Ex acted emotionally abusive towards me

[SamthewoMAN]

Hey guys! I'm just needing a little pick me up. My ex's recent behavior has left me confused and emotionally wounded. It just confuses me because during the relationship he was so kind and loving towards me. Not once in the little bit of time I did spend with him did he ever make me feel threatened or ugly. Now during the break up he is putting me down, calling me names like , pos, he says I'm ugly and smelly and no other guy will ever want me. I'm feeling guilty over all this too because I know I haven't been the kindest to him during our relationship either. As kind as he was and as much as I felt that I would have taken a bullet for him at one point before this ugly mess happened our relationship was not without its faults. One thing that always made me feel very frustrated with him was that there seemed to be a severe lack of communication in the relationship. I resented how he complained once that I didn't text him enough and yet it would be days or sometimes a whole week or almost two weeks before I would hear from him again. One fateful Sunday that frustration had just built up towards him and I let it out and now my ex wants to act like he never had any feelings for me at all. I can't even get so much as friendship with him. I tried asking for that once and I tried apologizing for my own mistreatment of him during the relationship, but all I got back from him was a "I wish I never met you!" So I'm just left hurt and confused. Does anybody have their own experience or perspective to offer?

[carmen1131]

he's using reverse psychology honey block him on everything and get him out of your life. he is trying to lure you back

[Hollyj]

Don't understand why you have remained in contact??

 

Why don't you move on with your life, and block him.

[HeartGoesOn]

You have a choice of walking away and respecting yourself, or you can continue to stand directly in the line of fire, and be an easy target. It seems like the relationship is simply not working, therefore it's time to pick up the pieces and move forward.

 

Now during the break up he is putting me down, calling me names like , pos, he says I'm ugly and smelly and no other guy will ever want me.

 

Why would you want to have a friendship with this guy?

[Capricorn3]

Like the posters above, I too don't understand why you still bother with him in the first place?? Block him. It's as simple as that.

[SamthewoMAN]

Thanks guys! The answers are blunt, but I find them comforting and reassuring. It's hard not to feel crazy and like I brought this upon myself somehow. I'm going to do my best to move on though. Thank you very much.

[Andrina]

If he was supposed to be your bf and went a week or two without texting you, you should've told him at the time that you expected more from a bf, and since he didn't have the same relationship goals, then it was time to go your separate ways. If you look at it from a different perspective, you lashed out because you were neglected and ignored. In the future, when you are feeling like this, you should realize it's for a good reason. When a person regularly upsets you, and a relationship seems more frustrating than it is satisfying, you need to be smart enough and have enough self love to cut that person loose and move on.

 

I'm assuming you're young. Take this as a learning experience, and vow to avoid guys like this in the future. Don't guilt yourself into thinking you deserve this treatment. When a person calls you names, they are toxic and don't belong in your life. And make sure you go over that rule with your next partner. You can argue constructively without calling names. It causes a bitterness to build up that's hard to overcome. He's garbage. Time to take him to the curb. Friends? Really? I can't even fathom why you'd consider this. You only have one life on this planet. Surround yourself with loving people, not emotionally abusive losers.

[LightWave93]

Sounds like a muppet. No contact, block him, grieve and move on.

[TheRawTruth]

First off, his comments about you being ugly and "nobody wanting you" are BS. If that's the case, why did HE want you? Does he like "ugly and smelly" girls? He just showed his stupidity (and actually insulted himself) by making those comments. So don't listen to him. A LOT of guys use that tactic. And sadly, many girls fall for it. Don't be one of them.

 

Now, with that said, I do feel like there are some missing pieces here. You glossed over some things but didn't provide any detail.

 

Example 1 "I'm feeling guilty over all this too because I know I haven't been the kindest to him during our relationship either." (How so? What do you mean by that? Explain it to us.)

 

Example 2 "I resented how he complained once that I didn't text him enough and yet it would be days or sometimes a whole week or almost two weeks before I would hear from him again." (Was this in RETALIATION to you not texting enough, or did he ALWAYS do stuff like this?)

