She is too good for me

[cyankino]

I am dating someone, finally after about a year since my meth addicted GF. And i truly feel inferior to this new person. not only does she have a good job, is continuing her education and has a lot of hobbies, she is freaking HOT.

 

me? Wll i am still finding the job that is right for me. I am trying to get my aa then transfer UCR. i dont have nearly as many hobbbies as she does, especially outdoor hobbies. and i am not hot. /blush.

 

oh wells, perhaps im putting too much into it. But at least im attempting to move on.

 

any advice?

[Iceman26]

Well maybe she likes you for you, and not for what you have accomplished........ever think of it that way?

 

Don't feel bad that you aren't at the level she is, you are still young and have time to establish yourself college wise and career wise. As far as hobbies go, why not ask her to include you in her hobbies and see if what she does in her spare time suits you as well? She will also be pleased that you are taking in interest in her interests.

[Ddog187]

I know what you mean. I met this girl that I like and I believe she likes me and she's just so awsome and is really hot and we get along great. I am still rubbing my eyes likes its a dream. She's just everything I ever wanted.

[Mun]

Hey there,

I hope you don't make the mistake and leave her because of this. Remember she likes you for a reason... maybe she likes your laid back style ( if that's what it is) because she has alot going on. There must be something about you that attracts her to you.

 

I have a friend who is very together, highly intelligent and is continuing her education and she is head over heels for a man who is a blue collar guy.

 

Just enjoy it and don't question it too much. You don't want to push her away.

[annie24]

I agree with Muneca - I bet that she sees something special within you - could be your sense of humor, laid-back style, dedication, tenacity... really anything. Don't feel like you are "less" - think of things more like you have different things to bring to the relationship - you are enriching each other's lives.

 

Good luck!

[yeayeayea]

university of california riverside.

 

funny i used to live there.

[San123]

If you don't think you're good enough, she may start to believe that as well. Apparently there is something about you she really likes, or else why would she be? Don't be so hard on yourself!

[Kitz]

Having a good job, an education, alot of hobbies and looks. Is that all that she offers for you? If she didnt have those, would you still stay with her?

You have alot of things to offer her, despite not having a job or hobbies or whatever. (And very few people think they look hot without being conceited And you can't be bad if you got her, right?) Anyway, back to what I was saying. You have alot to offer her -- you've got yourself, and all your charm, funny jokes, laid back attitude -- whatever it was about you that made her say yes in the first place. Seriously, dont worry. If you believe that you arent good enough, you're not going to act good enough and she'll start thinking that you're not good enough.

[cyankino]

Thank you very much for all of your replies. we have only gone out twice and the first time i got so nervous, the second time we met for breakfast and had a nice 2 hour breakfast. =) But you all have very good points. And there is no one else i can be but myself, and if she accepts that then ... well that is good. =) and... If worse comes to worse, im sure me and this new girl, will be good friends.

[spatzcolumbo]

You need to do what i tell a lot of my friends in these situations - GIVE YOURSELF MORE CREDIT, and stop putting yourself down. You probably have a lot of qualities that would make a lot of other people envious - most people do, but they just don't realise it!!

 

Stop concentrating on the things that you see as negative, and start to concentrate on the positive things in your life. The moment you put yourself down is the same time that other people start to see it as well, because you unconsciously incorporate this negativity into your body language.

 

Everyone has their positive points, and everyone has their negative points - its just that some people choose to accept the negative things, and realise and acknowledge the positive things. In doing this, self esteem and self confidence will slowly increase. Confidence breeds confidence.

 

Get yourself a positive self image - learn to remember the times you have felt good about yourself, and WHY you felt good about yourself. Associate this with something that you can draw from memory, and then try to recreate that feeling until it becomes a natural response when you wake up in the morning.

[rnorth]

Yeah, just try and be yourself. Don't fret things, don't try to hard, use this as another incentive to improve yourself but make sure you are doing it for you.

 

Especially, don't try too hard!

[Ydas]

we need naked pictures of her to decide if she's too good for you!

[lady00]

Maybe you feel uncomfortable because she is more together and seems to have a brighter future than your ex? Maybe you're comparing her level of achievement to your ex more than to yourself and wondering if you somehow are not meant to be w/someone who seems so great? Sometimes we have thoughts like this after coming out of an unhealthy relationship w/someone but I think you just need time to adjust to the new person in your life and just enjoy it. Unless she is arrogant or puts you down, then your feelings of inferiority are probably just coming from within you and only you can fix that. Just think about it this way: she's dating you so she must think highly of you...you should too.

[cyankino]

You all have helped me feel better about this new person in my life. For this i thank you very much. I knew that these forums were the best place to ask such advice.

 

now you guys and gals, tell me what you think? I wish i had a more recent picture of her but still let me know.

