Am I being strung along till she's ready to move on?

[Samuel824]

Im a 31 year old male currently engaged to my 26 year old partner. We have been together for 5 years, with 3 children.

 

The first part of our relationship started off with me meeting her through a guy I knew from work, it was his sister. I lived with a roomate, she lived with her mother. The relationship started out as a hot fling to party with and have seen at the end of the night, she seemed genuine, but still on the crazy side. I enjoyed partying with her because I liked her, not because I liked to party.

 

This part of the relationship went on for months, we used to say "love you friend" as a off way to say we loved eachother, without having to make it official. I was always leary about her "crazy" ways, and that very sexy look in her eyes, as if she was searching for passion, at all times.

 

One day in her mother's garage I said I love you and left out the friend. She responded with I love you too. I was the happiest I had ever been in my life, she loved me, I loved her, it was beautiful.

 

The following months after that were, great. I moved out of my roommates house and into her mother's with her. She had a job as a waitress, and I had lost my job, but was getting financial support from my parents.

 

Her step dad wasn't so keen on me living there, he didn't want it to be for an extended period of time. So instead of hassling her family, I asked my parents if we could move into the apartment upstairs, as they owned a two family home.

 

We moved into my parents together. I got a job at a local factory, she worked as a waitress and in 3 months we moved into our first place together, found out we were pregnant, and had our first child.

 

She decided to stay home with the baby. My full time job was enough to cover anything we needed, so she became a stay at home mom, while I worked. The next few years went great, we decided to have another child, and we had our second daughter. Life was great.

 

My father became I'll with stage 4 live cancer, and died 8 days after finding out he had it. It was a complete blow to my life, and my emotional level. I fell into a deep depression ( I loved my father very much. We were close ). I lost my job, due to emotional stress. She picked up a job baby sitting for a busy couple, at their house.

 

She began to be very distant 2-3 weeks after getting this job, not wanting to cuddle, hold hands, or really even have a good conversarion. She seemed cold. I asked her if everything was OK with us. She said of course, I love you.

 

Then 2 weeks later, she told me that she has been talking to an old guy friend from highschool, and that he stopped by her to say hi when she was baby sitting. I didn't think much of it, we had 2 kids together, and had talked about getting engaged. It was a guy from 10 years old, big deal.

 

Fast forward 3 months later, I find messages on her phone (I know this is wrong to snoop, but I was really confused at this point). There we over hundreds of messages, they had seen eachother almost 4 times a week. She told him she loved him, missed him, sent pictures of each other etc.

 

When I finally brought it up to her, she didn't seem to really have much regret or sympathy for my feelings. I figured this was a phase and it would pass. We fought and cried for 2 weeks. She ceased contact with him, told me she loved me and made a mistake. We got pregnant once again, having our first son.

 

She decided to end her baby sitting job, because she missed the kids to much. She ended up picking up a 2nd shift job at a candy factory. Two weeks into her working there, she began to be distant once again. I didn't question her this time, I just went with it.

 

She started saying she loves me, but thinks she isn't in love with me anymore. Once again I find text messages on her phone. She admitted to having sex with another man twice, and orally pleasing another man in his car. Once again she has seemed to show no remorse for her actions.

 

I told her I have had enough, and I was going to leave. She asked me not to leave, and promised to marry me, she was done making mistakes and she knows this is what she wants. We're engaged now, she still just as distant. She doesn't touch me, talk to me, or seem to have any interest in me.

 

She tells me this is a part in our life we will get through, and we will love eachother again. I never stopped loving her, so this makes no sense to me. She still talks to me about future plans, getting stuff for the house, hollidays, etc..

 

Am I being strung along in a fake engagement till she finds mr. Right? Or am I a paranoid emotional mess for no reason?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately for this to be salvaged you need to work on the depression/ job and she needs to quit cheating.

I fell into a deep depression.I lost my job, due to emotional stress. She admitted to having sex with another man twice, and orally pleasing another man in his car. Once again she has seemed to show no remorse for her actions

[bunzana]

I think the real question here should be: why do you want to marry a woman who says she isn't in love with you? If this is how things are in your relationship prior to marriage, how do you think they will be once you are married? Do you think that marriage will solve all your issues? I understand there are 3 children involved, but this relationship does not seem salvageable. She has already cheated on you several times, and what's more worrisome is that you stated several times that she shows no remorse for these actions. If she does not feel guilty, do you think she will really change? Forget about whether this is a fake engagement. Think about whether you really want to spend the rest of your life with a woman who really doesn't seem to care about your feelings at all.

[Tinydance]

Im a 31 year old male currently engaged to my 26 year old partner. We have been together for 5 years, with 3 children.

 

The first part of our relationship started off with me meeting her through a guy I knew from work, it was his sister. I lived with a roomate, she lived with her mother. The relationship started out as a hot fling to party with and have seen at the end of the night, she seemed genuine, but still on the crazy side. I enjoyed partying with her because I liked her, not because I liked to party.

