I suck

[Oddness]

21 years old and never had a girlfriend. What the hell is wrong with me?

 

I perform well in only one type of situation: familiar environments. I'm confident and can talk good at school and work, because I know those places. But when i'm around someone i don't know, or worse yet i'm with someone i don't know in a strange place... i just shut down.

 

I think my friends would be surprised if they found out i've never had a girlfriend... i've been approached, even asked out, by numerous girls, but i always manage to screw it up. Yesterday was the kicker, i've never been more mad at myself.

 

Just needed to vent

[VictorWard]

Yesterday was the kicker, i've never been more mad at myself.

What happened yesterday?

[Oddness]

Yesterday was the kicker, i've never been more mad at myself.

What happened yesterday?

 

 

Welllllll, yesterday was last day before spring break in one of my class. So i had it all rehearsed on how i was gonna ask someone out who i've had a crush on. You know how conversations never go how you rehearse? Well this one did, right up until the point i was supposed to ask her out lol.

 

So we got to our cars and all I could say was "See ya later!" I dunno what happened, it just wouldn't come out. I'm 99 percent sure she likes me... she hasn't tried to hide it. Not much in this world scares me like the opposite sex!!!

[VictorWard]

Welllllll, yesterday was last day before spring break in one of my class. So i had it all rehearsed on how i was gonna ask someone out who i've had a crush on. You know how conversations never go how you rehearse? Well this one did, right up until the point i was supposed to ask her out lol.

I'm definitely not the best person to be giving advice on this topic, but I would suggest not rehearsing what you're going to say.

Like any fear, the only way to beat it is to face it head on.

[Towny]

Instead of "going in for the kill", try just asking if she wants to meet out at a bar with your friends or other similar social place. Take the pressure off of yourself and get her to come someplace that you feel comfortable in. Don't rehearse anything either: you'll end up going off track just like you said you did and you'll end up flustered. Just remember to listen more than you talk. You'll be surprised how well the conversation goes.

 

If you still get nervous, try treating her like one of your guy friends at first Don't be embarrased to bring up certain subjects just because she's a girl. It's better for you to be open and be able to talk about anything. If she's cool, then she'll enjoy your company because you aren't a wallflower. Just don't take the buddy thing too far or you'll end up being her "friend" and not her "boyfriend". Break the ice in a familiar setting with your buddies (or hers) and then take her out alone somewhere.

[Riles84]

Dude i used to be the same way, but once you ask someone and they say yes, its all down hill from there. NOw i can jsut strike up conversations with any girl at any time. Just dont be so hard on yourself, think positive and show that confidence.

[Oddness]

well the problem is the only time i really see her is after our advanced calc class on the way to the parking lot.... that's it.

 

I'm just afraid after school i'll never have anymore opprotunities, gives me kind of a sense of urgency to find someone or atleast get better.

 

If "every single" one of my friends wasn't engaged or in a relationship i might not feel like such a loser. Oh what sucks to is my 2 best friends are, in my honest opinion, less physicaly attractive then i think most girls would find me, yet because they don't suck they are both engaged to 2 incredible women.

 

I wonder how many guys actualy make it to 21 without ever having a girlfriend? It seems like the entire world is hooked up, because that's all i ever see.

[VictorWard]

If "every single" one of my friends wasn't engaged or in a relationship i might not feel like such a loser. Oh what sucks to is my 2 best friends are, in my honest opinion, less physicaly attractive then i think most girls would find me, yet because they don't suck they are both engaged to 2 incredible women.

One other thing to do is to try to avoid thinking negative thoughts (such as telling yourself that you suck). Nothing positive is going to happen if this is what you tell yourself.

[Towny]

Trust me, a lot more guys than you think never had girlfriends until much later in life. But you will never hear about that, you only hear about the guys who have the notches under their belt. It's frustrating, but you have to remember that everybody is different and there are no hard and fast rules to dating. But practice makes perfect, or close enough.

 

PS. I heard that David Letterman didn't have sex until he was 30. Can't say I don't understand why...but, hey, you gotta be better looking than that, right?

