Condolences during NC?

[MindLESS]

Ok. I know that. I said what I said because I was encouraging you to question your motives.

 

And regardless of what your intentions were - it happened. And she has the right to feel whatever she feels.

 

ALSO. You don't know anyway. It may not have been delivered. You're reading too much in to it.

 

So unfriend her. Stop following her.

 

I know... I just hope I haven't hurt her further.. that above everything.. is the last thing that I ever want to do.

[catfeeder]

I sent a sympathy card, addressed to both..

 

"I was sad to see that your grandfather passed away. Words are inadequate. I wish you are and your family peace and strength during these times.

 

Yours,

 

Signed"

 

How could that be taken as offensive? Regardless of timing.

 

This is fine, and of itself there's nothing offensive about it at all. What we don't know is the reason for the breakup and how it went down. Everything is about context, and we can't speak to what we don't know.

[abitbroken]

Yeah.. well this is exactly what I DIDNT want to happen if it that was meant for me.. I was just trying to be kind.

 

I am wondering how you found out about the death unless you are stalking her Facebook. Young people typically don't randomly read obituaries.

[MindLESS]

She just texted me... "Wanted to write- but afraid I would take too long- thank you for the card. I really appreciate it." Its been probably 10 days since she received it.. I found it strange she waited so long.

 

I'm wondering if I should even respond.. or just say you're welcome

[Wiseman2]

No response. Don't use this as an opportunity to reup communication. It takes a while after the dust settles to thank all the people who sent condolences.

She just texted me... "Wanted to write- but afraid I would take too long- thank you for the card. I really appreciate it." I'm wondering if I should even respond.. or just say you're welcome

[MindLESS]

No response. Don't use this as an opportunity to reup communication. It takes a while after the dust settles to thank all the people who sent condolences.

 

I don't intend to re-up communication in anyway.. I just thought that a simple "you're welcome, be well." would be acceptable.

[JaggerJim]

I don't intend to re-up communication in anyway.. I just thought that a simple "you're welcome, be well." would be acceptable.

 

Actually yes, that is the perfect response. Then just leave it. At least she knows you cared enough to send the card.

[MindLESS]

Actually yes, that is the perfect response. Then just leave it. At least she knows you cared enough to send the card.

 

 

Yeah, I'll send that in a few hours.. as I'm technically working..

 

Thank you all so much.

[MindLESS]

Actually yes, that is the perfect response. Then just leave it. At least she knows you cared enough to send the card.

 

ANNNNDDDD of course she replies an hour later with "How are you"..

 

F#%@.. I was really hoping the silence would persist.. what is the appropriate move here.. I really have to be cautious because I do not want to be rude, but I also do not to have a long conversation?

[mustlovedogs]

Don't respond. You don't owe her friendship

[MindLESS]

Don't respond. You don't owe her friendship

 

I know I don't owe her anything.. This is just delicate and I don't want to further diminish anything.

[Doofus]

Well, the good news is that I really doubt her 'know thyself' post was aimed at you, given her subsequent texts. So, there's that.

 

You should only respond if you are SURE that you can have a short exchange of texts with her without 1. straying from the most banal topics - except, maybe, about her grandfather 2. it setting you back 3 it getting your hopes up

 

If you can meet those requirements, you should reply with 'good. hope you are too'. Whether she replies, and how long the reply is if she does will tell you something useful, I think. So, in that sense it's worth it to do it.

 

If you can't meet those requirements, then, you should probably not respond. Not only might it set you back, but it could set back your chances of getting back together again. She might be - might be - just checking to make sure you're still into her, and, only to satisfy her own ego, or.. who knows? I mention this so you are prepared - just in case.

[jmb]

SO what happened??