Can't make her orgasm

[bimjeam007]

I've been seeing this girl for the last few weeks. We seem to be getting on really well, but there's one thing that concerns me and it's that I can't seem to get her to orgasm when we have sex. I'm not too experienced myself which may have something to do with it, but I feel fairy confident these days (more than I used to be anyway) and know my way round a woman's body pretty well

 

We've had sex a couple of times so far and both times we must have done around 30 mins of foreplay before I went inside her. Both foreplay sessions I've been all over her, stimulating her breasts, fingering her and giving her oral... but even after all that I cant make her orgasm either with the foreplay or when we have sex after it.

 

I've only been with one girl before this one, and this other girl was so easy to please (I think I was quite lucky in that sense)... she would even orgasm just from breast stimulation and then multiple times from everything else.

 

But this new girl is very different. I normally find using my fingers is the easiest way to please a girl but not with this one, even when she guides my hand / fingers. Going by her body language (and scratching my back) it seems like she enjoys it, but not to the point of climaxing.

 

Also both times we've had sex I was quite drunk which made me last a good 30 mins of sex before I orgasmed myself... so it's not like I'm finishing too early.

 

She doesnt seem to mind any of this however, she only seems bothered about my orgasm... she doesnt seem to care if she has one herself or not. I think this might be because she seems quite into me, but Im worried she might leave me further down the line if she gets tired of me never pleasing her in bed.

 

I feel like I should say something but no idea what? I've already asked her what she likes and generally let her guide me, but Im running out of ideas.

[WithLove]

Some women can't orgasm. But I'm sort on the team of "she's just not too emotionally invested yet and therefore it's more difficult to get her off". Give it time. Keep doing what she likes and as time passes, I think it'll get better.

[bimjeam007]

Some women can't orgasm. But I'm sort on the team of "she's just not too emotionally invested yet and therefore it's more difficult to get her off". Give it time. Keep doing what she likes and as time passes, I think it'll get better.

 

Hopefully it will get better but I dunno, she seems really into me already... in fact I'd even go as far as to say she seems madly in love with me. I'm pretty certain she'll be very keen on the idea of a long term relationship with me if I suggest it. I think I'd like something serious with her too, but it affects my confidence if I can't please her in bed.

 

If it does look as though she may be the type that can't orgasm, when should I bring it up? I think I'd prefer to know whether the problem was down to me being bad in bed or whether she just can't orgasm

[beternal]

What I've found (ladies, please feel free to disagree or add input) is that there's no harm in asking!

 

I'm not saying your casual, *do you enjoy this* but I mean a more thorough, scientific approach lol. It sounds crazy but as every woman is different, some require gentle stimulation, harder, biting, nipple play as I'm sure you're well aware. There's absolutely no harm in asking early on for a road map as it benefits her too!

 

What I mean is while you're licking there, go through various pressures and ask which one works best for her... ask her whether clitoral is the main focus or internal... are the nipples sensitive or relatively unimportant... Even systematically go through every inch of her body and ask for a pleasure rating from 1-10! As I say, it sounds crazy but if only IF ONLY women did this for us too! - pressure, speed, consistency, tongue-play, foreplay... these all vary between people and even vary depending on the time of day!

 

...but as WithLove said, not all women can... so don't take it personally.

 

Might be worth asking if she has any toys or (maybe not the best idea... previous partners) and ask if they've made her orgasm... then you can get a feeling for why.

[beternal]

If it does look as though she may be the type that can't orgasm, when should I bring it up? I think I'd prefer to know whether the problem was down to me being bad in bed or whether she just can't orgasm

 

Don't think of sex as a competition! and no matter what you do, don't make a big deal out of it and act hurt etc if she says she can orgasm, but just hasn't yet. I know you want to please her but women *often* (generalisation), require a lot of emotion and comfort before they can relax enough to orgasm. Give it time

[WithLove]

To add to my post and Beternal's response -

 

Prior to my current guy, it was extremely difficult to get me off, even with hands. However, he seemed to pay attention to me (body language, sounds, etc) and quickly found what I enjoyed more and less. So, definitely pay attention, and also just talk to her. Ask her what she likes.

 

And I also want to point out that even though it was rare for me to orgasm with other men, it didn't detract from the experience of being intimate with them. Like your girl, it pleased me a lot to make my partners feel good. For me personally, my own orgasm is not the ultimate goal of having sex, like it usually is with men.

[Doc Blaze]

communication is key. females are different.

[Wiseman2]

It's too soon. You barely (no pun intended, lol) know each other. Every woman is wired differently.

 

Take your time exploring each other, ask her what she likes, don't drink so much and be romantic before you hit the sheets. Foreplay starts by setting the mood, atmosphere, etc not just when the touching beings.

I can't seem to get her to orgasm. I've only been with one girl before this one. Also both times we've had sex I was quite drunk.

[j.man]

Has she ever orgasmed?

[Limiya]

It's not a goal. It's not the be all and end all of sex (Like it usually is for guys). You shouldn't go into sex as a mission to get her to orgasm.

You will enjoy it less, and so will she.

 

How do i know? From experience.

 

I am a woman. I have had sex with different men. If i don't orgasm, no big deal, if i do? Ok.

I don't have sex to orgasm. It's to enjoy myself and my partner. If i just wanted an orgasm, i would just stay at home and do it myself. It's easier.

Most of the time i need to help myself when having sex, in order to orgasm. It's very rare i can get the big O from foreplay and sex alone. But that's just how i am.

 

As above posters have said, all women are different. Sometimes i don't want an orgasm, sometimes i'm too tired and just enjoy the act of sex itself. Sometimes i don't want foreplay. Sometimes i want all of it. Other times i just want the connection with my partner or even a quickie.