[Oddness]

I'm not that concerned about sex ... If I wanted sex I know an area of town with some street hookers lol. I mean when it happens i'll definitly be all over that, but I'm more scared of being alone, sounds gay i know.

[Mr.Lowselfconfidence]

...but I'm more scared of being alone, sounds gay i know.

 

no it doesn't i feel the same way, i almost did today the exact thing you did....planned out talking to this girl i really like. and ya it came down to the ask her out part, but i said i wanted to get to know her first, then we would have our official date....anyway i hope this helps you out and lets ya know that there are people who are as shy as you n stuff.

[heloladies21]

Buddy, don't beat yourself up about this. My friend is 26 and just got into his 1st relationship. Take your time and relax. Seeing chances to ask women out and not taking them is part of the learning process. You'll soon start taking those chances and doing so without even thinking about it. Just don't get mad at yourself about it. This will just discourage you and it has a negative effect on you talking to girls. Really, just talk to this girl for the sake of conversation and let asking her out happen in the flow of the conversation (i would ask for her # first, and call her a few times before i ask her out).

 

No more beating yourself up about this. This is a very common problem. Plenty of men have this problem into their 30's and some have it their whole life! Some can't even have a conversation with girls because they're so scared. You're in much better shape than them.

[danielj]

Heh, I know how you feel Odd. I'm 20 years old and pretty much in the same situation. I'm the only one in my group of people that I know that has does not have or has never had a girlfriend as well.

 

The biggest problem for me now would be even if I did somehow find myself in a relationship, the chances of it being successful is pretty slim since I have never dated and probably have the relationship skills of a 14 year old. Not that I'm presented with many opportunities to even go out on a date. Judging from past experiences, I'm guessing that girls just generally find me unattractive, lol.

 

Anyways, just hanging in there and living life, whether we are lucky enough to share it with another or not, is just about all we can do.

[Oddness]

Really, just talk to this girl for the sake of conversation and let asking her out happen in the flow of the conversation (i would ask for her # first, and call her a few times before i ask her out)..

 

This is something I never understood... what's the difference between asking for a phone number and a date, and how do you ask for a #... then it seems like you'd have the problem of when to call and still have to ask. Ick

 

I've gotten over it today heh, i was really mad at myself for not asking. I guess i'll have another chance to try... if i didn't have to drive i'd drink some alcohol beforehand to loosen up heh.

 

One advantage to being gay is not always having to be the guy ... to bad guys are ugly

[heloladies21]

I didn't always understand this either, but most women build trust through communication (verbal or written). This is different than guys who build trust through doing activities. Going out on a date is a bigger emotional risk for her than just going out on a date right off the bat. You need to gain her trust first through talking to her on the phone a few times, then you can ask her out. It also makes you look more patient in advancing the relationship and women find this to be appealing. Most guys just want to go as fast as possible with women and they're turned off by this.

 

These are the rules of the game buddy and I didn't write them. Don't be mad about them, just learn the rules and use them to your advantage. You'll live a much happier life.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

21 years old and never had a girlfriend. What the hell is wrong with me?

 

I perform well in only one type of situation: familiar environments. I'm confident and can talk good at school and work, because I know those places. But when i'm around someone i don't know, or worse yet i'm with someone i don't know in a strange place... i just shut down.

 

I think my friends would be surprised if they found out i've never had a girlfriend... i've been approached, even asked out, by numerous girls, but i always manage to screw it up. Yesterday was the kicker, i've never been more mad at myself.

 

Just needed to vent

You think you suck? Get a whiff at my pathetic soul. I just turned 32 and never had a girlfriend, never been approached unless it's to ask out my best friends. Can you imagine girls you have crushes on asking you to ask your best friend out for them?! Most of my friends have girlfriends/wives and I have no one, not even a potential.

 

Remember, no matter how low your life is, there is someone who is lower. Behold.

[Oddness]

 

Remember, no matter how low your life is, there is someone who is lower. Behold.>>

 

What exactly is holding you back? I've personaly been out with 4 girls in my life... 3 of them asked me out, and i was setup with the other by a friend. I found them all attractive... physicaly, but had zero in common with them. I don't think 1-2 dates counts as a girlfriend, but atleast it covers my butt when my friends start prying into my personal life heh.

