How to move on quickly

[Wolfshook]

In this post I'm going to write some things I learned through my journey. 11 months later I learned quite a few things and almost moved on. Hopefully somebody will find this post helpfull.

 

The most important thing is to go complete NC as soon as possible. NC is state where the other person doesnt exist any more for you,period.

 

But, I'd suggest that before going complete nc,you try and have nice and honest talk with your ex about what went sour in your relationship. This talk should be your last and things you learn here will help you in your future relationships.

 

After this, complete NC if it's possible (special cases are if you have a child or house to sell,etc. and I cannot help you here because I have no experience with this). If you have pet together,forget about it. Burn the bridges and don't look back. No matter what you hear from stories,they rarely come back. And that's actually good. Over the time you will realize that your ex wasnt as good ad you think of them and that there are most probably other people in your life that'd suit you better.

 

Whenever you think of something that wasnt good about your ex or your relationship, write it down , it will help you in moments where you glorify them.

 

Burning all the bridges is the most important thing. Block them on social media, delete and block their number from your phone. Force yourself to not think about getting back together. It will only impair your healing. It takes from 2 to 8 months to get used to something,and that's most likely how long it will take you to get used to life without them. You will just have to force it the best you can.

 

Good thing to do is to take some activity that you will do whenever you start thinking about your ex. This will take your mind off of your ex,and will also help to condition yourself to automatically do something instead of missing your ex.

 

Another way of getting power back in your hands (alongside with blocking them) is to have sex with somebody else. It will most probably be awfull ,but it will help you take back controll over your ego.

 

Honestly,most of the time it's your ego that's hurt more than your actual feelings. A lot of relationships nearing end have similair pattern where you'd most probably break them if your partner didnt. But,since your partner did it before you,your ego gets hurt and that's one of the reasons why you're trying to get back together.

 

Most common question you might ask yourself is "do they miss me?". My experience says they do,but this is not necessarily good. The truth is we miss something because we got used to it. This means that even though they do miss you,they still dont want to be back together.

 

 

BREADCRUMBS

 

Breadcrumbs are every contact made by your ex to you which doesnt clearly state "I want you back'. And even this can be considered as breadcrumbs in some cases (ieg in mine).

 

How to prevent them? By blocking all means of communication with your ex and burning all the bridges.

 

"BUT I WANT TO BE IN GOOD TERMS/FRIENDS WITH MY EX"

 

This is just you trying to explain to yourself why you sould (in reality) be waiting on them.

 

Sure,you can be on good terms with your ex, 10 years from now where you run into each other and you ask "do I know you from somewhere?". Othervise keeping your exes as friends is useless. Seeing them happy and with new partner will just break your heart further.

 

Keep your ex where they belong,and they belong in your past.

 

 

And just to say for the end, the sooner you smash your fist on the table and decide to block your ex everywhere, the sooner you will start to feel good. Everything else is just prolonging your suffering.

[rich46]

Another way of getting power back in your hands (alongside with blocking them) is to have sex with somebody else. It will most probably be awfull ,but it will help you take back controll over your ego.

Absolute nonsense.

[kbbcoop77]

Absolute nonsense.

 

Lol i think this depends on your age...this did help me when my first serious girlfriend crushed me when I was 21...but that relationship was only a year...my latest split was a 24 year marriage with kids pets etc..still heartbreak but on a much larger scale and took much longer to heal. Took over 2 years to even consider sleeping with someone again

 

The rest of the OP post is pretty much spot on

[boltnrun]

I have to disagree, no way am I going to let some random dude in me. Anyone can find someone to have sex with if you have zero standards. Would not build my ego at all.

 

But I do agree with the no contact.

[Wolfshook]

I have to disagree, no way am I going to let some random dude in me. Anyone can find someone to have sex with if you have zero standards. Would not build my ego at all.

 

But I do agree with the no contact.

