Ex Texted me after 1 month NC

[CaliSunrise]

So a month ago I sent a farewell text to my ex saying that I loved her and that I wanted to be with her and that I could no longer be friends. I also heard through mutual friends that she wasn't happy without me. Now a month later she sends me a text saying "I want to be friends I don't want you to vanish from my life completely".

 

What should I say/do?

[Jaydunno]

So a month ago I sent a farewell text to my ex saying that I loved her and that I wanted to be with her and that I could no longer be friends. I also heard through mutual friends that she wasn't happy without me. Now a month later she sends me a text saying "I want to be friends I don't want you to vanish from my life completely".

 

What should I say/do?

 

If there are feelings still involved from you than it will not end well if you are friends.

 

This will only delay your healing process. Being "friends" after a breakup is something woman tend to want because it eases their pain. It's like they are still moving on but still have us there. However, you have to do this for you. Being friends will hurt you and will definitely kill any chances of gettting back together if that is what you want.

 

Don't lower yourself to that.

[Wolfshook]

Well,you should not respond and continue with your life, she just wants to make it easier for herself to let you go,but it's not good for your healing.

[Ayla08]

I second the above posts. Being friends is impossible of either of you have any feelings left for each other. Spare yourself the drama and don't respond.

[CaliSunrise]

I want to get back together, but I'm not going to be friends. I want to reply, I just don't know exactly what to say out how to put it.

[Jaydunno]

I want to get back together, but I'm not going to be friends. I want to reply, I just don't know exactly what to say out how to put it.

 

If you choose to not reply then you will be sending a message to her. "we can't be friends".

 

You already made it clear before so, what is the need to reply. I know how it feel, I been there. However, just ignore it and keep going with your healing.

 

This is part of No contact and don't even take it as you are being disrespectful or anything.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like this is her final offer-the friendzone. It may be best after this to go no contact.

I could no longer be friends. "I want to be friends I don't want you to vanish from my life completely"

[Clinton]

I want to get back together, but I'm not going to be friends. I want to reply, I just don't know exactly what to say out how to put it.

 

Tell her that unfortunately friendship just can't work but if she ever changes her mind, to give you a call. Then move on as if it's over for good(which it in all likelihood will be)

[ParisPaulette]

You tell her friendship only is still off the table and you need to wait it out until you no longer have any romantic feelings for her, period.

 

I'm sorry, but she doesn't get to demand that you comfort her through her breakup. If she truly, truly, TRULY couldn't live without you in her life there'd have been no breakup.

 

Agreeing to be her emotional tampon until she finds some other guy is not something you want to do or you'll end up gutted times ten from the initial breakup. So maintain your boundary. If she's unhappy she needs to accept the consequences of her action, not act like a child who wants everything her way.

 

Seriously folks, what is up with that. I see way too much of this and it's starting to really gall me. It's just kind of pure selfishness to break up with someone, hurt them, then go on and about how they should keep being "friends" and being able to enjoy all the benefits with nothing in return. (Sorry, a bit of a rant there, but no don't accept a demotion from lover to friend, ever.)

 

You just deserve better, everyone does.

[shiner501]

Tell her that unfortunately friendship just can't work but if she ever changes her mind, to give you a call. Then move on as if it's over for good(which it in all likelihood will be)

 

^^^^this^^^^

No need for silly mind games. I don't believe in ignoring people, exes included.

[shiner501]

I want to get back together, but I'm not going to be friends. I want to reply, I just don't know exactly what to say out how to put it.

 

You tell her there is no way you are going to be "just a friend". If romance and physical intimacy is off the table then you are not interested and to call you if she changes her mind. You tell her exactly that and move on as if she is history.

[gypsybird87]

My ex also wants to be friends, and panicked when I said no and put NC in place. So far neither one of us have broken it, but if I got a text like that from him, I would respond "I don't want you to vanish from my life either, but as I stated before, I cannot be just friends. If you want to discuss getting back together, let me know. If not, there is really nothing more to say."

[shiner501]

My ex also wants to be friends, and panicked when I said no and put NC in place. So far neither one of us have broken it, but if I got a text like that from him, I would respond "I don't want you to vanish from my life either, but as I stated before, I cannot be just friends. If you want to discuss getting back together, let me know. If not, there is really nothing more to say."

 

Perfectly said.

 

I would also add you tell them that unless they wish to get back together then please do not contact you for any reason and that you are moving on. You then do NOT contact them anymore; you go 100% NC unless they contact you first.

 

This is a statement of your heart, your intent and purpose. You must tell them this and mean it from your heart. As an aside, it is surprisingly effective if you WANT to reconcile.

[shessofly]

Gee that's not selfish of her at all.

 

She's unhappy...boo hoo. I agree with letting her know that you are not interested in being her friend and not to contact you again unless...

[shiner501]

Gee that's not selfish of her at all.

 

She's unhappy...boo hoo. I agree with letting her know that you are not interested in being her friend and not to contact you again unless...

 

Indeed. Great use of sarcasm shessofly! I like it!

Who do these people think they are? Dump their partner but, boo-hoo, can I be your friend instead?! And, like, we are meant to hang around with that arrangement whilst they go and explore their new "single" life and be ready and available if this "being single" or "grass is greener" lark doesn't quite work out the way they thought it would?! What do they take us for? It's insulting. NC 100% completely from your side. If they reach out listen to what they say objectively if you feel you want to.

[gypsybird87]

I agree with she and shiner. Asking to stay friends is very selfish on their part. I told my ex I am a whole person, not a half. He can't reject the parts of me he's no longer interested in (love, affection, sex) and expect to keep the parts he does want (hanging out, friends etc). That's called cake eating and he doesn't deserve that kind of luxury at my emotional expense.

 

I read somewhere that staying friends is easier on the dumper and causes the dumpee pain. On the flip side, NC is easier on the dumpee and causes the dumper pain. Not that I want to cause him "pain" per se, but yeah... I'll go with the second option.