Unblocked, but have not contacted.

[rtyu4567]

So I unblocked my ex, per a conversation I had with my sis. I was telling my sister how much I miss him and how things got so bad, I would need a miracle sort of speak for us to reconcile and told, I told her that one of the reason's I blocked was more for me than him, because I couldn't control myself and I kept dialing pain which was not helping the situation. She told me, that how would I know now if he is willing to change or reconcile if there is no way of him contacting me. I felt that is true. I guess I am still holding on to a bit of hope, but it would indeed take a miracle. I know for certain that I do not want to go back to the man I left. I guess a small part of me still hopes that some monumental change will or has occured in him that he would recognize his part and reach out to him, so I unblocked him. That was part of the whole break up and why I initiated the break up because he always failed to recognize his part in the issues we had and always blamed me, I couldn't take it anymore so I broke up with him in the hopes that a light would shine above his head but, 4 months or 5 and still nothing. Should I keep him blocked? Should I keep him unblocked and see while I continue to go on with my life, I have since reconnected with old friends and family working on myself etc, etc, but I miss him I do, and I love him so much, for a long while in the relationship he was my best friend, but then things went south and I suggested couples therapy etc, and he said no because he did not believe in couples therapy and thought that would be a waste of money. I have not contacted him going on 10 days, I feel pretty in control with that, I'm just wondering if keeping him blocked is a good idea.

[jmb]

I would say, you could unblock him but do not contact him. Just be warned it might set you back if you do this. If he wanted to get in touch with you he would...he knows how to find you. I suggest you disappear, be a mystery and learn to love yourself. Love him from a distance and let him go...do you really want someone who doesn't want you?

The only way in the world I would ever consider reconciliation with my ex (who I love very much) would be for him to show ME why I should want him, and he is the one who ended it with me. I deserve to be protected and loved...so do you.

[Wiseman2]

Wow sorry to hear this. Your sister gave you horrible advice and why would she give you false hope like this?

 

Do have other friends or family who could be more supportive and less undermining and dismissive of your real needs and feelings? Try not to confide in her if she just fobs you off like this with detrimental advice.

 

He's unblocked and now what? Stare at the phone checking it constantly rather than healing and moving on? How is that "getting on with your life"?

She told me, that how would I know now if he is willing to change or reconcile if there is no way of him contacting me. Should I keep him unblocked and see

[rtyu4567]

Thank you, jmb. you are right, that he would know how to find me. "I suggest you disappear, be a mystery and learn to love yourself. Love him from a distance and let him go...do you really want someone who doesn't want you?" This is something, I'd like to do for sure and practicing, slowly but am implementing, also I am afraid of a setback, I certainly do not want to be the one contacting him.

[rtyu4567]

Ha, thanks.......thinking same thing. But, the missing and loving him with a tad of hope blinds me.

[jmb]

Thank you, jmb. you are right, that he would know how to find me. "I suggest you disappear, be a mystery and learn to love yourself. Love him from a distance and let him go...do you really want someone who doesn't want you?" This is something, I'd like to do for sure and practicing, slowly but am implementing, also I am afraid of a setback, I certainly do not want to be the one contacting him.

 

I'm new to this site so I don't know how to use it well yet, but if you can read my thread I think maybe that will give you some prospective. I know how you are feeling and it is so stinking hard! But you need to change your mindset and this is when the progress will start for you

[SooSad33]

It is VERY hard to just let go.. and yes, these emotions & missing them will linger.

Keep going though... you may be having a rough day... but that will cease.

 

What would unblocking him do for you?

 

If you KNOW how toxic he is.. isn't it best to remain as is now? Keep moving.. ahead?

[rtyu4567]

Yes, today is a rough day. I miss the companion when it was good. I wish I could cry it out but the tears seem stuck and won't come out, when that happens I notice the pain is more intense.

[Roselynn1]

I have not contacted him going on 10 days, I feel pretty in control with that, I'm just wondering if keeping him blocked is a good idea.

 

Hey Rtyu4567. You need to do what works for you. I actually unblocked my ex. I think I initially blocked him for several reasons 1) mad and hurt and I didn't want to hear from him 2) I was also scared that maybe he was over me and wouldn't contact 3) non-verbal way of saying eff you 4) I needed time to "heal". I'm far from healed but I'm much stronger now. I'm not looking at my phone expecting to see that he called. It's been awhile now and you sort of get used to not hearing from him. And they get used to not calling you.