 

Have you tried online dating? I've never tried it, but if you're 32 you should be really throwing it out there i think. You're still young, so it's not hopeless, but by 32 I would be going after every possible method, personals, online listings, etc.

[Caldus]

I wonder how many guys actualy make it to 21 without ever having a girlfriend? It seems like the entire world is hooked up, because that's all i ever see.

 

There are tons of single girls around our age. It may not seem like it but it's true. You are ahead of so many guys by even talking to girls in the first place. Believe me on that one. I don't approach women very often but that's mainly because I'm selective about who I approach (kind of a bad thing sometimes). Seriously though, take it easy and relax. You're only 21. Don't make getting a girlfriend become an assignment for you. Let it happen naturally. It will happen naturally when you meet someone that really clicks well with you. It's not about finding a woman but about finding a special woman for you.

[Oddness]

>

 

I've tried to let it happen naturaly, that doesn't seem to get me anywhere. Guys are supposed to be the aggressors, I don't want to sit back and wait for someone to come to me. I know the problem is me ](*,)

[Caldus]

>

 

I've tried to let it happen naturaly, that doesn't seem to get me anywhere. Guys are supposed to be the aggressors, I don't want to sit back and wait for someone to come to me. I know the problem is me ](*,)

 

I meant that you shouldn't try to jump into a relationship so quickly. Just try to form a friendship with the girl first. You sure as heck don't want to end up being with the wrong girl anyway. You really gotta be patient about this.

[Ceema-k]

Is it just me, or is 21 an incredibly young age to be engaged? Oddness, are your buddies christian?

 

Joking aside, I don't think you're in very bad shape at all. There are late-bloomers ALL OVER the place, but as someone said, you never see or hear about them. We only notice the guys and gals who are dating.. the people in the majority who do all the things that people in the majority tend to do.

 

You seem pretty self-aware and seem to be able to identify problems with yourself, so just keep trying. There are worse things in life than being 21 and having girls ask you out on dates, even if they don't lead into serious relationships!

[Oddness]

Well my 2 best friends are both 22... and are going to get married right after college(to girls aged 20 and 19.)

 

I don't think 22 is that young to get married... i mean after college I think it might be a lot harder to meet people.

 

Although I am a hardscience major so there's not many girls floating around the physics building. The history building thinks everyone in the math and science area are lepers or something.

 

I miss the freshman classes with 500 of the womens.

[wlfpack81]

Hey Oddnesss. I'm 23 (24 May 14th) and never had a g/f, date, kiss etc. So at least you're not to my level yet. I don't know how much more I can take. My problems w/shyness seem to be permenant which sucks.

[Oddness]

Hey Oddnesss. I'm 23 (24 May 14th) and never had a g/f, date, kiss etc. So at least you're not to my level yet. I don't know how much more I can take. My problems w/shyness seem to be permenant which sucks.

 

Well I have kissed before...

 

one time i was at work and with my friend, his girlfriend's best friend stopped by and saw me, and i guess thought I looked nice, she asked my friend if i was single (lol yea) and then she walked up to me and we basically rambled at eachother for a few min until my friend was like "omg just trade numbers already." The date went horribly 2 nights later, but at the end we ended up kissing (??) so the next day she told my friend that it was an absolutly horrible date, and i did agree. I still can't figure out why she initiated the kiss, women are weird.

 

I've decided, mainly in the past 2 days, my shyness is just really my fear of what others think of me, you know afraid of being a fool. I don't even care anymore if this girl says yes, I'm asking her the next time i see her(could be awhile ... spring break...) no scripted lines, no rehearsals in my head. Conquering this fear has proven more important to me than what anyone else could possibly think of me. I don't think your shyness has to be permanent, you know the problem, and identifying a problem is always the first step to a solution. I've realized 21 isn't old, neither is 23... the only time it's too late is when you're dead and that will probably be some time away.

 

Sooo yea, i'm asking this damned girl out i don't care if she pulls out a can of mace and sprays me in the eye and then gets on a loudspeaker and mocks me, i'll live. Big talk i know, hopefully i can follow through.