kinatra Posted June 4, 2003 Share Posted June 4, 2003 Hi folks, Well I broke up with my girlfriend for the 2nd time last week. We had been dating for 4/5 years and all of it was wonderful. There were, however, many times in which I did not want to be in the relationship anymore but I would always feel this before a vacation we were about to take or a trip home to see her/my parents. Anyway, it really came down to giving her "the ring" and I never could do it. There were many things that we didn't agree on (i.e. politics, religious issues (e.g. she believed homosexuality was immoral and was a bit more religious than I was, etc.), but other than that we got along extremely well. We enjoyed the same foods, outdoor activities, sex, practicalness, traveling, etc. I say all this because I feel that I am not sure but sure that I did the right thing. Although we were together for several years, work and school took us to different corners of the globe. When I saw her last I got scared again about the future and marriage..... I know this may sound confusing to you all...I just want to know that I did the right thing and that she was not the one. She believes I was...it's just very disappointing. I miss talking to her and looking forward to a life with her. Now my life is wide open again and I am scared and lonely. However, as a friend told me, when one door closes many more doors become available. Thanks for listening, Kinatra Link to comment
tangochi Posted June 5, 2003 Share Posted June 5, 2003 well your friend is right... Their are many other doors that will open , just make sure to walk through the right one...You cant just meet the "one" right away, it takes time plus if you werent ready for commitment, then be glad that you got out of it before it would be too late... If you miss her, Im sure she wouldnt mind hearing from you... Link to comment
kinatra Posted June 5, 2003 Author Share Posted June 5, 2003 It would indeed be nice to drop her a line, but I hear that is not the best thing, that I may send her different signals, and hurt her even more. THOUGHTS? Link to comment
sassy lass Posted June 5, 2003 Share Posted June 5, 2003 I'm in a long-term relationship and I can't imagine what you're going through. I think you should call her- maybe you could start by saying, "I wasn't sure if I should call you, because I don't want to give you mixed signals and hurt you more, but this is hard, and I was worried about you" or something like that- leave no room for confusion... As to if you did the right thing, your only your deepest gut feeling can tell you that- sometimes gut feelings are too painful to admit, but try to look deep and accept what your gut tells you. Whatever happens, you'll feel a little better each day. Try to keep yourself busy with friends or hobbies. Good luck! Link to comment
kinatra Posted June 8, 2003 Author Share Posted June 8, 2003 I called her and she said that it was not good that we should be communicating since we had to move on.......so anyway that's it! Link to comment
2clueless Posted June 17, 2003 Share Posted June 17, 2003 Kinatra If you don't mind me asking - how did you know she was not the one ? If you loved her and had fun with her and enjoyed the relationship etc.. what was missing ? Was it simply a fear of commitment ? Did you know all along she wasn't the one or did something just click one day that you knew that she wasn't the one ? Did you consider marriage and contimplate it before you decided she was not the one ? It seems as though you are happy and know that you made the right choice, which is great and shows you are a very strong person for letting go of the security and not being afraid to be alone but how are you so sure ? Sorry for all the questions just trying to understand mens way of thinking? Link to comment
kinatra Posted June 17, 2003 Author Share Posted June 17, 2003 Hi 2clueless, How did I know? I still don't know to tell you the truth because I still love her very much and after spending 4/5 wonderful years of your life with someone...there is just no way you can just bury the love. But there were many times that she said or did things that threw me off. For instance, she came from a religious part of the country and believed gays were immoral. I just could never get over the fact she believe that and I would think, what would happen if we had a child who was gay? I would support them and she has said that she would love them too; but I just never understood how she could believe discrimination against people was okay. The thing is I knew this about her very early on - our first date in fact - but I was lonely and she had all these other amazing qualities about her aside from being really beautiful. She was a lovely, sweet, intelligent, sexy, worldly, caring and sensitive person. She was my lover and my best friend....this wasn't easy to let go. She also was 5 years older than me so her priorities of having a baby, etc. were way ahead of mine. But I thought that all the things we had in common could overcome the areas we didn't agree on; however the last time I saw her I felt suffocated. We are currently both overseas and in different countries but we pretty much lived together for four years before traveling abroad. I have also got use to being alone and by myself....I don't know, it all seems so sad and complicated sometimes and yet other times it seems clear and for the best. The main thing is I never did think of marrying her.... I mean I did, but it wasn't one of those things were I was like, "boy I need to snatch this girl up before anyone else does." I never really gave it all that much thought...but she would always ask me what the hell is going on! I almost was waiting to find someone else and just enjoy my time with her. Of course this isn't very respectful in hindsight but it was never as clear as I am telling you now. Our relationship was the envy of others and I treated her like a Queen (e.g. cooking for her every night, taking care of when she was sick, etc., etc.). I loved her and had looked at dimonds but was never ready to buy it and give it to her. For one the thing, I still felt like I had things to do in my life, such as traveling and going back to school. I also was fearful getting involved in a realtionship because it would limit my ability to change careers, such as going into acting which pays nothing (just wanted to give that example of jobs that I didn't think I could explore). Ahhhh...what am I talking about....the main thing is, if I loved her and knew she was the one then none of things I am saying now would matter, right? Because I would have not questioned at any point. Our 1st break up was because I was not ready and getting back together meant that I would give her the ring, but I still couldn't do it..... All I can surmise from that is that if I truly wanted to be with her that I would have no problem doing it. I also think that when you propose you should be "on cloud nine"! When I do it I want to be exicted and feeling like there is no other women on this earth for me.....I want the deepest felling possible.....and I love my ex....but I was never ready and still not ready to do it....and I think it all comes down to that..... what do you think? Feel free to private message me....we can talk further about this....I feel like we are in similar boats in the fact that we are beginning again....although your situation may be different, I don't think my break up or a majority of them is easy on either party.....because it hasn't been. I did what I thought and felt I had to do...but it was not easy to hang up the phone knowing that would be the last time I would ever hear her voice..... Let me know if I didn't answer one of your questions... Kinatra Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now