 

Well,that's nice way of thinking. Maybe I should have put it as "responsible sex with somebody you are comfortable with".

[AvaD21]

I agree with all you've said about no contact. I don't think you can generalise all break ups in terms of 'they rarely come back' etc because every situation is different and sometimes a bit of time and perspective can bring people back together. I think Nc is vital for healing and bettering yourself and for nothing else. Yes your ex may come back but they may not. Sex with someone else will not necessarily help. Focus on you and the rest falls into place

[ShatteredMan]

I agree with all you've said about no contact. I don't think you can generalise all break ups in terms of 'they rarely come back' etc because every situation is different and sometimes a bit of time and perspective can bring people back together. I think Nc is vital for healing and bettering yourself and for nothing else. Yes your ex may come back but they may not. Sex with someone else will not necessarily help. Focus on you and the rest falls into place

Agree. Also, I thought sex with someone else would help and it actually has made things harder (for me).

 

The only thing that sleeping with someone else might help with (in the process of considering reconciliation) is that if your ex has been with someone else, you have to give/receive mutual forgiveness or not hold a grudge against them for sleeping with their rebound person because you chose to do the same.

 

For me, it hasn't done anything to ease the pain of the woman (that I once loved, has now moved on) choosing to be with someone else about a month after we broke up.

 

While, I have dimming hopes of reconciliation after 4 months of us breaking up and her being with someone else for 3 months, I started dating several women. I slept with one of them and it was the worst sex ever, I felt no emotional attachment and it didn't help me one bit terms of dealing with my pain and anguish over losing the woman I once hoped to marry.

 

Don't do it until you think you have someone that's worth the investment....

[Wolfshook]

While, I have dimming hopes of reconciliation after 4 months of us breaking up and her being with someone else for 3 months, I started dating several women. I slept with one of them and it was the worst sex ever, I felt no emotional attachment and it didn't help me one bit terms of dealing with my pain and anguish over losing the woman I once hoped to marry.

 

Don't do it until you think you have someone that's worth the investment....

 

I completely understand you. My first sex after breakup was awfull too,even though it was with long term friend wh I know very well. And also I'm not type of person that likes one night stands. Anyway,though this encounter left bad taste in my mouth for long time after, now I realise that it actually helped me a lot. It kind of gave the power in my hands, because sex was something that was held exclusively for my ex (she was also my first),it gave me confidence too.

 

I'm about 11 months out and honestly things are going good. Just yesterday I found myself daydreaming about my crush and realized that my ex doesnt take as much space in my heart and head as she used to .

[ShatteredMan]

I completely understand you. My first sex after breakup was awfull too,even though it was with long term friend wh I know very well. And also I'm not type of person that likes one night stands. Anyway,though this encounter left bad taste in my mouth for long time after, now I realise that it actually helped me a lot. It kind of gave the power in my hands, because sex was something that was held exclusively for my ex (she was also my first),it gave me confidence too.

 

I'm about 11 months out and honestly things are going good. Just yesterday I found myself daydreaming about my crush and realized that my ex doesnt take as much space in my heart and head as she used to .

Good for you.

 

I'm also finding things to take up the "space" in my heart and mind where she used to "live".

 

Actually, I've started going back to church and reading Scripture. It funny when you realize that people had some pretty similar observations, thoughts about situations that we freely discuss here over 1000 years ago.

[jah123]

It's funny but for me it was always another girl who made me forget about my ex. Obviously, I would always get back on my feet 1,2 or more months after the break-up, but always just in like 90% because after a break up I would usually experience this "void" inside me.

 

But obviously it's a stupid to go into another relationship right after the break-up. It's just better to give yourself a couple of months to get your head clear so you don't get into a rebound relationship.

 

I don't think just having sex with other people makes it better. Maybe for a few weeks or so, but it's also a form of a rebound rel, and these usually fail and make you feel even worse afterwards.

 

Well, your post is interesting, I must say.