Does A Girl Ever Forget Giving Oral

[mmg123321]

My wife and I have been happily married 20 years. We both adhere to a don't ask don't tell policy about our sexual histories, although we have talked about certain past events from time to time, especially at the beginning of our relationship. Recently, we have been having issues around the lack of oral sex from her to me, basically it's been a year. I enjoy giving oral so she gets it on a regular basis. I would never ask her to do it if she didn't like it because I just can't enjoy myself if I know she doesn't like doing something. In trying to sort it out I got a lot of vague answers around her hang ups but no real answers. I told her I never want to do it if she's uncomfortable. She assured me that this is not the case but she only likes to do it when the time is right for her. I said fine. However, in one of our conversations she told me that I was the first person she ever gave oral to. Immediately, I knew this was a lie based on prior conversations about our past experiences specifically oral over the years, she had mentioned guys she had given oral to. Obviously she forgot what she had told me years earlier. I waited until the next day and then tried to give her an out dropping obvious hits about our previous discussions about experiences. She wouldn't let on until I finally said, "Kate, I know you are lying remember when you told me about...". She appeared dumbfounded and then said, "oh Ya I totally forgot about doing that". I just don't buy it and I told her so but she is sticking to this explanation. Can a girl actually forget multiple events of oral with multiple guys? Why would she do that after all these years? I don't care in the slightest about her past sex partners and have told her so on numerous occasions. Thoughts?

[JamesT2]

Lots of confusion and misunderstanding between you guys reading this post, so maybe she did give oral to ex.. Or maybe not, she doesn't remember ?

 

I haven't been married for 20 years and I'm probably younger than you but recall every women I've given oral or had sex with, because there hasn't been hundreds quite yet.

 

If you don't care about her sexual past with different men, should it matter? Or do you think she's playing ''amnesia''?

[Medley28]

Maybe she was uncomfortable bringing up the past as she wants to focus on your current relationship instead of thinking about things she's done in the past. It was wrong to lie about her past sexual experiences, but maybe she did so to avoid telling you that she doesn't enjoy doing it because you enjoy it. Many will put their partners before them when it comes to sex, so she may just be trying to avoid telling you that she's not a fan. I don't think it was wrong of her to not want to remember things she had done in past relationships, but it was wrong of her to lie to you. Try talking it out with her again and be sure to tell her that you don't mind it if she doesn't enjoy doing it, but that you'd like to know so you don't keep asking and making her uncomfortable.

[IAmFCA]

This whole dynamic seems off key.

 

To answer your question - sure, a gal might forget having gone down on some guy. But no, she won't forget having ever gone down on anyone.

 

To me there is something much more important going on. After 19+ years of oral, she stopped giving you oral? If that is what happened, then the conversation needs to be - are you okay? Did something happen to you? Did I do something that was uncomfortable? Something changed - what changed?

 

And if she won't speak up for herself, then it's counselor time.

 

What is going on in your marriage that you are pursuing a line of questioning and she is lying about it? Why is she lying to protect herself from you?

[mmg123321]

Please answer the question. Sex of any kind is not an issue. It bothers me when people try to read between the lines.

[IAmFCA]

Please answer the question. Sex of any kind is not an issue. It bothers me when people try to read between the lines.

 

Was this directed at my post? If so, I answered, no. Might forget a specific time or person, but not a history of experience.

[mmg123321]

Thanks. That was helpful. I will continue reassuring her.

[zeino]

I think a woman may easily forget about some experiences but not all of them. However, this looks to me like a protective lie based on guilt - "don't think you are less valuable than all those partners I did it with" kind of lie when at the same time, she is uncomfortable for a reason. At the same time, I wonder if something rather irrelevant happened in the last year, like she has had oral herpes (cold sores) and doesn't want to give it to you or like hormonal changes affected her sense of smell and body fluids are smelling uncomfortable or something. Something that has nothing to do with love or intimacy per se but is difficult to share for her for some reason.

[mmg123321]

I think a woman may easily forget about some experiences but not all of them. However, this looks to me like a protective lie based on guilt - "don't think you are less valuable than all those partners I did it with" kind of lie when at the same time, she is uncomfortable for a reason. At the same time, I wonder if something rather irrelevant happened in the last year, like she has had oral herpes (cold sores) and doesn't want to give it to you or like hormonal changes affected her sense of smell and body fluids are smelling uncomfortable or something. Something that has nothing to do with love or intimacy per se but is difficult to share for her for some reason.

 

That's interesting, thanks. To be honest, I could care less about the lack of oral sex, but in trying to find out why, other things emerge. I will never bring it up again.

[IAmFCA]

That's interesting, thanks. To be honest, I could care less about the lack of oral sex, but in trying to find out why, other things emerge. I will never bring it up again.

 

I suggest you relax with the questions. What are you digging to find? "Other things emerge"- fishing expedition?

[SherrySher]

The only thing you need to wonder about here...is if she's capable of lying to you. That would worry me.

It doesn't matter if it's a white lie or huge lie...lying is lying.

And I think this is the issue that is bothering you more than anything. Is it usual to "forget" that you gave someone oral at one time...errmmm..not usually...I mean..it's not the typical thing.

However....you have been married for 20 years and a lot has gone on since then...so yeah..it could have slipped her mind if it was not all that memorable.

[mmg123321]

The only thing you need to wonder about here...is if she's capable of lying to you. That would worry me.