 

If she is enjoying herself (which it sounds like she is) then relax, and just keep enjoying yourself. Focus on all of her body and not just the main areas. If she senses you're just trying to get her to have an orgasm, she'll feel pressured. You might as well noth bother. I've witnessed this before. I've had guys keep asking 'Are you close yet?' over and over. And it just set me back to square one and it won't happen.

 

I've explained to my current partner that it takes me time to orgasm, and i don't always. He is fine with that because i am. However, he still takes his time, explores everywhere. No rush. Just enjoys exploring every inch. That's what it's all about. There's no pressure and when there's no pressure, that's when it's more likely to happen.

 

Good luck. Relax. Enjoy getting to know each other.

Limiya

[Kal78]

I am another woman who has trouble with orgasming with sex. I think I have all of 2- 3 times. It is very emotional and I usually get close and enjoy myself quite a bit I just can't let go and the more I try the farther away it gets. Relax. Have fun and keep taking care of her. Don't push too hard it will make it worse. If you are both comfortable enough to talk about it ask how she gets herself off. Also think about adding in a vibrator if that is something that would help.

I had a couple guys who made a big deal out of it and it was a turn off.

[485HPLady]

Is she young? This may or may not have anything to do with it, but when I was young, I didn't know my body yet. The first guy I was with, I married. Yeah.. when he touched me it felt good... but no matter what he did, I didn't climax for the first 6 years or so of our relationship. A lot of factors came in to play with this. Bottom line is that you should have a talk with her. Just a light-hearted talk to find out how she feels about the situation. The fact that you seem to care, is a great thing.

[Matt3939]

Don't worry about it. It's not a huge deal if everything else is fine and she's not making it a big deal. I dated a girl it took her over a year others happens right away. One said I was very determined haha. As long as you both are happy. Hay she might be addicted to vibrators if she is incorporate them.

[thejigsup]

To add to my post and Beternal's response -

 

Prior to my current guy, it was extremely difficult to get me off, even with hands. However, he seemed to pay attention to me (body language, sounds, etc) and quickly found what I enjoyed more and less. So, definitely pay attention, and also just talk to her. Ask her what she likes.

 

And I also want to point out that even though it was rare for me to orgasm with other men, it didn't detract from the experience of being intimate with them. Like your girl, it pleased me a lot to make my partners feel good. For me personally, my own orgasm is not the ultimate goal of having sex, like it usually is with men.

 

I have to disagree. It is attitudes like this that make some men very selfish lovers. Orgasm is VERY important to me and it should be for All women. It's not that hard or difficult if you have a partner who knows how to turn women on. Sex without orgasm? What's the point? I have as much right to an orgasm as a man and I make damn sure I have one.

[WithLove]

I have to disagree. It is attitudes like this that make some men very selfish lovers. Orgasm is VERY important to me and it should be for All women. It's not that hard or difficult if you have a partner who knows how to turn women on. Sex without orgasm? What's the point? I have as much right to an orgasm as a man and I make damn sure I have one.

 

And with respect, Jigs, attitudes like this make some women very selfish lovers, as well. I'm not all about an orgasm because I enjoy myself just as much without one, because I feed on the connection I'm getting from the other person. If I orgasm, it's a bonus that I wasn't expecting.

[Frenchy37]

And with respect, Jigs, attitudes like this make some women very selfish lovers, as well. I'm not all about an orgasm because I enjoy myself just as much without one, because I feed on the connection I'm getting from the other person. If I orgasm, it's a bonus that I wasn't expecting.

 

This.

 

I've been with some women who want an orgasm but don't weigh in on how difficult they are (as individuals) at reaching climax. In fact one women, at first I could never get her there, and boy did I try. Then as our relationship got stronger... one night it happened... and I didn't do much.... LITERALLY.... and I noticed it wasn't on the act of sex or anything but just the closeness we had which got her to that point.

 

Two other types I've experienced: Givers who will stop at nothing to ensure I was happy. Takers, who put themselves first and were really unhappy if they didn't climax, even if they admitted that it was super difficult and rare happened.

 

Sexual chemistry is a balance, and it is hard to find the right balance.

[Ashley5886]

A few things...Not all girls can get off, Most girls are great at faking so don't compare her BC at least she is honest (and others may not be). Take her body language at face value..if she acts like she likes it then she does (if girls fake its only their loss). If you talk with her about it I'd say not to talk to her in the moment BC that could be embarrassing for her, just casually ask what you could do better for her and she will either give you constructive feedback or say she just doesn't ever get off. Good luck!

[fabact]

Yea I'd talk to her (after sex in bed) and say, I'd like to make you orgasm. Is there something you enjoy? Not to get too graphic but do you go down on her? The clit is super sensitive and I suggest you really familiarize yourself with it (where it is, the quadrant (area) that is her most sensitive, etc.. Overstimularion of the area (too rough with the hands or going inside before the clit has been stimulated it can make it not happen in my case.. it has to be graduall. Women have over 8 thousand nerve endings in that area. Men half half of that. So for a man you can be more aggressive and rough. A woman is better to start gentle and build up) also try to get her to orgasm before you do. It will be more pleasing for you in the end I think.. Good luck!

[mandeelove]

Coming from a woman, alot of it is mental. Sometimes a woman gets stuck in her head and it interferes. It doesnt mean u arent doing a great job! Ive had this happen to me several times and it wasnt the guy at all. It was me stuck in my head not relaxing. Once she knows u longer she will relax and let it go. But kudos to u for caring about her that much to worry about her climax and sticking it out for 30 mins foreplay.

[mandeelove]

Sorry I also meant to add. Orgasm doesnt equal great sex. Or vice versa. We still enjoy it without the end result . We'd all want that in a perfect world but sex is still good without it so dont beat yourself down.