Wolfshook Posted June 29, 2016 Share Posted June 29, 2016 First, this is intended as a message to all of those that ask themselves whether it will suck for the rest of their lives. It wont. This is loooong, if you are not interested in storry please just skinp to a question, I dont want to open yet another thread. My 6 month post bu "aniversary" has been few days ago. My ex broke up with me right after the christmass time. I was devastated, seeing her spend ny eve with bunch of guys hasnt helped either. The reasons? She wants to be single and doesnt know whether this is love she feels. I begged for 2 weeks and then forced myself to go NC,it was hard but there was nothing left to do (I knew about NC because she broke up with me once before but got back to me within a week crying that she cant live without me). I was NC for a few weeks and then broke it to wish her a happy bday,she said thanks and I tried to lead the conversation but she ignored it. Back to NC. I was doing great for more than a month this time,it was surprisingly easy to maintain NC,but I still hurted a lot. Nc lasted for more than a month this time. It was friday night, I was playing games with my friend and I get a message,obviously drunk saying "return to me" (this is exact translation from my language and can mean both come back to me and give it back to me) from my ex. I tought she sent it to a wrong number or she left something at my place. Didnt care. Then about half an hour later I get a call from her and I denied it. She continued to call me more than 10 times before I responded. It was basically everything I wanted to hear from her, and we agreed for a coffee. Few days later we go for a coffee but I hold myself reserved,it's hard to trust somebody after all this. She asks me few times about my feelings but I respond "do we really have to talk about this now". Through whole this she cant keep her eyes off me and she keeps complimenting me. We go home and she tries to keep contact with me on social networks and keeps telling me how good time she had and that I should tell her if I want to go for another coffee with her. Next day we chat a bit more and it stops. Then few days later I contact her and again we have a good chat,ask her if she is forna coffee the next sunday and she says if she has a transport available. Sunday goes and she doesnt contact me. I couldnt keep it and ask her what is going on,she says she has feelings for me but not enough for relationship and this is why she avoided another "date". I tell her ok and she tries to hold the talk,so we had what was actually great talk. I tell her that if she changes her mind she knows where I am and I go NC. This set me back huuge time, it was all awfull again. This time nc lasted forn 2 weeks when she again contacts me with some stupid question, this time I was visiting my fwb and obviously had a good time and didnt look at my fb for few days so I responded few days later and get thanks in reply. Again nc lasts for a few weeks and I get yet another stupid message from her (when I say stupid I mean unrelated) and I respond lightly and to the point. Then again NC lasts for a few days and I get happy birthday message,this one was last and it has been 2 months since that one. Again for more than a month it sucked. But, this is what I noticed few days ago, the pain stopped and I havent really noticed it. It was wonderfull thing to find out. Still miss her from time to time but it doesnt hurt so much any more. After all this time I managed to change parts of my personality that were bad in my past relationship,managed to get more positive view in my life, to get rid of my needines, to get some friends, lost more than 10 killos and for the first time in my life I accept my body and feel good when I see myself naked, it's weird feeling not to cringe when you take off your shirt. There is still long way to go,but this was wery important to me. There are other ways in which I want to improve but I believe I will get there eventually. The most important, I managed to stop resenting her for leaving me. Things that helped me were mostly girls that have shown interest in me, been on 3 dates in these 6 months not really trying. Watching swingers and that funny video on youtube about how to lose weight (link is in my other thread that talks about things that help you cope). Having sex with my fwb because it made me feel wanted. And NC,not looking at her profiles and keeping her out of my life as much as possible. Things seem so grim at the beginning but are so shiny now. I feel happy once again and I know that I'm responsible for that happyness. Now a question time: Did I screw it up? I have a cute girl at one of the places at my work that works in the same field that I am outsourced to. We basically do the same job just on diferent scale (I visit this work few times a week) meaning my job is part of hers but just a little part. Anyway I am always talked to by this girl and she always comes up to me when I get there and knows to go through whole department just to come to me and talk to me for a bit. She is always kind of funny around me (seems kind of like excited) and a bit flirty. She even made a comment in a way that she oves me a coffee for something but I was in a hurry and told her to remind me next time. I have been thinking to ask her out for a few weeks now. Today I get to my work place and there she is, walks right to me even though she has been there talking to her colleagues and working, she greets me and we have some small talk and I go to do my work. I notice that my part of work is all done perfectly (while the