how do you handle crazy girls?

[mataney]

been dating for 5 months. as soon as things are good, she gets mad at me for no apparent reason. typical drama queen. but the good times far out weigh the bad. we both love each other but i don't know how to keep going on with this. she pushes me away and then grabs me back. it's an emotional rollercoaster and i don't wanna give up on her yet. it feels like just when we're getting close she'll point out some occasion where she felt like i was neglecting her. what should i do?

[Day_Walker]

The best thing to do with crazy girls is not to deal with them. Unless you want to ride the emotional rollercoast its not gonna be worth it. Yes you have put in some time but hopefully you will learn a lesson that will help you out for the rest of your life and thats not to deal with drama queens because you cannot tolerate their behavior.

[annie24]

Oh man... it's girls like this that give the rest of us a bad name.... If you want to be with her, then be with her. But the second she puts on the drama queen show, just get up, and walk away. Tell her you'll be back once she's calmed down and ready to talk about things in a calm, rational manner.

 

Is it possible this is linked to her period? I get a little crabby around my period, but I've learned to control it. Like, if I feel like I'm upset at something or someone, I'll look at the calendar and go, "oh.. that's why I'm so bothered right now..." And then I calm down right away - once I know the source of my emotions. She should do the same. But, it you bring it up, then she may bite your head off....careful!

 

Also, you may want to examine your behavior. Does she have a point? Are you insensitive about certain stuff? Can you look at things from her perspective. If she has some points, you may want to adjust your own behavior yourself.

 

good luck!!!

[Riles84]

Tell her what your feeling, and if she doesnt work on it you cant be with her anymore, casue of what shes puttign you through. Try to wokr on the relationship before throwing it away.

[mataney]

can a crazy girl ever become sane? how do girls realize that they were crazy? there's gotta be some ladies that can admit they were high maintenance like this.

 

by the way she's 25 and i'm 28. when we're together, it's just awesome. but once in a while she'll just over react. and it's up to me to put out the fire. i really do care for her and i do see something inside of her and i know she cares for me too. but this dr jekll/ms. hyde thing is just ridiculous.

[mataney]

wow annie, you're right on the dot. it is that time of the month. i didn't want to mention it because i didn't want to offend any girls out there. but it's not like, poof, nothing happened. how many girls realize that it may be their pms?

 

but is there an off ramp to this roller coaster? does it happen with age or experience?

[Beec]

I think the first thing you need to try to figure out is why, why does she pull these kind of stunts. You may never be able to figure it out, but you should try.

 

One of the things we often do is get into ruts. We do the same thing every day, day in, day out, and that can become taken for granted. It can also make a person near you become unsure of whether your feelings differ day to day. Maybe, you should consider alternating periods of when you are on and off, so to speak. Periods of on being when you are the one making your gf feeled very lvoed, paid attention to, etc. Periods of off being when you are not that way, when you ignore her a bit, don't tell her you love or care for her, etc. This alternating stuff can work, but don't take it too far. If you watch her body language, you may also be able to tell when the emotional stuff she does is about to come and head it off.

[mataney]

beec, it's not gonna work. here's one instance. it was my bday at some club. my friends were there and she brought some of her friends too to keep her company.

 

so here i am, my bday and all. i mingle like i should do because everyone is there for me. it seemed all fine then couple days later she'd tell me that i didn't spend any time with her. crazy. but it seemed as the more we got involved the more she got irritated. she even says that if i were just a friend that what i did was not right. that my behavior of not spending time with her really turned her off. and she says she's not being selfish.

 

obviously it's not fair that you guys only get one side of the story but i really do care for this girl. i thought about why she acts like this and i thought that maybe she's been hurt in the past and has a hard time with trusting a guy and that she's expecting the perfect guy to come along. and we know that ain't gonna happen.

[Iceman26]

I hate to say this man, but if she acts that way at her age, she probably isn't going to change. In fact, its going to get worse, unless she realizes her erratic behavior is seriously weird. You can't make her change, so you have to make changes yourself.

 

I understand you say you love this girl, but is this type of behavior something you want to deal with for the rest of your life? I would hope not, for your sake.

 

Oh, my opinion on dealing with crazy girls is to either avoid them or if you are dating them and find out they are crazy, break up with them.

[Beec]

Well, that's a specific instance, but I also think it could work in this type of situation.

 

As you were there mingling and she was not liking it, her emotions led her to be upset. If at the right time, you went over to her and showed her attention for all to notice, then you might have difused it. If you went and grabbed her by the hand, introduced her to a friend as "my beautiful girlfriend", then she would have gone from feeling low, to feeling high. People get addicted to such feelings.

 

Timing could be a bit difficult then, but done at the right time, I bet it would help.

[randoss]

Hey - mataney

 

Just curious, but is she a gemini???

[Cecelius]

If it's just annoying drama, then shut it down when she does it BUT occasionally play along or give her some good drama (if she wants something to cry about, give it to her...). Without being obnoxious, if she gets pouty about something, get ticked with her and bust her on it -- put her off balance, then take her in your arms and do what comes naturally. She likes to feel, and there's nothing wrong with that.

 

If its high maintenance (and it is hard to tell the difference between a mere drama queen and a girl about to cheat on you), where you think there's a decent chance that she'll hook up with someone to soothe her needs, then drop her.

[mataney]

randoss, she's a cancer. im a pisces. don't really look into that stuff but it's interesting to read.

 

she's not the type to go off into someone else's arms. she'd been broken up with her ex for a year before we met. and boy was it hard to get her to open up to me.

