Sudden Notification of Divorce

[cyssan]

In any event, for the people still holding out hope, there's a good article in the WSJ today about how it is possible to for your partner to fall back in love with you and they control whether or not they will. It is an interesting read. I'm thinking about sending to my wife -- worth it? Or should I just leave her be?

 

Hi, Crimson. Glad to hear you're having lots of activities to keep you busy, that's the way to do it. It's just a month ago, so it's very natural that you will miss her terribly, and rightfully so. It's normal, and you'll have more of that. So just let it be.

 

As for the article....I vote for a no. It is interesting for us who have been left (Believe me, I have tons of bookmarked things that I wanted to send), but not the other way around. It's like psychoanalyzing her without being explicit about it, and telling her that this is how her mind could work. Yes, she can control whether or not she'll fall back in love with you---don't we all? Loving is a choice--most especially for married people. But the thing is, she's chosen not to at this point....especially by filing for divorce. I'm sorry.

 

Personally, I won't send it. No article will make her come back to you/ change her mind at this point.....she has to figure all that/ her feelings on her own. In the meantime, take care of yourself.

[lostandhurt]

Don't send it because it will only cause her to build the wall higher she is using to keep you out. It will be seen as an attack on her reasoning to leave.

 

Keep up what you are doing and live a happy fruitful life. That is the best revenge and reward you can have. And don't feel bad for missing the woman you once knew and loved with all your heart, that is perfectly normal. Just remember that she really isn't the woman she used to be, she is different now and may never be who you knew. Stay NC as much as possible. Don't drop hints about how happy you are or what great shape you are in, just live your life.

 

In these cases your only real hope for them coming back is to treat them like a deer you are trying to pet. The more you chase them the faster and farther away they will run but if you hold still long enough their curiosity gets the better of them and they may just walk right up to you slowly and nudge you.

 

Stay strong there is life after all this I promise

 

Lost

[Lester]

"I don't want the divorce and I feel helpless to do anything about it."

"I'm not sure I want to save the marriage."

"It stinks though because every once and a while, I miss her terribly. I'm not ashamed to admit it."

 

Before any marriage can be analyzed, no less saved, there has to be at least one spouse who unequivocally wants to.

While your waffling is common with most husbands during the shock phase, unless you overcome, there can never be any hope.

 

 

Ps, What date/section/page/title can I find the article you mentioned?

[Wiseman2]

Great article, but they only talk about stale relationships and rekindling while still together.

 

No do not send this to someone who just filed for divorce. Take a deep breath and talk to your attorney, a counselor, a friend, anyone instead.

In any event, for the people still holding out hope, there's a good article in the WSJ today about how it is possible to for your partner to fall back in love with you and they control whether or not they will. It is an interesting read. I'm thinking about sending to my wife -- worth it? Or should I just leave her be?

[AdviceNeeded1]

They call it the walking dead syndrome. The person is technically dead but still walking around. It's easier to mourn the dead because you accept they aren't coming back. When it's a divorce, you have more trouble accepting that they won't be back because they are still here so it could happen. The question is, Would you want it? I mean REALLY want someone whom didn't want you? If a beautiful woman walked in and showed you interest right this second would you be second guessing anything right now. Find yourself and you will find the answer!!

 

Personally I think she met someone else too...it stinks but sounds like that is probably the case. Don't wait until that relationship lapses then she comes back to you as second choice. At least she honored you by leaving and not doing it under your nose. I don't mean to sound harsh but it happened to me and it was the hardest acceptance I ever had to do.