and tender age. It gives off the wrong impression.

 

However if he does not want to keep in contact with you then there is nothing you can do, but always be very loving towards him, at least in front of the kids. ANd ensure that he does it too so that the kids grow up to be respectful and understanding adults.