can't give gf an orgasm

[surething]

My gf can't seem to have an orgasm with me. So far we've only done fingering and stuff like that. She doesn't like fingering so i stick to just rubbing her. Its weird to me because she can have an orgasm when she masturbates numerous times in a row. She loves everything i do for her and i know she enjoys it. She goes crazy and she says no one has ever made her feel that way. But its frustrating to me. I don't understand how it doesn't make her cum. She said no guy has ever given her an orgasm. Its like she doesn't want to. I've noticed she'll tell me to take a break, or she'll need to catch her breath. Or she'll have to leave.

 

I've asked her to show me what she does to herself so that i can do it for her. But she said that didn't work in the past. I'm just getting frustrated. She gets me off so i'd like to do the same for her. I know girls are different than guys, but if she can do it herself then i don't know why no one else can. I've done everything right. I tell her i want to give her an orgasm and she says it doesn't matter to her and things like that, which just discourages me even more. Is this normal? What should i do or should i just forget about it?

[annie24]

How old are you two? It could just be that she's young and not quite comfortable with her body and being with a man just yet. It's a good sign that she's had them before. Just have fun, go with the flow. Don't feel bad about yourself. I think it's with her. But, she sounds like she's having fun. I'm so glad to hear that you are so concerned about her "getting hers." That's great. Good relationship. Good luck!

[tanned_production]

I agree with Annie...

maybe ask her if theres anything else you could do to possibly bring her to an orgasm... or maybe its not possible.

who knows... but wouldnt it be great to be her first?

[Beec]

Well, I have not encountered this issue much, but it does happen. Women often have a harder time, especially getting to those first orgams.

 

First, don't get too down. Some women just cannot orgasm easily, and if it does not bother her, then it is not the biggest problem.

 

Second, keep trying. You are right to want her to orgasm. Try different things, think about trying oral. I have dated women who came only using oral, and only one I can think of who did not get off during oral sex. BTW, there are books out there on how to do it, and I am sure you can find some free info on the web.

 

Third, think about asking her to stop the self-service. Why do guys have issues with having sex when they get addicted to porn? Because they cannot do it anymroe without it and train their bodies to get off via masturbation so they use it all up. I think women can also get these problems. They please themselves in ways that seem great until it comes time for someone to please them. But they get so trained on certain motions and stimulus that they jsut cannot orgasm. In my experience, when they stop, jsut like guys who get off the porn, they stand a much better chance of being able to orgasm and enjoy sex with their partners. Note well, this could take a while and she may not see the reason to do it.

[shockeddismayed]

Surething,

 

You are getting some good advice from all parties.

 

First... don't worry too much about this. What is important is that you are caring enough to want to "be there for her". So try not to let it affect your esteem. And keep in mind that you shouldn't let the anxiety (yours or hers) become the focus of your physical relationship. If you do that, she may feel so much pressure to orgasm, that it turns her off. So do all that you can to keep the mood light... smile, tickle, laugh,.... enjoy each other. The rest will come naturally when she is ready (mentally) and comfortable.

 

Also, with younger women, this is not all that uncommon. When I was younger, I had a girlfriend who was nineteen (I was 20), but she had very little experience before I came around. She was so terrified of, in her words, "loosing control", that she would react very peculiarly when we were making out. I'd bring her close, so close that she'd actually be shaking and trembling, but she'd just push me away and wait right at that edge until the feeling would go away. When she finally trusted me enough to "let it happen", it was pretty spectacular... but alas she broke up with me a few weeks later... she later admitted to me some pretty serious issues that had been at play.

 

Anyway, obviously an extreme case... but the idea is the same. It is a matter of comfort and trust... so do all that you can to be supportive, attentive, kind... and don't let her feel your disappointment.

 

As for Beec's advice... some really good advice about trying other things... but if she is young, I think getting her to stop pleasing herself is the wrong approach.

 

The logic about men and porn is good, but most likely not at issue here. If she is young and has never orgasmed with another guy, then it *most likely* means she has (perhaps minor) issues with her self-esteem and with trust. Knowing herself very well physically will help on both counts. Mind you... if she is only using a vibrator, you might suggest she use her hands when she's alone.... it could be a matter of training those nerve pathways to be stimulated by less intense activity.

 

One last thing.... do you think she would be into pleasing herself while you were there (and doing the same)? That might be one way to get her to open up. But if she resists, definitely drop it and tell her you just want to share in whatever she feels comfortable with... nothing more.

 

Good luck.

[surething]

Thanks everyone. It all really helps. You are right about the low self-esteem thing, because i know she has that problem. By the way, she's 18 and i'm 19. I feel a little better and i'll figure something out. I asked her again the other day if she could show me how she gets herself off. She said "i don't know", like she really didn't want to talk about it. Its like there's something going on there. Oh well.

 

I just don't get how she can enjoy what we do so much but not have an orgasm, or not want to have one. I'm not her first guy. She's been with other guys too and she's experienced in it so its not like she's new to it. She already "looses control" with the stuff i do for her now. So i don't think her reaction to an orgasm would be embarrassing to her or something.

[lisica]

I think she likes you a lot and that she is worried to disappoint you if you try to get her to orgasm but do not succeed. So she tells you from the start it will not work so you do not even have to try. My advice is to play along in that game and not talk about orgasm anymore. Stroke her the way she likes best, tell her how much you like doing that (so she gets the feeling that you are doing it for yourself, not because you want to please her) and encourage her to relax and enjoy what you are doing to her.

[jaiva]

Well, It took forever for my ex to give me an orgasm. We tried a lot of different positions and a lot of giving up before it happened. I think that maybe you should give it time and don't give up. Continue trying to please your gf.

Jaiva