 

i did have to be sorta dramatic i suppose. cuz when i first made my move she said she just wanted to be friends. i decided that i didn't need a new friend so i stopped talking to her and two days later she's back on to me.

 

i've been trying to just talk to her and telling her that i do want to work things out but she keeps saying "i don't know what to say" so i take it as she needs some time. so now i'm giving it to her.

[Towny]

Man...mataney, I feel your pain. My girlfriend is exactly the same way. Things are going well for a month and then---BAM!---she hits me with some ridiculous argument and somehow it's always my fault. I'm pretty level-headed, but she can't handle much in the way of difficult situations. Sometimes it's like I just can't take it anymore, but, yeah, I love her and want to be with her. You just can't change who she is, I've realized this. Maybe it's for the best your girlfriend is distancing herself, I don't know. But I can understand completely how exhausting and irrational it can be.

[mataney]

towny, sorry, but i'm glad that someone is out there with in the same situation. what do you do? it's like i'm constantly putting a fire out. i have my limits but i wanted to see if there's something i can do before i get to that point.

 

do you end up giving in or stand up? i've done both. both end up in the same conclusion. she somehow realizes that i'm not somebody she's looking for. then in a couple of days, she's calling me back. telling me that she misses me and that she wants to be with me. this is on those occasions where it goes too far. but didn't happen many times.

 

she's a constant contradiction. says she doesn't like pda and then gets mad for not paying too much attention. this is all while she doesn't want a boyfriend.

 

i know i should get out. that it doesn't look good. but i'm not at that point yet. just wanted to know what i can do to settle this before i bail.

[annie24]

Part of me sometimes wonders if guys like this drama..... I'm a very even keeled female - Like I said, when I'm having my period, I realize why I'm cranky, and I try not to bite anyone's head off. However, all the girls I've known that are major drama queens have these boyfriends who put up with it, roll their eyes, but try to appease them. But, I don't have the type of long-term success in relationships that more mentally unstable girls do.... I've had several boyfriends tell me that "they didn't feel needed enough." Not true! I always needed them - but I just didn't cry or yell or scream (mostly because I don't want my mascara to run )

 

What gives?

[Iceman26]

In case you haven't noticed Annie, there are many guys on here that like drama . Holy god I could name some names. Some guys view girls like this as being more of a challenge, something to figure out. They spend their time interpreting or speculating why their significant others act this way and treat them this way instead of thinking about what is best for themselves, which usually would be to suggest therapy and move on to someone more mature with their emotions, feelings and treatment of others. I dont blame guys like this, because in my earlier twenties I was one of them.

 

Some guys have nothing better to do, or dont think they can do any better, or think the girl will eventually change, and some, like me for example, were just used to girls like this (until I met my current girlfriend) and thought this was normal behavior.

[mataney]

annie, you have a good point. just a guess but do you have a tendency to like the "bad" boys?

 

i'd say i'm "genuinely" nice guy. not a "the" nice guy. im confident with enough with myself about how i deal with women. i'm just trying to understand her cuz it seems that she's insecure somehow and whenever we get envolved deeper she'll back out with these "fits". as if she was afraid of getting closer.

 

annie, she started her period probably on tue/wed. while this argument escaladed on monday. don't you think she'd be calming down and thinking rationally by now (friday)

 

ice, holy hell. that can be true about how some guys like drama. but would you want a boring gf? same goes for the ladies. it's a crazy world out there.

[annie24]

No, I don't like bad boys. Bad boys are bad. I like nice guys.

 

Why does mentally stable = boring !?!?!?

[mataney]

annie, sorry. i don't mean mentally stable means boring. i was implying that usually good girls don't go crazy. i equate good girls as basically "church" girls. you know the quiet ones that sit on the side and aren't very confident about themeselves. that's boring.

 

i'm talking about "bad" boys as in guys that are overly confident. not meaning they are asses but maybe more of umm...guy that stands out in a crowd.

 

but anyways, thanks for your input. it cleared some stuff up about my girl. she ain't by no means a good girl. but let's say she's good enough for me to not stay away from her.

[annie24]

hi - oh no, I wasn't upset. I understand what you are trying to say though....

 

Gosh - I wish I knew what to tell you. There have been girls that I've known as drama queens, and as a result of their ridiculous behavior, we're no longer friends. That was my solution! When they would accuse me of ridiculous things, and their stupid mood swings - well, it just comes to a point where I don't have the emotional energy to deal with them anymore!

[Towny]

Mataney, since you asked, I'm not so sure I can or will be able to handle my situation with my current version of the "dramatic and irrational" girlfriend. The amount of energy I put forth trying to comfort/support her more than overshadows the amount of recipricated love I get in return. Just when I think she has accepted me for who I am and accepted her lot in life, she pulls back, blows up, self-distructs, and distances herself from everyone around her. Like I said before, I can't change her and I've given up hoping she will "come around", but it just doesn't work that way. We all have our limits. The real question is when will we finally decide that this limit has been reached?

 

I read a quote by the author Don Miguel Ruiz once that said something like, "It is far easier to find somebody that we do not want to change than try to change somebody else into the person that we want." The more I think about that the more I agree. Hope it all works out with you and your situation.

[mataney]

towny, it's not gonna be easy. you've got to be strong and don't let her break you down. she's gonna always want things her way. you gotta let her know that you can only put up with so much. she needs to realize that you have needs too.

 

i have tried. she's just too stuborn. like a friend once told me "you were fine before you met her and you'll be fine after."

 

she's just got too many issues. it's better off as they say. just thought i'd be one of those instances where it'd actually work out.