Heartbrokenkid Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Hi, I was dumped on New Years Eve by my ex girlfriend of 8 years whom I have a 6 year old with. We have been arguing for the past few months prior to the breakup due to my anger and jealousy issues. And I'll admit I got too comfortable with the relationship and I did not show my love like I should have. My ex girlfriend basically wanted to break up to find herself and to see what she wants. After a few weeks we have decent to not so good convos. She has told me that she wants me to prove that I love her and to see if I change. She tells me that she really wants to get back together in the future but just not right now. She says she is not ready and still does not feel the same for me. She wants to learn to love me again. I asked her multiple times if she wants me to stop fighting for her and to leave her alone. She says no but sometimes her actions say otherwise. Her sister says she is in a phase where she just wants to go and whatnot. Again she says she doesn't feel anything for me but she also says she really wants to eat back together in the future. (I'm 28 she is 25) I really do want to reconcile with her and I have been working on myself to make myself better but also to be a better person for her and to be an ever better father. The breakup happened on New Year's Eve (over a month ago) is that considered still fresh? Please help any advice to get her back. Also some clarity on does she really want me back in the future like she says. And why not now? Thank you in advance Any advice? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 How are you working on yourself? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Excellent you are focusing on being the best man and dad you can be. Lay back don't smother and keep it brief and polite when seeing your son. Did she move out or did you? Doing the math, I sort of agree with the sister's theory if she was tied down to family/a child at 19. Let her 'find herself' and come to you. I have a 6 year old with. Her sister says she is in a phase where she just wants to go and whatnot. she is 25. Link to comment
Heartbrokenkid Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 Working on my anger. Finding positive ways to cope with it. Going to the gym a lot to become more healthy and fit. Looking for a better job to best provide for myself and family. And planning to go back to school Link to comment
Heartbrokenkid Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 We had an apartment together and ended up moving back to our parent's house. I'm on the couch and she's in the garage Link to comment
Heartbrokenkid Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 How are you working on yourself? Working on my anger. Finding positive ways to cope with it. Going to the gym a lot to become more healthy and fit. Looking for a better job to best provide for myself and family. And planning to go back t Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Have you done therapy? Link to comment
Heartbrokenkid Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 Have you done therapy? I talk to a pastor about it. He really puts things into perspective. Basically when I'm mad tothink about the actions and if what made me mad is even something to be mad about. And it has worked. Cus i catch myself more and also let a lot of small stuff go Link to comment
Heartbrokenkid Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 Did she move out or did you? We had an apartment together and ended up moving back to our parent's house. I'm on the couch and she's in the garage. I moved out first because she brought home flowers from another guy at a attempt to make me react (and I did obviously that's why I moved) Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Perhaps, you should consider a therapist who is trained to deal with anger issues. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Yikes, yeah it sounds like gigs and a too much too young and missed out type of thing. Give it space. Eventually you'll have to communicate about your child. I moved out first because she brought home flowers from another guy at a attempt to make me react and I did obviously that's why I moved Link to comment
Heartbrokenkid Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 Yikes, yeah it sounds like gigs and a too much too young and missed out type of thing. Give it space. Eventually you'll have to communicate about your child. Do you think she means it when she says "I want us to be together in the future" ? And why not now? I really hope we can reconcile in the future Also is gigs just a phase she will get out of? Link to comment
Heartbrokenkid Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 Yes I may. I been researching local places I can try to inquire about it Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Where were you not working a second side job to keep a roof over your child's head?? A garage is no place for a child to live. Have you gone to counseling together? I wouldn't want to live with someone who had anger issues and wouldn't want a child to see that. If you decided to leave the house to get help, then you needed to keep stability for your child and keep the child in the place that they know of. Link to comment
Heartbrokenkid Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 Where were you not working a second side job to keep a roof over your child's head?? A garage is no place for a child to live. Have you gone to counseling together? I wouldn't want to live with someone who had anger issues and wouldn't want a child to see that. If you decided to leave the house to get help, then you needed to keep stability for your child and keep the child in the place that they know of. We had an apartment. We both had jobs. I have 2 jobs as of now trying to get my own place with my son. Also trying to get a governement job so I can just have 1 occupation. I sleep on the couch at my moms and my son stays in her room. At my ex girlfriends parents they both sleep in the garage where she made it a room. I decided to move out because I couldn't live with my ex when she is trying to make me jealous and react. Link to comment
