Is he trying to make me jealous?

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like you feel this way too. But to answer your question, he does not seem to want to get back together.

I think he still has feelings for me deep down but may still be hurting over the breakup and everything that happened

[boltnrun]

You don't care if he acts mature or not?

 

I see trouble ahead.

 

Since I don't know him I can't say why he did and said what he did or said. But my guess would be that he wants you to know he isn't sitting home pining away over you. And that he could "get" other women any time he wants to. And that you shouldn't think he still has feelings for you.

 

I don't see "trying to make you jealous" at all.

[Alicia59]

It sounds like you feel this way too. But to answer your question, he does not seem to want to get back together.

 

Well, my question was whether this was an attempt to make me jealous and/or get back at me. Because I used to flirt with people when we were together because I'm a flirty person, so this could be an attempt to take aim at me if he's still hurting.

 

Both of which imply that he still has feelings. Trust me, I've worked with a relationship expert and read four different books on getting back together. Little signs matter!

[ParisPaulette]

Why on earth would you even hope a guy who talked about buying sex in Asia, where the women are too many times just sex slaves anyways, was trying to make you jealous?

 

All he did was admit he's a walking STD factory. Run, don't walk, for the nearest exit. Guy is an (expletive).

 

And no, jealousy isn't an indication of feelings necessarily. Sometimes it's a much darker emotion of "How dare they try to move on before me" OR "I'm losing control of someone I thought would always be there whenever I wanted her, not the other way around" or even just that sort of little kid emotion of "I know I don't want that toy, but nobody else better want to play with it either. It's mine!"

 

Sorry, those aren't feelings of love. Neither is again bragging about bagging girls who have absolutely no say in whether or not they sleep with you, because they may be beaten or tortured if they say no. And bragging about how many women you're bagging?

 

Go flirt, stop worrying about what he thinks, advise him to go to the clinic for a checkup. Examine why you aren't out celebrating being free of this jackaninny.

[Alicia59]

Why on earth would you even hope a guy who talked about buying sex in Asia, where the women are too many times just sex slaves anyways, was trying to make you jealous?

 

All he did was admit he's a walking STD factory. Run, don't walk, for the nearest exit. Guy is an (expletive).

 

Huh? He didn't sleep with anyone.

[Alicia59]

You don't care if he acts mature or not?

 

I see trouble ahead.

 

Since I don't know him I can't say why he did and said what he did or said. But my guess would be that he wants you to know he isn't sitting home pining away over you. And that he could "get" other women any time he wants to. And that you shouldn't think he still has feelings for you.

 

I don't see "trying to make you jealous" at all.

 

Except that's all a show...and if it's for my benefit, then again it implies he still cares. Why else would he put in that effort? He's been talking about me to his friends and our mutual friends for 8 months. Hate isn't the opposite of love; apathy is. You don't talk about someone you don't care about.

[ParisPaulette]

You don't know that. People don't general go to Asia and look at prostitutes, brag about it, and not have sampled.

 

Just bragging about it shows enough immaturity and viewing women as sex objects that I'm really surprised you weren't immediately turned off. Gross.

 

And like I said they put on a show sometimes, because it's that "I don't want her, but I don't want anyone else to either."

 

Or maybe he does care, but do you want to be with someone who chooses that method to show they still care? What's wrong with, "I miss you, I screwed up, please can we talk things out instead?" You know, like a mature person would?

[Alicia59]

You don't know that. People don't general go to Asia and look at prostitutes, brag about it, and not have sampled.

 

Just bragging about it shows enough immaturity and viewing women as sex objects that I'm really surprised you weren't immediately turned off. Gross.

 

And like I said they put on a show sometimes, because it's that "I don't want her, but I don't want anyone else to either."

 

Or maybe he does care, but do you want to be with someone who chooses that method to show they still care? What's wrong with, "I miss you, I screwed up, please can we talk things out instead?" You know, like a mature person would?

 

He didn't screw up; I did. And I do know him and know he didn't do anything with anyone there. I don't need to defend that any further because it's irrelevant to my question.

[boltnrun]

If you already know that he was trying to make you jealous, and you know for a fact (due to your reading of the "Get your ex back!!" books) that he's doing all this because he loves and misses you and wants you back...why ask the question?

[Alicia59]

If you already know that he was trying to make you jealous, and you know for a fact (due to your reading of the "Get your ex back!!" books) that he's doing all this because he loves and misses you and wants you back...why ask the question?

 

I only suspect it was intentionally to make me jealous; I don't know for sure...so I simply wanted others' opinions to see if you all, also, view these particular actions as being designed to make me jealous. They seem like they are, but it's important to get other feedback. I've already asked the friends who were at these parties and they think so as well, based on what they saw, but I wanted to get more opinions.

[Shane Falco]

I'm sure he doesn't secretly want to right now. I'm saying if he is trying to make me jealous, that could be a possible sign he still has feelings and could be interested. I want to get back in contact regularly and start rebuilding attraction and get him interested in me once again.

 

This isn't sixth grade, where you pop the bra of the girl you like as a clumsy show of interest. If anything, he's taunting you and rubbing your face in it, if there's any meaning to it at all (there probably isn't). Even if that was a sign of interest (which is isn't unless you're a teenager), why would you want to be with someone who is behaving in such a manner?