It doesn't matter if it's a white lie or huge lie...lying is lying.

And I think this is the issue that is bothering you more than anything. Is it usual to "forget" that you gave someone oral at one time...errmmm..not usually...I mean..it's not the typical thing.

However....you have been married for 20 years and a lot has gone on since then...so yeah..it could have slipped her mind if it was not all that memorable.

 

So it's atypical to forget? It's just odd. I guess we aren't as close as I had hoped.

[Tanzi]

It is quite possible to forget some sexual experiences in the way it is to forget ANY experience of ANY kind but what your wife would know is whether or not you were her first.

 

As regsrds the real issue it sounds like your wife has gone off the idea of giving you oral.

[IAmFCA]

So it's atypical to forget? It's just odd. I guess we aren't as close as I had hoped.

 

What is the connection between its possible to forget and "we're not as close as I had hoped"? I increasingly feel like this series of conversations feels like a test, and that might be a clue as to why she lied, presuming she did.

 

She loves you. Doesn't want to doubted anymore. Can't figure out how to have this conversation without being misunderstood. Easier to tell you the facts that you might interpret in a way that represents her feelings accurately.

 

Perhaps you're the first oral she cared about or she cares to remember.

 

If you want to feel closer, put less weight on the answers she gives you. Think of understanding her as your only goal. Take yourself out of it. By that I mean

 

Listening for what it means to you, how she feels about you, what she is available for with you, etc - that's all about you.

 

Just listen.

 

Trust that it will come back around to you. She will make sure of it. Trust in that. You will not be shortchanged.

 

First, listen, and think only about her, her experience, her sense of things, what it's like to see the world through her eyes. That is it, that is all.

 

She will trust you more.

[Creacion]

These are separate issues. yes, you do forget who and what if he's not the man in her life. It's not the issue. The issue is you're frustrated that she used to give it coz you liked it, but she doesn't.

 

I nearly stopped seeing a guy he doesn't. But he's everything else and the fact he doesn't, doesn't matter. Instead of making other men the issue, are there other issues preventing emotional intimacy?

[Wiseman2]

Do you remember every detail of every encounter from over 20 yrs ago? No of course not, so it's possible to forget. But the real issue is not getting bjs for a year because she's not into it. Focus on that not who has the better memory from over 20 yrs ago.

married 20 years

[mmg123321]

Do you remember every detail of every encounter from over 20 yrs ago? No of course not, so it's possible to forget. But the real issue is not getting bjs for a year because she's not into it. Focus on that not who has the better memory from over 20 yrs ago.

 

As I have mentioned the issue is actually the QUESTION: Can a girl actually forget giving oral sex to multiple partners? The other stuff was background information misconstrued by you. That issue has been resolved and I am not that crazy about receiving oral sex anyways.

[Wiseman2]

Asked and answered.

so it's possible to forget

[ThatwasThen]

Why are you making an issue out of whether or not she remembers or lied? It was over 20 years ago and should be left behind instead of trying to make it an issue, just forget about it.

 

As for her only wanting to give you oral when SHE wants to give it to you. Have you actually just asked her seductively to do it while you're in the throes of getting bizzy? If you have, has she obliged. If she hasn't gone down on you, what takes place after the rejection? Have you asked her what would facilitate her "wanting to?"

[reinventmyself]

Why are you making an issue out of whether or not she remembers or lied? It was over 20 years ago and should be left behind instead of trying to make it an issue, just forget about it.

 

As for her only wanting to give you oral when SHE wants to give it to you. Have you actually just asked her seductively to do it while you're in the throes of getting bizzy? If you have, has she obliged. If she hasn't gone down on you, what takes place after the rejection? Have you asked her what would facilitate her "wanting to?"

"I am not that crazy about receiving oral sex anyways."

 

I am so confused.

It sounds like you need something to fight about.

if everything else is ok in your marriage and you don't care about oral to begin with . . let this one go.

Seriously.

[ThatwasThen]

Not sure why you quoted me in that response, Reinvent?

 

You bolded that he wasn't that much caring for oral yet he contradicts himself

Recently, we have been having issues around the lack of oral sex from her to me,

[reinventmyself]

Not sure why you quoted me in that response, Reinvent?

 

ahh. .

Maybe just to reinforce what you shared and ended with my two bits

[ThatwasThen]

Oh... thanks for clarification. I did add to that post to illustrate that Op does contradict himself.

 

I wonder Op if you can actually articulate what the issue is.

 

Is it that you think she lied about forgetting or is it that you're not getting yours?

[mmg123321]

"I am not that crazy about receiving oral sex anyways."

 

I am so confused.

It sounds like you need something to fight about.

if everything else is ok in your marriage and you don't care about oral to begin with . . let this one go.

Seriously.

 

The problem is in me giving some background as to why I am asking the question. People like to take background information and twist it around to appear intelligent in there responses? So to help with your confusion let's pretend the post read as follows:

Can a girl forget giving oral sex to her previous partners (9 other men in total) and mistakenly claim that I was the first person she had given oral sex to.

[ThatwasThen]

The problem is in me giving some background as to why I am asking the question. People like to take background information and twist it around to appear intelligent in there responses? So to help with your confusion let's pretend the post read as follows:

Can a girl forget giving oral sex to her previous partners (9 other men in total) and mistakenly claim that I was the first person she had given oral sex to.

Maybe she meant you're the first one she swallowed O.o

 

What is the difference... why do you even care?