She's not answering, need advice

[jackminton]

Hello everyone!

 

Long story short, I met this a girl a couple of weeks ago and we dated three times, everything seemed to be going well, we went along quite well and slept together once.

She did sort of complain that I never wrote to her during the week, saying that when we saw each other it was amazing but that she was wondering how into her I really was (tbh I really don't know yet, I like her and have a good time with her but we basically just met each other), but honestly I don't see the point of texting endlessly back and forth while you've only just begun dating.. I would only ask her out for a date and that'd be it.

It's not like she ever really initiated contact with me on her own, and when she did I always replied promptly.

 

Last time I wrote to her to ask her out I told her I would be a bit busy during the weekend (when we usually see each other) cause a (female) friend of mine was visiting me from abroad. She immediately asked me who she was and if we were just friends and I said yes of course and that she shouldn't worry (which is the truth) and asked her out again for Monday. To which she never replied, and this was three days ago.

 

I do understand where she's coming from but honestly I don't feel like I did anything wrong and I'm quite perplexed by this reaction. Not sure if I should chase her and pursue this any further. But then again perhaps I'm wrong and I was an * without realizing and her reaction is justified So I'd like to hear you guys opinion on this.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like she wanted more of a connection particularly after sleeping together and perceived your treatment as more akin to booty-call. Only bother contacting her if you plan on being a bit more attentive in between dates.

I met this a girl a couple of weeks ago and we dated three times and slept together once.She did sort of complain that I never wrote to her during the week. I would only ask her out for a date and that'd be it.

[ThatwasThen]

I probably wouldn't contact you again either. You blew her off for another female. If this girl is only a friend, then why would you not invite the girl you have been pursuing to join you and perhaps even invite a male friend so that it was a nice cozy foursome of two men and two woman/ two friends and one potential romantic partner?

 

How long have you known this female friend that you blew off a potential romantic partner for?

 

Anyway, I'm all for truthfulness and full disclosure but maybe in future you may not want to tell a potential that you're blowing her off for another woman (no matter what the dynamic of your connection to that other woman may be) until she's been introduced to your friend and you have committed yourself to the potential. You likely made her feel undervalued and that you were playing her and she may be thinking she best cut her losses before you shred her.

[HeartGoesOn]

It looks like she felt that sleeping together made for an instant relationship. Unfortunately many learn the hard way that they can't skip over the getting to know you stage, hop into bed and call it what they'd like it to be.

 

Since you barely know each other, it is what it is. In short, if you chose to stay together, I would take the time to see if this is going anywhere first and foremost.

[Hollyj]

Dude, you slept with her and couldn't be bothered to reach out during the week!!!!!

 

If I only heard from someone once a week - requesting a date - I would assume that he was not very interested. I would think that he may would want to get to know me better by reaching out in-between dates.

 

Step it up!!!!!! Your actions clearly show that you were not interested in getting to know her.

[jackminton]

How long have you known this female friend that you blew off a potential romantic partner for?

Like a couple of years and she's actually here for work anyway and visiting friends in the meantime.

 

Thanks for your perspective on this, I think she actually blocked my number though so I guess I blew it already. Seems like an overreaction to me though. Oh well.

[Wiseman2]

And there you have it. At least you found out it wasn't compatible in just a couple weeks. Do you think she thought this was more than it really was?

I think she actually blocked my number though so I guess I blew it

[jackminton]

And there you have it. At least you found out it wasn't compatible in just a couple weeks. Do you think she thought this was more than it really was?

Don't know, I guess she was looking for attention more than anything else. So weird though, she went from super loving to excluding me from her life within a week and without even seeing each other in the meantime.

[Hollyj]

You're clueless!

 

Too bad that you did not learn something from this!

[ThatwasThen]

Like a couple of years and she's actually here for work anyway and visiting friends in the meantime.

