doverf5ve Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 So we met online in December for our first date. He dissaperead for chistmas and New Years then went off for training abroad but we kept in touch with daily messaging. Despite the time difference we would message each other constantly good mornings and good nights. Our second date was in late January when he got back and we met for drinks, movies etc. We kissed on the 4th date and by the 5th and 6th date things got heated. I'd be at his watching movies and we'd kiss and cuddle on the sofa. We engaged in some heavy petting and he tried to take my clothes off. I told him at the very beginning that I was very much looking for a relationship and that I get intimate when in a relationship. He took it all very well and walked me home. He told me he was looking to meet someone and just see where it goes. We haven't had sex and finally told him I am a virgin. We still message every day and I am seeing him again this week. My question is should I ask that all important question or wait? We joke around sometimes, he would remind me that I left my scent and hair at his place and that it's 100% mine and nobody else's. He also tells me what he does every day, when he's alone etc. He seems sweet and genuine but he is also still online and is logged in every day. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 If you plan to have sex have the exclusivity talk.by the 5th and 6th date things got heated. He told me he was looking to meet someone and just see where it goes. We haven't had sex and finally told him I am a virgin. He seems sweet and genuine but he is also still online and is logged in every day. Link to comment
Scoe141 Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 It's still pretty early on to have that chat. If you two have gone out only a few times, you probably don't even know him. I would be reluctant to share that part of you so soon. I'd wait. Take your time and get to know him. If you sense any trepidation from yourself, you're probably not ready. Link to comment
limichelle Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 I agree with Wiseman whole hearted on this! Just tell him you want to be more and if he thinks it's too soon still hold off on sex. Don't compromise your beliefs just to have sex before you are ready! Link to comment
Dahl Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Hello, Paranu. Shock and awe - I agree ardently with Wiseman's point. I also agree with Scoe's feedback, and I do not believe that the two are mutually exclusive. I think it may be a bit early for you two to become intimate based on the relative newness of what has yet to be officially designated as a relationship, but my input is neither here nor there if you are interested, for your own reasons, of course, and barring any outside pressure (from anyone/thing, not just this chap). However, I would stringently echo Wiseman's advice that if you are interested in being intimate with this fellow, the discussion on exclusivity and expectations really needs to be the first move. I wish you the best of luck. Link to comment
SoulTaker Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 I told him at the very beginning that I was very much looking for a relationship and that I get intimate when in a relationship. He told me he was looking to meet someone and just see where it goes. He seems sweet and genuine but he is also still online and is logged in every day. Op, it looks like the two of you might have different goals in dating. You want a relationship. I'm not hearing the same thing from him. That "see where it goes" remark is not about a relationship. if your goal is to wait for a relationship, then stay on the path. I wouldn't recommend going over to his house and carry on, especially this early in the dating process. It sends out mixed signals, and places you in a vulnerable position. Also, what "chat" are you referring to? It appears to be too soon to ask about now being in a relationship, which you have already explained your position on. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Seeing that the sexual tension is already high, it's somewhat difficult to dial it back after the fact. Never the less, I might suggest if he asks you out again you agree to an outside date and refrain from tv, cuddling, petting dates. If the subject comes up again or the sexual tension rises just be honest with him. You can respectfully state your position on this without asking anything of him in return. Just be clear that you respect where ever he's at and what ever he's looking for and encourage him to do so, but you however, do not have sex outside of a monogamous relationship. Tell him it's ok. . .you aren't entirely sure that either of you are ready for that and you are enjoying getting to know him. I'd leave it at that. . See what his response might be. His actions from there will tell you what you need to do. He'll either respect it, make some sort of declaration or pull back. People in general respect someone who has clear boundaries and strength to stand behind them. He may find this a very attractive quality. If not. . then it's time to move on. Link to comment
SeptemberSylv Posted February 18, 2017 Share Posted February 18, 2017 Are you sure if you're getting into this relationship because of him or because you're eager to lose something... Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 18, 2017 Share Posted February 18, 2017 Firstly, no more "netflix and chill".. Go on real dates. No sofa dates. I think that telling him you are a virgin only after so few dates and no talk yet about sex may give him the impression you want to lose it with him. He wants to 'see where things go' - so dial this steam back YES you can dial it back by going out on dates and not spending time on his sofa. You don't have to say you are dialing back - just do it = otherwise you are going to have sex with him and then be upset that he doesn't want to commit. Link to comment
doverf5ve Posted February 18, 2017 Author Share Posted February 18, 2017 Firstly, no more "netflix and chill".. Go on real dates. No sofa dates. I think that telling him you are a virgin only after so few dates and no talk yet about sex may give him the impression you want to lose it with him. He wants to 'see where things go' - so dial this steam back YES you can dial it back by going out on dates and not spending time on his sofa. You don't have to say you are dialing back - just do it = otherwise you are going to have sex with him and then be upset that he doesn't want to commit. Okay, on our second date I asked him what he was looking for. The hot and heavy stuff was on date 6/7 and I just felt like I had to tell him. Link to comment
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