Am I shallow?

[rmo22]

Hopefully, you haven't even met this guy and there are red flags so why not move on?

 

Well, I'm not a bad looking girl or anything. I take care of my body, hair, nails and I dress nicely. I'm smart and open minded. However, I definitely do not go out and look for a bunch of dating prospects, nor do I ever have several dudes on my radar. So...no. I don't have any other dates on my horizon. Also, who says I'm not going to move on? I was only asking if my thoughts made me shallow. Not if I should marry this guy. It's not easy to find a decent guy nowadays. I'm tired of being treated like garbage, but I also don't want to settle and end up hurting someone else in the long run. That is my problem. There is no in between. If there was I would have been married 5 years ago, as that was my original goal. Sue me for wanting a respectful, ambitious guy to put a ring on my finger.

[tattoobunnie]

Sue me for wanting a respectful, ambitious guy to put a ring on my finger.

 

Not sure how it turned into you getting defensive about it - although that could be something for you to explore.

 

Decent guys are everywhere - it's about finding the right guy that fits with you. Stick to your guns on the fundamentals - long term goals, leisure, money, family, beliefs. The only reason why we keep reiterating the red flags things is, if you were feeling good about "you", you wouldn't of had to ask if you should entertain this guy or not, even for a date.

[Wiseman2]

Don't waste your time on guys who have too many deal breakers. What was so appealing about this guy?

It's not easy to find a decent guy nowadays. I'm tired of being treated like garbage. If there was I would have been married 5 years ago, as that was my original goal. Sue me for wanting a respectful, ambitious guy to put a ring on my finger.

[Silver star]

I don't think 'shallow' is relevant.

You obviously have certain criteria and he doesnt meet it

[Batya33]

To me it's not shallow but about compatibility. Once I moved out on my own and had a career I wanted someone who valued those goals and accomplishments too especially because I was looking for someone to marry. To me shallow is seeking only people with a certain level of income or salary because you want that person to buy you material things.

[rmo22]

Don't waste your time on guys who have too many deal breakers. What was so appealing about this guy?

 

I explained that initially. I said that right away I thought he was interesting. Foreign, cultured and spoke several languages. That was the initial appeal. My questions simply arise from my curiosity regarding whether or not I am making the right decisions when it comes to men. Why is it that they only last 2-6 weeks before I have to end it? What am I doing that is so wrong when it comes to choosing men? Am I being too shallow? Am I turning down good guys for the wrong reasons? Am I saying yes to potential bad guys for the wrong reasons? And what is "too many deal breakers?" How many deal breakers am I supposed to deal with? In reality, I have a lot of questions that I really can't answer.

[rmo22]

Not sure how it turned into you getting defensive about it - although that could be something for you to explore. .

 

My defensiveness came from being told that I am expected to have several different dates on my "horizon," when in reality, I think this is the problem with society today. Everyone has so many "prospects" to choose from, no one has any interest in monogamy. Hearing this is nothing short of upsetting. Most guys I have dated have also had several options on their horizons, hence the reason why I would have to end it and continue my search for someone wanting marriage. I refuse to do what everyone in society says I should do in this case. This is simply because I know it will never lead to a meaningful relationship with just one person.

[Wiseman2]

When people are on dating sites there are usually matches that people decide about. It's not shallow to meet people from dating sites, then determine if you should pursue it.

 

Being on dating site to meet people is not about monogamy, that happens after a relationship is established and that can only happen after meeting and deciding to date. Lots of people marry someone they met online, but they had to date first and select someone from the people they met.

Everyone has so many "prospects" to choose from, no one has any interest in monogamy. I would have to end it and continue my search for someone wanting marriage.

[limichelle]

Wiseman makes excellent points, there is nobody forcing you to date this guy. I don't think it's shallow to not want to date him. You can keep him as a friend and explore dating others who are more marriage material.

 

Lisa

[superfan]

I don't know what country he is originally from, but in some cultures it is not uncommon for several generations to live together under one roof until marriage. Could be why he still lives at home.

 

That being said, it would be a complete deal breaker for me. I personally wouldn't even consider it and I don't see myself as shallow - I just know that I wouldn't be compatible with someone that wasn't self sufficient. You don't "have" to date him just because he's there.