 

Thanks for your perspective on this, I think she actually blocked my number though so I guess I blew it already. Seems like an overreaction to me though. Oh well.

Well, if I'm right in my "guess

It wasn't an over-reaction. It was what a girl worth having, a girl with a good sense of personal boundaries does when a guy she's bopping blows her off for another woman. Anyone with self-respect wouldn't give a guy she hardly knows a chance to break her heart by having a fairly new female friend that you let take priority over her. Besides, you had sex and you didn't bother to call her until you were able to have another date/go? That's not showing care. (even if you are just starting out.) Best to chuck a guy early then to get emotionally involved with someone who has raised a red flag or has made you feel unimportant for another woman.

[crowleysgirl]

The point of texting back and forth throughout the week is to learn more about each other! From her perspective, you probably seemed disinterested and she probably got particularly worried about that after she slept with you and it looked like it was basically just a booty call.

 

The biggest blunder here though, was bringing up that you weren't going to hang out with her and instead hang out with some other girl. If you really did want to hang with this other girl as just friends, and also wanted to preserve your romantic relationship, why on Earth didn't you at least invite your girlfriend along so she could meet her and least not have to worry or feel disrespected?

[Hollyj]

The point of texting back and forth throughout the week is to learn more about each other! From her perspective, you probably seemed disinterested and she probably got particularly worried about that after she slept with you and it looked like it was basically just a booty call.

 

The biggest blunder here though, was bringing up that you weren't going to hang out with her and instead hang out with some other girl. If you really did want to hang with this other girl as just friends, and also wanted to preserve your romantic relationship, why on Earth didn't you at least invite your girlfriend along so she could meet her and least not have to worry or feel disrespected?

 

How about picking up the phone.

[ThatwasThen]

How about picking up the phone.

 

Gotta agree with that. Texting is a rather superficial way to get to know someone. Even so, it's far better then nothing I suppose. I do agree with the rest of your post, Crowley.

[crowleysgirl]

How about picking up the phone.

 

Yes, I realize actually speaking on the phone would be an easier method of communication. It just makes sense that if texting is the most common method of communication one uses, then that is how they would be trying to communicate with someone. Regardless, the important thing is that he wasn't trying to reach out to during the week other than to plan a date. So they were essentially booty calls.

[Hollyj]

Yes, I realize actually speaking on the phone would be an easier method of communication. It just makes sense that if texting is the most common method of communication one uses, then that is how they would be trying to communicate with someone. Regardless, the important thing is that he wasn't trying to reach out to during the week other than to plan a date. So they were essentially booty calls.

 

I know. I am totally guilty of this with friends: lazy communication.

 

I can't imagine trying to get to know someone by text, but know it is common.

 

Totally agree with reaching out during the week. If I were dating/sleeping with someone who only contacted for dates, it would be over pretty quick.

[jackminton]

I just didn't think that hosting a friend would the that big of a deal. The very fact that I made no attempt to hide it should have proved that I wasn't up to anything. Guess I was wrong.

 

Also why should it be up to me to get in touch with her anyway? I asked her out on all dates and I texted her first after the 2nd and 3rd date (she texted first after the first one). Just because I'm the guy I'm supposed to chase her? I just wanted to keep it casual and see where it was going, it's not like I ever took any commitment with her, we never even talked about anything relationship-themed.

[mustlovedogs]

So she reached out first once and you reached out first twice.

 

What's one more time? Remember girls have to battle the words like crazy and clingy. She may have been trying to avoid that.

 

Anyway, you don't seem like you're ready for a relationship.

[ThatwasThen]

I just didn't think that hosting a friend would the that big of a deal. The very fact that I made no attempt to hide it should have proved that I wasn't up to anything. Guess I was wrong.

 

Also why should it be up to me to get in touch with her anyway? I asked her out on all dates and I texted her first after the 2nd and 3rd date (she texted first after the first one). Just because I'm the guy I'm supposed to chase her? I just wanted to keep it casual and see where it was going, it's not like I ever took any commitment with her, we never even talked about anything relationship-themed.

