Whether to pursue

[Tonywhite]

I matched a girl on Tinder & we started to message. We seemed to have a lot in common. After about a week of messaging I asked this girl out on a date. We met up for a drink & had a great time together we chatted for about 3 hours & we seemed to have great chemistry. We didn't kiss after the date because I'm very shy & bottled it but I still felt the day went great. We continued to message & agreed this time to go for dinner. Again I felt that the dinner went great, there was no awkward silences & we were both laughing & there date she invited me in to meet her housemate but she wasn't there & we just had a cup of tea & we chatting. After a while I really wanted to kiss her but I bottled it again & just said goodbye. I felt like such an idiot & when I got home i texted her to say I had a great time again. After this though in the next couple of days the text messages were few & far between & there didn't seem to be the same chemistry. After a few days I asked her would she liked to meet up again & she very politely said that she wasn't looking for anything at the moment. I was disappointed with this & I asked to go out again as I felt we had great chemistry but she responded by saying she was very flattered but wasn't in the headspace for seeing someone & was considering moving away

 

I really feel that we could have something special but I don't wanted to seem like a stalker by cotinually messaging her or asking her out again. I was thinking about maybe not texting her for a couple of weeks & seeing how I feel then or maybe she might have had a change of heart?

 

What do you think?

[Knot2loud]

I don't think she's interested anymore. Okay, you were shy about kissing her. No biggie... That's how you are. If you get the opportunity again, whether it's with this lady or another, just give it a shot. After the first attempt it becomes easier on the second. If she turns her head... that means "no." If she doesn't turn her head... That means... "yes." Then, WTH... Kiss her again... and again.

 

You have to try... Women are people too. She might be thinking you're not interested in her.

[Wiseman2]

I don't think it's related to how the dates went. It sounds like she's multidating and is trying out someone else on Tinder for now. She wouldn't be on that app if "she wasn't looking for anything at the moment". Agree that not texting her anymore unless she contacts you would be the best approach. I suspect you will probably hear from her again.

I was thinking about maybe not texting her for a couple of weeks & seeing how I feel then

[jdb740]

Hey - something fairly similar happened to me years back. I was getting to know this girl and eventually asked her out. She said no - but that she liked me - she was just not over someone else. I figured that would be the end of it and that we would be friends. But we continued to text/flirt and hangout. About a week later she invited me over to her place and I felt that I shouldn't try to kiss her since she wasn't over someone else - ya know, respect her boundaries and what not. So I had a good time at her place but didn't kiss her. Shortly after she stopped responding to my texts and I was dumbfounded. We eventually got together and she was nice enough to give me her side of the story and I will always appreciate this because I learned a lot that week.

 

I learned that making a move sort of 'seals the deal' if you will. It tells girls that you want them, that you want to take things further. And if a girl has invited you over, that's a dead giveaway that they want that too. In a sense, not kissing her was almost saying that you're not interested in her that way. And chances are she's not interested in some weird platonic dating situation. Moral of the story, kiss her! If you find yourself in a situation like this again, I'd say go for it!

 

While she and I never really got things going after that, I'm again thankful that this all happened. Since then I've kissed the girls who have invited me in after a date and have always been glad I did! I hope this helps you. It's something we all have got to learn. As for this girl in particular, my inclinations are that it's probably over and best that you move on. If you want to take one last stab at it, invite her out to something that you're already doing, like a concert or something. From your chats with her, can you think of anything she'd be interested in doing?

[Ms Darcy]

She's not interested. On to the next one.

[lostandhurt]

Sorry but she told you how she feels and you need to accept that. I doubt it had anything to do with you not kissing her. She had a nice time with you but she more than likely met a guy she is more interested in. It happens all the time and that is why it is called dating not relationship.

 

It sucks to have 2 dates go well (or so you thought) and then have it die off like that there is nothing you can do about it.

 

Keep looking and be a little more brave. If you see signs she really likes you lean in for a kiss.

 

Lost

[Billie28]

She declined twice and the second time saying she might move away is a very clear sign that she does not want to see you again.

 

It's nothing to do with you not making a move. If she wanted to kiss you she would go on another date until you do.

 

She is simply not interested.

 

Keep swiping

[ParisPaulette]

This happens when you do online dating, heck when you date period. It's called you both getting to know each other and then either proceeding from there OR shutting it down and moving on.

 

The fact is I would caution you not to fall into the mindset, "But we have so much in common, so much chemistry, such great first dates, of course a full romance is coming out of that." Because no, no it doesn't. More comes out of two people both clicking and being on the same page at the same time and two people deciding they want more. Not just one.

 

And I say that (having been the worst of the worst on this, one good date and I was already secretly naming our kids, okay?) because experience has taught me that at the beginning people are always on their best behavior, their most agreeable, they will yes everything or even tell you they like something you like and they'll mean it. It's not even being deceptive, it's called basic social manners.

 

BUT this does not mean you really do have anything in common or that it's going to be a happily ever after, because you don't know each other. That's why you need to date in the first place. And in dating after one or two dates many people will simply decide there's something within the whole parameters of this other person that isn't what they want to continue pursuing. And the reasons for that are so broad and personal to each person that they can't be quantified.

 

You not going in for a kiss was not why she doesn't want to go back out with you. Nothing you said or did is why she doesn't want to go back out with you. The harsh fact is she simply isn't interested and is actually being nice enough to end it now before she leads you down a merry garden path to one day later on, after you've gotten even more attached, confess she wasn't that interested to begin with. And then walks off to pursue something else with someone she's more interested in.

 

Trust me, two dates in it stings, but you recover fast. Six months later? Yeah, you'll be like I was when that actually happened to me and be really angry and gutted that someone wasted your time for six months when they weren't that attracted to you all along simply because they decided to hold on to you until someone they liked better came along.

 

This is a very similar analogy to applying for jobs. I'm presuming you don't just apply for one job, decide it's the best job out there and nothing else will do, and if you don't get that job you're just going to keep after them and otherwise sit home all the time complaining about how they didn't give you a chance. No, you will (I hope anyways) go out and keep applying for other jobs, brush off the disappointment, decide that you don't have such a scarcity of resources that you have to pin your all on one thing that looked good for a brief moment. And if you don't get that one thing then life is over.

 

Same here, she's not interested. She did give you a chance by the way, she talked to you for a week and went on two dates with you, and for her it's enough to say nope. Trust me, you do not want her giving you a chance for six months and then telling you, "Well, I never was that into you to begin with, bye."

 

So move on. Line up more dates, keep looking for the person who wants you to keep asking them out, let all the others no matter how much they might look like "it" in the beginning to move on down the line. Because they aren't it and you have to realize she wasn't a good match if she doesn't want to see you again. It takes two to continue something, not just one, but two.

 

So right now let the sting fade, block and delete her, line up more dates and/or go do something you like with friends. This will fade soon enough.

 

P.S. Two weeks from now she's not magically going to decide she was wrong about someone she barely knew and wasn't interested in seeing again. You continuing to try contacting her will indicate to her that you get too attached too quickly and that's a red flag. She'll do what I did when that happened to me while I was single and dating, and block you and if you keep at it she'll report you to the authorities and pray she doesn't now have a stalker on her hands. Nothing is scarier than someone fixating you that you barely know. So don't contact her again. Move on. It's done.

[BlarneyStone]

There's probably more to this than the story suggests. When a girl autonomously invites you in, you had better make a move. She's giving you a big, fat green light.