 

oh yes that is my sisters ipod shuffle, she loves it. I was just sporting it for a while. But ill stick to my 20 gig ipod. =)

 

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[annie24]

Yes - she is very attractive. And I'm sure that she's all of these other wonderful things that you've described. But remember - she's going out with you for a reason! Most women, myself included, would rather be with a wonderful, sweet, genuine guy rather than a hot jerk. Maybe you don't believe me, but I think as we get older, we get sick of the bad boys, and now we're ready for the nice guys. She's attractive - she must get hit on all the time by skeezy jerks. I think that she just wants to be with a man who admires her for not only what she is on the outside, but on the inside too.

[Mun]

Hey nice pictures. I think you should have confidence in yourself. Remember that confidence is very attractive to women

 

She looks really nice and I agree with Annie, she probably gets hit on enough that those guys seem superficial.

 

Good luck to you guys.. Have fun!

[al7]

cyankino,

 

You gotta adject your judgements:

1. It doesnt matter how many hobbies she have. How can it matter???

The more hobby she has the more busy person she is...it is not fun to date busy people. I see as not super positive thing.

 

2. She's good a job. If it is just an average job - do not worry.

If it is way above average: you are right, you better think twice about dating this girl. She prefer somebody at least at her level of income\prestige.

[al7]

I bet that she sees something special within you - could be your sense of humor, laid-back style, dedication, tenacity... really anything.

 

She might. But as time passes, she will prefer more and more stability, income, job over humor and laid-back style.

So teh advice - sure date her. Enjoy.

But keep in mind she is not going to fall for you much later if she's good a really good job and really pretty face.

Buy "broken heart insurance".

[al7]

now you guys and gals, tell me what you think? I wish i had a more recent picture of her but still let me know.

 

You are ok, she is ok. Neither of you are hot or ugly.

Just my opinion.

And most important is the conclusion: she is not hot in my opinion, you have nothing to worry about. But it is just my biased opinion.

[al7]

Yes - she is very attractive.

 

I think she has a decent pic that shows her good body.

But her face is ok, I would not say "very attractive".

[annie24]

Kino - As you can see, Al is the voice of optimism around here

 

Just go with it - see what happens. My mom married my dad, even though she was a lawyer and made 3x more money than he did. Everyone is looking for something different - she just may be looking for you. Don't get down on yourself! good luck!

[al7]

Kino - As you can see, Al is the voice of optimism around here

 

Just go with it - see what happens. My mom married my dad, even though she was a lawyer and made 3x more money than he did.

 

Oh... statistically it could be. But in general it is not the mainstream.

Anyway, no I know why you think money doesn't matter!

 

I am not trying to disocourage Kino, I am trying to warn him of most likely outcome of the relationship from a statistical point of view.

Annie, you took statistics, right? So I hope you know what is it and how powerful it is.

[annie24]

Yes, I took statistics, and I hated every minute of it!

 

Yeah... it's true, statistically, most relationships fail. I've been in tons of relationships, and EVERY SINGLE ONE has failed! I don't see no ring on my finger! However, people get married everyday! In fact, most people get married, true, 50% divorce rate, but that means that 50% of the married people out there DO stay together and DO make it! So, chin up! Be optimistic. Dates aren't about statistics anyways...

[al7]

1. Yes, I took statistics, and I hated every minute of it!

 

2. Yeah... it's true, statistically, most relationships fail.

 

3. I've been in tons of relationships, and EVERY SINGLE ONE has failed!

I don't see no ring on my finger!

However, people get married everyday! In fact, most people get married, true, 50% divorce rate, but that means that 50% of the married people out there DO stay together and DO make it! So, chin up! Be optimistic. Dates aren't about statistics anyways...

 

1. I got you. thats why I am having hard time explaining how it works.

 

2. As well as most cars break down, most people die.. it is not about that kind of statistics.

 

3. Well, what you just said has some information to think about:

when you form a relationship or moreover think about marriage immediately think about prenuptual agreement since the divorce rate is so high it is better to be ready than just to be optimistic.

[Mun]

Al7, have you no faith in women at all? I hope you don't come accross with that attitude to potential dates because that would send them running. If we are so bad ( selfish, materialistic, elitist, rude) then what do you want a woman for?

 

You cannot know the outcome of Kino's relationship. The fact his girl is with him speaks for itself--she likes being with him. She must like him for him, what is wrong with that? You have to look at the facts here. SHE IS WITH HIM> to me that says it all.

 

Try being more positive it could do wonders for you Al7. At least you would approach this (dating) with a positive outlook for when we perceive that we will fail--we do ( I wonder if statistically you can show this likely outcome).

 

This is an advice forum and we are here for support and encouragement. Sometimes we read things we don't like or don't want to accept, but it's like my momma says, if you have nothing nice to say better to say nothing at all.