Not Fair Being The third Person in a Relationship/Affair

[dash_Wag]

Where can i start?

Well i have madly fallen in love with someone who is engaged been with her fella for 7 years and is also pregnant to him "i think!" i am 21 years old she is 25 and her other half is 32

 

I started seeing thins girl 15 month ago, i was seeing her for three month then she told me that she was engaged it broke my heart, I have been in many relationships and I would say I am well experienced for my age, but I have never felt the way I feel about this girls, the spark is unbelievable. Well, after she told me out of stupidity i carried on seeing her, but kept it a secret, but then one day i made a mistake and told some friends who obviously told over friends and our secret nearly got out and to her boyfriend who's mates warned me off her, and I was sure that her boyfriend was going to find out sooner or later, but later that week her mother of a young age died and i believe that because of that no one told her boyfriend, now she is nine month pregnant and I'm madly in love with her but she wont leave her boyfriend for the simple fact he is minted!!!! And after her mother died she adopted her little brother of whom lives with them now, I understand she wants the best for her family but where do i stand what should i do, should I always be second best shall I always feel hurt i want her so much, What should I do, I've tried walking away but one of us always contacts the other one.

[huszar]

You obviously feel very strongly...but look at these points.

 

1. She has a fiance already.

2. She is a cheater, though its not your fault.

3. She is going to have a kid.

 

 

And there are two ways this is going to come out. One is that she stops seeing you, because this can't go on forever.

 

The second is that she leaves this guy for you.

 

Either way its negative. She couldn't stay faithful to her fiance, and I doubt that for long she will stay faithful to you. And forming a LTR with a kid involved makes it worse. No matter how much you want to think otherwise, once a cheater always a cheater. You deserve someone who thinks highly enough of other people to not do that.

 

Plus, you are the third person, and when you continue seeing this girl you contribute to the problem. If you walk away, stop answering her calls, and go looking for a GOOD woman you will be much happier and it will not weigh on your conscience. You are only 21 and there are much greener pastures for a person as yourself.

 

I hope you take these points into consideration...I think you should walk away. Think more highly of yourself, no good girl would ever put you into that situation.

[RayKay]

You found out she was with someone else, heck, pregnant by someone else but you are still carrying on a relationship with her? Sorry to say but that is setting yourself up for trouble, especially if she stays with a guy because he is "minted" as you said - I would not be sure of her judgement right now either.

 

Even if she DID leave the wealthy bf, it is likely she would cheat on you too, since she has carried it on for so long already. And by contributing to the situation right now (knowing she is cheating) you are enabling her and basically clearing the way for her to cheat on you one day (which technically she already is with this bf anyway).

 

Respect yourself and move on from this relationship - you ARE young and there are many better women out there...you may not believe it right now - but there are. Ones who are amazing AND faithful. Don't settle for less than you deserve as you are right now.

[annie24]

I strongly agree with Huszar. I think it would be in your best interest if you were to stop seeing her. If later, she and her fiancee break up, and she is single, you can go back to seeing her. I know it's difficult - sometimes you can't help who you love. But this situation, as it stands, just brings heartache for everyone.

 

Best of luck

[Cecelius]

1) Think about the b/f who's getting cheated on -- from his, and my, perspective, you don't really have a lot of room to claim any kind of treatment, frankly.

 

2) What everyone else said about the cheating. No matter what else, she sounds INSANELY young and immature. Most people buckle up when they get in a family way and shake off the silliness of youth (men get more responsible, women need less attention from other men, everyone starts building a nest, etc.). Despite this, she still needs and she's getting ego pumps from you.

 

3) I'd jump way back just on the grounds that based on timing, someone may start asking whether you've had any part in getting her in a family way. Watch how fast she runs as soon as her connection with the b/f evaporates.

[SimoneTiger]

Face it: you are not asking for advice, you are asking for a permission to continue an atrocious affair. Sorry, but the answer is NO.

 

The fact that you are involved with this girl proves that you have no respect for yourself and franky, you should not expect anybody else to have respect for you.

 

How many lives do you want to ruin?

 

Simone

[bungle]

End it now, you do not want to be with a cheater and think of the man she is cheating on.

[mscolly]

Get out now, while you can. You're still young, you'll find someone honest, that's right for you. You'll find that spark again. The more you hang on to this relationship, with someone that puts money above all else, even you and this "spark", the more and longer you'll hurt, the more opportunities to find someone better you'll miss.

 

You should feel proud and honoured to have someone at your side - a clandestine relationship can never be that way. It'll always be half a relationship, something to be ashamed of. Treat yourself and the other man and this girl too with the dignity and respect that she doesn't seem capable of showing to either of you.