[Wiseman2]

If you became jealous it's because that's how you felt because you want him back. Maybe he was just having a good time. Your feeling jealous has nothing to do with his feelings only how his actions made you feel. If he wanted you back he would contact you and ask to see you and talk about things, not show up at a party having a great time with other women.

Well, my question was whether this was an attempt to make me jealous and/or get back at me. Both of which imply that he still has feelings.

[ThatwasThen]

This is the getting back together forum, is it not? Want to get back together obviously..

Its a getting back together forum but you're not getting back together. His actions do not indicate that he wants to get back together. Seems all his bragging indicate is that he's not someone who most of us would want to get back with due to his immaturity and his lack of filter.

We aren't you though so to each their own.

[boltnrun]

I've talked about my ex a lot. And yes, I do have feelings toward him. However, none of them are good feelings. And I CERTAINLY don't want him back.

 

One of my really good friends is another ex of my ex. We sometimes talk about him because we had similar experiences with him. Plus we both are relieved we're no longer caught in that situation of wanting him to love us and us twisting into pretzels trying to keep his attention. At least she has the excuse of being a teenager at the time she was with him! I was much older.

 

Anyway...my point is that yes, you can still have feelings toward someone, but they're not always nostalgic feelings of "I wish we could work it out and be together". Sometimes it's anger, sometimes it's regret, sometimes it's a feeling of loss. But those feelings don't always equate to wanting to be back together.

[Starseed98]

I think he is over you.

 

I did the same with my ex. Avoided him, didn't see him for months etc. i got over my ex and it sounds like yours has gotten over you. he has reached indifference and is just being himself.

 

The fact that he shows up to events doesn't mean a thing. Small world.

 

If you do want him back, talk to him about it. At least you would know and not have to play these games with him and wouldn't need to over analyze some wishful thinking.

[greta96]

You don't talk about someone you don't care about.

 

Nor do you dump them.

You're missing the big picture here: he had you but chose to let you go.

[BlarneyStone]

This isn't sixth grade, where you pop the bra of the girl you like as a clumsy show of interest. If anything, he's taunting you and rubbing your face in it, if there's any meaning to it at all (there probably isn't). Even if that was a sign of interest (which is isn't unless you're a teenager), why would you want to be with someone who is behaving in such a manner?

 

Idk man I'm 24 and popping that bra off seems to do the trick still.

[Alicia59]

I think he is over you.

 

I did the same with my ex. Avoided him, didn't see him for months etc. i got over my ex and it sounds like yours has gotten over you. he has reached indifference and is just being himself.

 

The fact that he shows up to events doesn't mean a thing. Small world.

 

If you do want him back, talk to him about it. At least you would know and not have to play these games with him and wouldn't need to over analyze some wishful thinking.

 

I'd much prefer to be open and talk about it, but that's not how this breakup has worked. It's been a lot of back and forth, him telling people he's over me right afterwards then I find out it was all a show and he was still in love with me, yada yada, his friend didn't want him to see me and he "got in trouble" with the guy when we slept together, idk it's been a ton of drama but I'm his only serious relationship and he was SO in love with me that I have a feeling he isn't quite over me just yet.

[Shane Falco]

I'd much prefer to be open and talk about it, but that's not how this breakup has worked. It's been a lot of back and forth, him telling people he's over me right afterwards then I find out it was all a show and he was still in love with me, yada yada, his friend didn't want him to see me and he "got in trouble" with the guy when we slept together, idk it's been a ton of drama but I'm his only serious relationship and he was SO in love with me that I have a feeling he isn't quite over me just yet.

 

There's a lot of wishful thinking going on here, almost of the point of willful delusion. You're being quite arrogant in thinking that he's hung up on you. From what I've read, it seems like there's more built-up resentment than anything else. And no, that's not a good thing as far as reconciliation.

[superfan]

More often than not when people go to advice but preface it by saying "and don't tell me X, Y, or Z" it's because they themselves know that is the correct form of action and just don't want to accept it. They want people to tell them what they want to hear instead.

 

You want people here to tell you that this guy wants you back and is playing these games to illicit your interest. You want to hear that because you want him back.

 

Here's what you don't want to hear: he may be playing games, but it's not to win you back and if it was, doing it that way just shows extreme emotional immaturity. Likewise with hoping to win back a guy who hasn't spoken to you for 4 months.

 

Remember that you broke up for a reason. Move on. He's already done so.

[ThatwasThen]

him telling people he's over me right afterwards then I find out it was all a show and he was still in love with me

Just because he may still harbour some feelings for you, it doesn't mean he wants you back as his girlfriend, though. Lots of people are smart enough to leave people they still love because they have the personal insight and self-love to know that being with that person (they love) will be detrimental to their own emotional health due to the dysfunction and incompatibility.

 

Please do yourself a favor, love Yourself enough to do the mental work you need to get over him and stop stagnating yourself in this hope and wishful thinking. Time to start doing the mental work you need to do to get over him so that you'll be open in heart and mind to find someone that loves you AND who doesn't want to break up with you.

 

He knows where you are if he wants you and if he wants you, trust me, he will tell you that so that his words and his actions match and you have no doubt what his intentions are. Whoever told you it "doesn't work that way" is just fueling your hope.

[Wiseman2]

Perhaps not but he certainly doesn't contact you or make any effort to reconcile.

I have a feeling he isn't quite over me just yet.