 

Maybe we are all wrong then. Maybe she simply didn't like the sex?

[jackminton]

So she reached out first once and you reached out first twice.

 

What's one more time?

I did reach out, as explained in the OP, and after that brief exchange of texts on the friend I was hosting she never replied.

 

 

Maybe we are all wrong then. Maybe she simply didn't like the sex?

She said she had a great time and all of that and only turned cold after I told her about my friend so I don't think that's it.

[SoulTaker]

I just didn't think that hosting a friend would the that big of a deal. The very fact that I made no attempt to hide it should have proved that I wasn't up to anything. Guess I was wrong.

 

Also why should it be up to me to get in touch with her anyway? I asked her out on all dates and I texted her first after the 2nd and 3rd date (she texted first after the first one). Just because I'm the guy I'm supposed to chase her? I just wanted to keep it casual and see where it was going, it's not like I ever took any commitment with her, we never even talked about anything relationship-themed.

 

I'm in agreement with you on this one. You've only gone on 3 dates. It takes two to tango. It was her decision to sleep with you without establishing any boundaries, or first going for "exclusivity". Since there were no agreements in place, you had the right to do whatever you want.

 

People are not mind readers. It looks like she doesn't have a clue in how to date (acting "casually", while wanting to be "exclusive").

[ThatwasThen]

I'm in agreement with you on this one. You've only gone on 3 dates. It takes two to tango. It was her decision to sleep with you without establishing any boundaries, or first going for "exclusivity". Since there were no agreements in place, you had the right to do whatever you want.

No one is disputing that. It is his insensitivity that is in question.

People are not mind readers. It looks like she doesn't have a clue in how to date (acting "casually", while wanting to be "exclusive").

Again, she didn't "act" any which way but with good personal boundaries... or, someone who just didn't like the sex???? Or, someone who was just out for one thing, got it and is now gone onto the next. Or, someone who just ghosts when she doesn't feel a connection. So many variables, no sense him dwelling on it and just get on with his dating.

[jackminton]

Well I wrote to her on facebook telling her that I had a good time and wish her good luck with everything. Guess that's it! Thank you guys for your input

[Ms Darcy]

Don't know, I guess she was looking for attention more than anything else. So weird though, she went from super loving to excluding me from her life within a week and without even seeing each other in the meantime.

 

Yes, I think she was looking for more attention. She specifically asked for it and you basically said no. At least a phone call during the week would show interest.

[SoulTaker]

No one is disputing that. It is his insensitivity that is in question.

Again, she didn't "act" any which way but with good personal boundaries... or, someone who just didn't like the sex???? Or, someone who was just out for one thing, got it and is now gone onto the next. Or, someone who just ghosts when she doesn't feel a connection. So many variables, no sense him dwelling on it and just get on with his dating.

 

She immediately asked me who she was and if we were just friends and I said yes of course and that she shouldn't worry (which is the truth) and asked her out again for Monday. To which she never replied, and this was three days ago.

 

She said she had a great time and all of that and only turned cold after I told her about my friend so I don't think that's it.

 

TWT, what is your point? My update was directed to the Op, and he knows exactly what I was stating. There are no variables. He just started dating this woman. He was honest in telling her that a female friend was visiting her, and she reacted negatively.

 

As far as any insensitivity, go back and read what I was responding to. It was only about the part where he tried to set up another date with her, and she never replied back (after he told her about the friend visiting him). That is what I was focusing on. There is nothing in your retort, that relates to that area. So, I disagree on your viewpoint.

[Wiseman2]

Next time if you sleep with them be clear on what it is....casual, exclusive, whatever etc. That way it won't backfire.

Don't know, I guess she was looking for attention more than anything else. So weird though, she went from super loving to excluding me from her life within a week and without even seeing each other in the meantime.