shessofly Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Do you think she means it when she says "I want us to be together in the future" ? And why not now? I really hope we can reconcile in the future Also is gigs just a phase she will get out of? Not sure, lots of dumpers say that. Because not much time has passed, nothing has changed (anger issues and whatever else do not go away in a month's time), she wants to be free and is probably feeling some sense of relief from getting out of what sounds like a very stressful situation. GIGS? No one can say. She may decide that she likes her new life. One thing is certain - trying to pressure or otherwise convince her to come back will only make things worse for you (push her even further away). Let her breathe. You need this too. Be a good father. Limit conversations to your kid only. Do the work. Link to comment
Heartbrokenkid Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 Not sure, lots of dumpers say that. Because not much time has passed, nothing has changed (anger issues and whatever else do not go away in a month's time), she wants to be free and is probably feeling some sense of relief from getting out of what sounds like a very stressful situation. GIGS? No one can say. She may decide that she likes her new life. One thing is certain - trying to pressure or otherwise convince her to come back will only make things worse for you (push her even further away). Let her breathe. You need this too. Be a good father. Limit conversations to your kid only. Do the work. She called me today begging to FaceTime while I was using the bathroom. I said no and ended the convo. She later texted me after she picked up our son that I didn't even look at her. And called me boo later. I'm confused Link to comment
shessofly Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 She called me today begging to FaceTime while I was using the bathroom. I said no and ended the convo. She later texted me after she picked up our son that I didn't even look at her. And called me boo later. I'm confused Cruise the forums a bit longer. You will see this is VERY common behavior. She's probably confused too. Eight years is a long time. She basically grew up with you. Link to comment
Heartbrokenkid Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 I just want us to start over Link to comment
fantom1399 Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 I just want us to start over You need to let her do her own thing. Like other people have been saying, just limit your conversations to your child. She doesn't need to know about you and you don't need to keep wondering about her. This is the time that both of you should be working on yourself. The wound is still fresh and changing takes time. When she is ready, she will reach out to you and at that time you can try taking her out on a date when she talks about something other than your child. If she's asking about you, she is showing interest. At that moment is when you try dating her again. Go to the movies, dinner, mini putt. Things you use to do before. The big thing is not to rush it. The relationship sounds like it wasn't enough time for her to live out her youth and now she is trying to find what she was missing. Let her come back to you when she is ready or else you will end up pushing her further away. I hope all go well bud. Stay strong. I'm rooting for you! Link to comment
Heartbrokenkid Posted February 25, 2017 Author Share Posted February 25, 2017 UPDATE. So last week my ex was coming back from the snow with her family. She texted me that my son wants to spend the night with me and to get him. Also she is dying to see me. We ended up not seeing each other that night but we went to the mall together the next day. Later on in the evening she text me "I enjoyed being with you today, it brought back memories" then around midnight she text me "I feel lost" "I want this, want us" "but my pride tells me no" "I can't be this weak". A week later we decided to go to the mall just us. It was a pretty ok day. We talked and laughed a little. She we accidentally touched each others hands. She said it was "old habits" She text me later that night she really enjoyed being with me today. So today i noticed she deleted one of our pictures off instagram. The most recent one. (But there are more of us still up.) I am very confused where we are right now. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP AND EXPLAIN Link to comment
Heartbrokenkid Posted February 25, 2017 Author Share Posted February 25, 2017 You need to let her do her own thing. Like other people have been saying, just limit your conversations to your child. She doesn't need to know about you and you don't need to keep wondering about her. This is the time that both of you should be working on yourself. The wound is still fresh and changing takes time. When she is ready, she will reach out to you and at that time you can try taking her out on a date when she talks about something other than your child. If she's asking about you, she is showing interest. At that moment is when you try dating her again. Go to the movies, dinner, mini putt. Things you use to do before. The big thing is not to rush it. The relationship sounds like it wasn't enough time for her to live out her youth and now she is trying to find what she was missing. Let her come back to you when she is ready or else you will end up pushing her further away. I hope all go well bud. Stay strong. I'm rooting for you! UPDATE. So last week my ex was coming back from the snow with her family. She texted me that my son wants to spend the night with me and to get him. Also she is dying to see me. We ended up not seeing each other that night but we went to the mall together the next day. Later on in the evening she text me "I enjoyed being with you today, it brought back memories" then around midnight she text me "I feel lost" "I want this, want us" "but my pride tells me no" "I can't be this weak". A week later we decided to go to the mall just us. It was a pretty ok day. We talked and laughed a little. She we accidentally touched each others hands. She said it was "old habits" She text me later that night she really enjoyed being with me today. So today i noticed she deleted one of our pictures off instagram. The most recent one. (But there are more of us still up.) I am very confused where we are right now. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP AND EXPLAIN Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.