 

Example 3 "One fateful Sunday that frustration had just built up towards him and I let it out." (In what way? What did you say? Did you call him names, yell, scream, insult him, what?)

 

See, I like to help people. And while your ex certainly won't win "Boyfriend of the Year" anytime soon, I have to be fair when giving advice. Right now, I can only go by what you told me. But if I'm smart, I have to ALSO look at what you DIDN'T tell me. Otherwise, my advice won't be fair or accurate. I could easily tell you he's a dirtbag (and he does sound like one) but if I don't know YOUR negatives, I can't speak on his behavior accurately. Get what I'm saying?

 

So, try & answer my questions, so I can respond.

[SamthewoMAN]

Thanks again everyone! I'm just posting again to let the last two people I have read the last two words. Adrina's words are wise and comforting and she is right in the fact that I am still fairly young. Just turned 21 in June TheRawTruth however has managed to pinpoint exactly why I'm feeling insecure. There have been some things I have held back on admitting and that's kind of because I am ashamed to admit them. Another piece of good dating advice I have heard when considering staying with somebody is "do you like the person you are when you are around a certain someone?" and the answer to that question is I wasn't entirely fond of the person I was becoming when I was in a relationship with my now ex. It's one thing to be bullied and you know you don't deserve a lick of it, but it's another thing when you are being bullied and you know that deep down you weren't entirely too innocent yourself. If you want I will post later and get the full story out so everybody has a better understanding of where I'm coming from. Right now I'm just posting to thank the last two people who posted. Thanks again!

[SamthewoMAN]

And about the texting though. In the beginning when I had just met him before he complained that I didn't text him enough I noticed he had a habit of waiting two days before texting me. I didn't mind at the time because I had my college classes to focus on when I first met him and so I wasn't always in the mood to chat every day either. Plus it even said on his dating profile that texting every day wasn't really necessary so I had no clue that my texting habits were bugging him. When he did complain I tried to make it up to him by texting more often and sending cute messages like "Hey! I love you like I love cats!" He was always good about replying when I did send him those messages. I got curious though one day since he had complained and deliberately stopped texting him as much and then I started noticing that it now started taking longer than two days to hear back from him. I started to get a little annoyed then because I know personally that if I care enough to hear from someone I won't complain about how much they contact me instead I would be the one to reach out to them. So was Alie being passive aggressive towards me? I can't say for sure. All I know is that I don't like it when I feel that a relationship is one sided and that the responsibility of staying in touch seems to fall on one person. Truthfully I was kind of touched when Alie complained about my texting habits, but I just want to say to him "You should know that I love hearing from you too! If you care about hearing from me so much then why don't you be the one to text me first sometimes instead of apparently relying on me to text you first all the time?!"

[moodindigo91]

He is trying to make you feel as low as possible because you broke up with him, it's a childish way to deal with what happened, you shouldn't be in contact with him at all. You broke up with him for a reason, and this shows exactly why.

[Wiseman2]

Breakups can get ugly, that's why no contact and block are healing because they interrupt this ugliness.

 

Hell no...you do Not want to be friends, that is being a glutton for punishment as you unfortunately found out from his hostile response..

 

Just move on and forget the retarded things he said.

Now during the break up he is putting me down, calling me names like , pos, he says I'm ugly and smelly and no other guy will ever want me. I can't even get so much as friendship with him. I tried asking for that once all I got back from him was a "I wish I never met you!"

[SamthewoMAN]

Breakups can get ugly, that's why no contact and block are healing because they interrupt this ugliness.

 

Hell no...you do Not want to be friends, that is being a glutton for punishment as you unfortunately found out from his hostile response..

 

Just move on and forget the retarded things he said.

 

Thanks that cheered me up also I forgot to mention that TheRawTruth got a good laugh out of me when they said my ex just insulted himself when he insulted me. 😂 Thanks everyone for the much needed advice.

[carmen1131]

i get it being in an abusive toxic relationship. you feel like it is all your fault, and they make you feel that way. we are here to tell you no it's not, block him, move on. life's too short and you can die any day