Kaldia Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 Hi everyone - I'm looking for advice... My ex broke up with me over 2.5 years ago, he was cheating - I caught him -and he dumped me. After that he talked me into staying friends with him for about a year or so after.... Long story short I realize that my self esteem while dating him and while being talked into being a friend was very low...and then I met a new guy who made me feel like a new person! I realized that I could no longer keep ties with my ex as he was a bad person in my life....so I told him very firmly that I did not wish to continue being in contact. I was very honest with what I said and in no way was I rude. Just firm. He backed off for about 3 months...then the texts and calls started up again. About every other day I will receive 3 or 4 calls from him. I finally told him that I was going to block him because he could not respect my wishes, and to not attempt contact again. I did....then I started receiving 3 or 4 calls from an Unknown ID. He leaves messages acting like I never said any of this to him. I also receive emails from him saying that he is "concerned" about me and that my "Friends are leading me astray" and that we should "grab coffee".... Its upsetting me so much. I ignored every message for a about 6 months....but when he left me a message saying he was moving near where I lived I caved in and emailed him that I now consider this harassment and that any further contact after this will be documented and handed to authorities. So my question is....should I actually contact authorities? I feel like it isn't enough for me to open a case but I jut don't know how to make him leave me alone!! I mean he broke it off with me to begin with and now he just won't let me be!! Any advice would be helpful Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 If he continues to contact you, speak with someone at the police station to open up a file. Get a restraining order. And if he comes to see you, call the police immediately. Link to comment
Aarontmarshall Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 Hi everyone - I'm looking for advice... My ex broke up with me over 2.5 years ago, he was cheating - I caught him -and he dumped me. After that he talked me into staying friends with him for about a year or so after.... Long story short I realize that my self esteem while dating him and while being talked into being a friend was very low...and then I met a new guy who made me feel like a new person! I realized that I could no longer keep ties with my ex as he was a bad person in my life....so I told him very firmly that I did not wish to continue being in contact. I was very honest with what I said and in no way was I rude. Just firm. He backed off for about 3 months...then the texts and calls started up again. About every other day I will receive 3 or 4 calls from him. I finally told him that I was going to block him because he could not respect my wishes, and to not attempt contact again. I did....then I started receiving 3 or 4 calls from an Unknown ID. He leaves messages acting like I never said any of this to him. I also receive emails from him saying that he is "concerned" about me and that my "Friends are leading me astray" and that we should "grab coffee".... Its upsetting me so much. I ignored every message for a about 6 months....but when he left me a message saying he was moving near where I lived I caved in and emailed him that I now consider this harassment and that any further contact after this will be documented and handed to authorities. So my question is....should I actually contact authorities? I feel like it isn't enough for me to open a case but I jut don't know how to make him leave me alone!! I mean he broke it off with me to begin with and now he just won't let me be!! Any advice would be helpful This is clearly harassment, I wouldn't give it a second thought if I were you. Report him to the authorities and get on with your life. Link to comment
Krankor Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 I would talk to an attorney first and see how he/she would recommend proceeding. I'm not certain that this falls under the legal definition of harassment yet but it's definitely entering that territory since he isn't respecting your expressed desire to be left alone. Document everything; keep records. Link to comment
musicman777 Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 I wouldn't really wait on it; this guy isn't respecting any of your wishes. You've told him numerous times to leave you alone and now he has the guts to email you some six months later telling you he is moving near where you live. Does this guy not have anything better to do but dwell over you and your life? Next he'll start showing up at your doorstep... I would call the police now, start with them first. Say this idiot won't leave you alone and you would like to file a restraining order or some type of legal protection. Don't hang up until you can get someone to help you or do something. Go there in person if you must. If they screw around, call a lawyer; 99% of them will offer advice for free on what to do and how to proceed. Call a couple to get ideas and what they would charge to take care of the legal proceedings and paperwork. Lawyers make everything easy but also want a lot of money sometimes, so I would start with the police first. Also a note, lawyers are negotiable if you don't want to go overboard and I'm sure most would want to ultimately help someone who feels endangered. I wouldn't wait on any of this, because who knows what your ex is really capable of. He doesn't seem to take "no" for answer as to leaving you alone. And if he's making any plans to move near you, maybe he'll think twice when he gets served court papers to stay away from you. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 If he keeps contacting you, yes do tell the police. Especially now that you told him to stop and you would go to the police. Document everything ;(what, when, what he said, etc). Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 I would talk to an attorney first and see how he/she would recommend proceeding. I'm not certain that this falls under the legal definition of harassment yet but it's definitely entering that territory since he isn't respecting your expressed desire to be left alone. Document everything; keep records. It is harassment. Report it. Change you number, too. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 Tell him writing (email works) to stop contacting you, or that you will file a restraining order and if he contacts you even once after that, go to the police. But why the heck would you have stayed "friends" with this guy for so long?? Also, I would be concerned about your new relationship. You may not know the red flags of potential abuse. Keep an eye open here - guys with good boundaries get to know you gradually - if you feel swept off your feet and that its moving quickly, you may want to slow down. Link to comment
Kaldia Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 Thank you everybody! This really helped me realize what I need to do...I think I just needed some backup in knowing that I am indeed right in feeling the way I do. I'm going to bring it up to authorities after work today. Thanks again, everyone. Link to comment
Kaldia Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 Thank you for your detailed advice. I didn't even think to contact an attorney... I've never had to deal with something like this. Link to comment
Kaldia Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 Thank you for your concern....actually I have had therapy sessions since my last boyfriend...and this new relationship happened while I was in the middle of them. The reason why I have stopped being friends with my ex is because I HAVE realized these red flags...but thank you. Also this new relationship was a year after I had broken up with the last one... Link to comment
Kaldia Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 Tell him writing (email works) to stop contacting you, or that you will file a restraining order and if he contacts you even once after that, go to the police. But why the heck would you have stayed "friends" with this guy for so long?? Also, I would be concerned about your new relationship. You may not know the red flags of potential abuse. Keep an eye open here - guys with good boundaries get to know you gradually - if you feel swept off your feet and that its moving quickly, you may want to slow down. Thank you for your concern....actually I have had therapy sessions since my last boyfriend...and this new relationship happened while I was in the middle of them. The reason why I have stopped being friends with my ex is because I HAVE realized these red flags...but thank you. Also this new relationship was a year after I had broken up with the last one... Link to comment
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