 

This part of the relationship went on for months, we used to say "love you friend" as a off way to say we loved eachother, without having to make it official. I was always leary about her "crazy" ways, and that very sexy look in her eyes, as if she was searching for passion, at all times.

 

One day in her mother's garage I said I love you and left out the friend. She responded with I love you too. I was the happiest I had ever been in my life, she loved me, I loved her, it was beautiful.

 

The following months after that were, great. I moved out of my roommates house and into her mother's with her. She had a job as a waitress, and I had lost my job, but was getting financial support from my parents.

 

Her step dad wasn't so keen on me living there, he didn't want it to be for an extended period of time. So instead of hassling her family, I asked my parents if we could move into the apartment upstairs, as they owned a two family home.

 

We moved into my parents together. I got a job at a local factory, she worked as a waitress and in 3 months we moved into our first place together, found out we were pregnant, and had our first child.

 

She decided to stay home with the baby. My full time job was enough to cover anything we needed, so she became a stay at home mom, while I worked. The next few years went great, we decided to have another child, and we had our second daughter. Life was great.

 

My father became I'll with stage 4 live cancer, and died 8 days after finding out he had it. It was a complete blow to my life, and my emotional level. I fell into a deep depression ( I loved my father very much. We were close ). I lost my job, due to emotional stress. She picked up a job baby sitting for a busy couple, at their house.

 

She began to be very distant 2-3 weeks after getting this job, not wanting to cuddle, hold hands, or really even have a good conversarion. She seemed cold. I asked her if everything was OK with us. She said of course, I love you.

 

Then 2 weeks later, she told me that she has been talking to an old guy friend from highschool, and that he stopped by her to say hi when she was baby sitting. I didn't think much of it, we had 2 kids together, and had talked about getting engaged. It was a guy from 10 years old, big deal.

 

Fast forward 3 months later, I find messages on her phone (I know this is wrong to snoop, but I was really confused at this point). There we over hundreds of messages, they had seen eachother almost 4 times a week. She told him she loved him, missed him, sent pictures of each other etc.

 

When I finally brought it up to her, she didn't seem to really have much regret or sympathy for my feelings. I figured this was a phase and it would pass. We fought and cried for 2 weeks. She ceased contact with him, told me she loved me and made a mistake. We got pregnant once again, having our first son.

 

She decided to end her baby sitting job, because she missed the kids to much. She ended up picking up a 2nd shift job at a candy factory. Two weeks into her working there, she began to be distant once again. I didn't question her this time, I just went with it.

 

She started saying she loves me, but thinks she isn't in love with me anymore. Once again I find text messages on her phone. She admitted to having sex with another man twice, and orally pleasing another man in his car. Once again she has seemed to show no remorse for her actions.

 

I told her I have had enough, and I was going to leave. She asked me not to leave, and promised to marry me, she was done making mistakes and she knows this is what she wants. We're engaged now, she still just as distant. She doesn't touch me, talk to me, or seem to have any interest in me.

 

She tells me this is a part in our life we will get through, and we will love eachother again. I never stopped loving her, so this makes no sense to me. She still talks to me about future plans, getting stuff for the house, hollidays, etc..

 

Am I being strung along in a fake engagement till she finds mr. Right? Or am I a paranoid emotional mess for no reason?

 

What do you mean no reason? She cheated on you a few times, you have more than good reason to be very upset and hurt! I'm so sorry you're going through this but to me it does sound like she actually isn't in love with you romantically. She may love you as a person, her friend and her children's father but if she's being really distant and not affectionate then I would say her physical attraction to you is drifting off and that may be why she slept with other guys. I know it'a so hard with the kids but she has really disrespected you many times. If you stay together she may keep doing this to you and you don't deserve this. You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them and respects you.

[melancholy123]

Please dont marry her until you both resolve your problems, especially her. Go to couples counselling and get some needed help. If she won't go, go without her and gain some direction. You are in a lousy spot right now and marrying her is not going to make anything better.

[SkellyWoozle]

You owe this woman nothing. She is a serial cheat with seemingly no regrets. Why would you want to marry her? Because you love her? Does she think she's doing the right thing by getting married and thinks it will make you happier? And if you're staying together because of the children... don't do it. They won't thank you in the future... Go to counselling together and if she doesn't go, then go for yourself. You're not in a great place right now and I think you need someone to guide you towards a happier resolve X

[willdation]

Sorry to hear about that...I have been in similar situation before..and trust me...these types of people will NEVER change. If a woman has no integrity, it doesn't matter how great of a bf you are, she will cheat when wants....life is too short..go out and find a real woman that treats you right...

 

This type of woman is only good for open relationships. period.

 

When I caught my ex writing to another guy, it was the same deal, she was crying, saying she loved me soooo much....but it is all BS....few months later she was doing the same....so just get out as soon as you can....now keep your options open for someone better...