rest is left pretty much in mess) and I go to finish the rest of my work and she is near so we talk and she asks me if she did good job. Her colleagues were there and I was pretty much scared to ask her out, so we continue in a bit flirty tone,she asks me for my name in a flirty way (because we havent officialy meet) and I ask her for hers,compliment her and tell her that now I owe her a drink, she kind of blushes and says she doesnt drink alcohol (again language thing) so I tell her that coffee is not an alcohol and then her friend jumps in with some stupid comment like "come on you two stop flirting and start working" and this is what I believe threw us both off this coffee thing. My question is, should I try again once we are alone and ask her if she is for a coffee or did I screw up by not asking her for a coffee directly but rather in an indirect way (can "I owe you a drink" even be missunderstood as a joke and not as an invite?)? Thanks Link to comment
Maximus007 Posted June 29, 2016 Share Posted June 29, 2016 Just say, "let's get together for that coffee you owe me. what's your schedule look like?" or something like that. Doesn't matter when. The sooner the better. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted June 29, 2016 Share Posted June 29, 2016 Yes ask her in an unambiguous direct way to go out/go for coffee, when there is no nosy audience around..should I try again once we are alone and ask her if she is for a coffee or did I screw up by not asking her for a coffee directly Link to comment
Maximus007 Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 Also, thanks for the update. I was pressed for time earlier and just responded to your question. Link to comment
Wolfshook Posted June 30, 2016 Author Share Posted June 30, 2016 Thank you people, I will try to ask her out this saturday, please hold your thumbs for me . I think there is nothing to lose, at worst case things will be awkward for 2 months (this is how long I will probably do this job). Link to comment
luisannalui Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 After all this time I managed to change parts of my personality that were bad in my past relationship,managed to get more positive view in my life, to get rid of my needines, to get some friends, lost more than 10 killos and for the first time in my life I accept my body and feel good when I see myself naked, it's weird feeling not to cringe when you take off your shirt. There is still long way to go,but this was wery important to me. There are other ways in which I want to improve but I believe I will get there eventually. The most important, I managed to stop resenting her for leaving me. ) Good afternoon. Thank you for sharing your story, I can't wait to be at that stage! Congrats on getting over your ex. Now in regards to the coffee girl, I don't think you messed up! You doing just fine, you are using the old tradition of physical flirt rather than what we are up now "texting, msg" flirt. Keep doing it the traditional way! Next time you see her wait for the opportunity to give her your number in a piece of paper, don't ask for hers. The reason why is because if she's interested she will contact you. Don't get discourage if she doesn't do it right away, eventually she will. The piece of paper option is if coworkers are around again and you don't get the opportunity to tell her.Best of luck! Link to comment
Wolfshook Posted July 1, 2016 Author Share Posted July 1, 2016 I will have it ready, but I will try and ask her straight for coffee. A little update, I was contacted by my ex once again, this time it wasnt stupid random message, but wasnt "I want you back" either. My heart rushed for a few secconds,but after that, nothing. She told me to feel free to contact her if I want,but I honestly dont feel the urge, I dont even miss talking to her any more so I doubt it that I will contact her any time soon. After that I went to sleep and didnt really think of her. It was success in my eyes. Tommorrow I plan to ask the girl from work out,fingers crossed it works . That's all I'm thinking about now. Link to comment
kbbcoop77 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Congrats. And I would just block the ex so she can't text you anymore with her stupid suggestions to contact her if you want. What a loon. Link to comment
Wolfshook Posted July 12, 2016 Author Share Posted July 12, 2016 Ok,it's been almost 2 weeks and I havent asked the girl out. For almost whole week we had different shifts so I couldnt see her,another week she was always busy because she had to take over customers from people that went on their vacation and I couldnt catch the alone time at all . It didnt stop her from running quickly to me just to say hi to me and chat a bit,but there were always her customers around and I tought that it would put her in weird situation. Today she even playfully asked me if I would massage her since her back hurts, this pulled some giggling from her customers that were near. I've even been thinking if maybe I should add her on fb even though she didnt give me her last name,but I think whole fb thing is weird and would rather do it face to face ,but it never seems appropriate. Another plan is to go a bit late in her shift, so there would probably be less customers around and she would have more free time,but idk if I could arrange my work this way. If somebody has any suggestion please, share with me I really like this girl, I'm a bit scared that she too has a boyfriend allthough there are no traces of him on social media. Link to comment
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