 

I feel I'm in a better place now and if he does reach out I'm ready to know about it and want to know what he'll say. But every situation is different and only you know if unblocking will help you or hurt you. Do what's best for you. But whatever you do, stay in control and don't reach out to him.

[rtyu4567]

Thank you Roselyn, I'm so glad you are in a better place and getting stronger. I feel confident that I too will be getting stronger in spite of the pain and hurt. For some reason keeping him blocked, I think causes me anxiousness. I do feel confident that I can stay in control, I believe I hit rock bottom with my emotions being all over the place a couple of weeks ago and actually, texting him and speaking with him two weeks ago confirmed he has not changed one bit, it was sort of disgusting to see the inability to change in him and not recognize his wrongs and still point finger at me. Which is why I think I freaked out and had a big anxiety attack, because after speaking with him then I knew it was over and there was no hope, because I know that I never want to go back to the man I left, I know that for certain. There would have to be a monumental miracle within him and us for reconcilliation.....and those kind of miracles do not happen often. So, that's when I broke down because I felt it in my gut, today has been 11 days. I won't lie, I have this bit of hope that lingers within me that maybe, just maybe he will text/call and show a sign of that monumental miracle, lol. But, I won't be reaching out to him, it's been 4-5 months now, and last I spoke with him, same exact guy and reasons why I left him were there. I originally left him with the hopes that a light would shine above his head, but Nada. But, yea I am going to unblock him, because truthfully, I keep looking at my phone anyway, kinda hoping he would use another number to contact me, ridiculous I know. In the meantime I will stay close to family, friends, work, activities, therapy, forum etc Oh, and another thing, when I have him unblocked and keep confident and in control, I feel good about myself. I appreciate you sharing that I need to do what works for me because as we know every situation although similar is indeed different and needs to be handled differently many times. I think you touched on Narcissism once on another forum, not sure. But, I did want to mention that he seems to exhibit a couple of the traits, not all, but some of the traits. And well, that does not sit well with me from the research I have done. If more get's revealed through contact in the future from him and those traits still glare, that makes me not want to be with him. I know it all sounds, all over the place. And maybe it doesn't make sense, but, towards the end nothing made sense anyway. As mush as I'm hurting, pain etc. I'm not blind, to what he was and is. Thanks

[Roselynn1]

You definitely will get stronger with time. As scary as it was, maybe you needed to hit rock bottom in order to rise up and grow. You were at your lowest so now there’s no where to go but up! I’ve had some really bad days so I know how it is. It’s a real effort to get motivated to do stuff. I’ve lost interest in so many things and really need to push myself to stay busy. I still carry a lot of hurt and disappointment with me but I’m better at controlling it and now the OK days outnumber the bad ones. So, if you’re not there yet, you will be in time.

 

Unfortunately, sometimes it takes some people longer to come around – if they ever will. But when they do come back, it’s because they’ve grown and have come to some sort of realization. And that’s why I love NC. It gives folks the time apart to think about everything, to realize what you want, to bring your emotions back down, to think about what you did wrong and to see if you really do love this person and want them in your life.

 

If unblocking him worked for you then I’m glad you did it. Only you know what you can handle and can’t. I had my ex blocked for almost 2 months. And I needed that at that time. I was too emotional to deal with him if he’d have reached out. But now I’m better and a lot more level headed. Plus, I know crumb type texts when I see them so I’m good with unblocking and knowing what to respond to and what to ignore.

 

I’m a hopeless romantic so I’m always rooting for love. If you’re meant to be together you will be. I don’t see anything wrong with hoping for a reconciliation as long as you’re real with yourself and real about the situation. Sometimes, we look at things how we want to see them vs how they really are. I know I tend to do that and I’m trying my best to stop it. And don’t feel bad about wanting him back. I want my ex back, however, I don’t want him back enough to put up with BS. I refuse to compromise on how I deserve to be treated. When it comes down to it, we know when someone isn’t all in and giving 100%. And those situations almost never work. So right now just do you, try and stay strong and do not contact under any circumstances.

 

We’re all going thru the same thing. Keep your head up and I’ll try to do the same!