I don't know what to do

[Itaze]

This is a serious one for me and i would really appreaciate your opinions/feedback/advice!

I just got an inbox from a close friend of my girlfriend (of 2 months).

Lets call my girlfriend Natasha and her friend Cherry.

This is basically what she said in a nutshell :

Cherry threw a party at her house, they were both drinking. Cherry went out for a while and eventually came back to find my girlfriend Natasha extremely drunk. According to Cherry, she was 'blind drunk' as Natasha was slurring and could hardly stand up. Cherry went into her room, smoked up, and then went to sleep. She assumed that Natasha had gone home because she wasn't in her bed (where she always sleeps when she stay over there).

2 days after the party, Cherry's guy friend(who had been there that night) sent her a message saying that he had sex with Natasha. Cherry relayed his message to her but Natasha said that she had no recollection or memory of that night.

 

I don't know what I am feeling. It's a mixture of many emotions and it's stressing me out.

I am 110% open to any advice.

At the moment, i have thought of 3 options.

Please keep in mind that im really very serious.

1- Meet up with the guy, ask him for his story, if he tells me that he raped her, i'll without hesitation, end up asking him to fight me one on one. I am confident I can win.

 

2- Severe all ties and remove Natasha from my life (There is a something in my heart and mind telling me that she cheated on me, and is accusing the other guy for sexually assaulting her as an excuse, we have only been dating for 2 months and although I don't want this scenario to be true, I can't help but feel she might have done this if she was that drunk)

 

3- Talk to Natasha, she will probabably say what her friend Cherry said IF she did sleep with him. Basically brush it off, don't fight the guy, and continue our relationship.

When we have sex, it's awesome, but I can't imagine having sex with her again knowing she did sleep with another guy. It's painful to think about.

 

These past few months have been great though, I have gained alot of respect for Natasha and grown to really like her. However, this early into our relationship, these emotions that I have towards her are not strong enough to be called love. And the respect i once held has now diminished.

 

What do I do?!

 

I really, really appreaciate any comments and also thank you for taking the time and listening to my babbling.

Thank you so much,

Itaze

[missmarple]

Well, even if he did rape her, he wouldn't tell you. However, if he had indeed raped her, would he have told his gf about it? Hard to believe. I think the truth is somewhere in the middle. Your gf was drunk, he probably was drunk, too, and they had sex.

If I were you, I would be more worried about her drinking habits than her having slept with someone else..because, in this particular case, and when she says she has no recollection of the night, there's no way to get to the bottom of things.

[greta96]

I would first question Cherry's motives for doing what she did. Something fishy there.

[Wiseman2]

It's a lot of hearsay until you have a talk with Natasha. At this point you don't know why she is even messaging you this. It sounds like Cherry is a drama queen. You don't know if her story is bs or if her guy friend's story is bs or both. The entire story sounds like nonsense.

 

The part about "she won't remember anything" sounds like a set up so you actually believe all this, thinking your gf can't remember sleeping with the guy. Talk to your gf and ask her how the party went.

[OliviaPope]

This is a situation where you need to ask yourself if this is the kind of thing you will continue to see as a recurring theme in your relationship? It is hard to feel safe to be vulnerable when you think your partner has the propensity to cheat, her friends seemingly are all too willing to reach out to you and cause you drama.

 

Talk to your gf. Tell her, honestly, how you feel. Share with her what her friend told you and ask her your remaining questions. Maybe broach the subject of couples counseling and individual counseling.

[bulletproof]

I think you should speak directly to your girlfriend. If this is in fact true, that's pretty horrendous. I'm not sure why her friend would lie?

 

Please don't go confront or fight the guy. That will probably make things a lot worse.

[FlashEng1]

This is a serious one for me and i would really appreaciate your opinions/feedback/advice!

I just got an inbox from a close friend of my girlfriend (of 2 months).

Lets call my girlfriend Natasha and her friend Cherry.

This is basically what she said in a nutshell :

Cherry threw a party at her house, they were both drinking. Cherry went out for a while and eventually came back to find my girlfriend Natasha extremely drunk. According to Cherry, she was 'blind drunk' as Natasha was slurring and could hardly stand up. Cherry went into her room, smoked up, and then went to sleep. She assumed that Natasha had gone home because she wasn't in her bed (where she always sleeps when she stay over there).

2 days after the party, Cherry's guy friend(who had been there that night) sent her a message saying that he had sex with Natasha. Cherry relayed his message to her but Natasha said that she had no recollection or memory of that night.

 

I don't know what I am feeling. It's a mixture of many emotions and it's stressing me out.

I am 110% open to any advice.

At the moment, i have thought of 3 options.

Please keep in mind that im really very serious.

1- Meet up with the guy, ask him for his story, if he tells me that he raped her, i'll without hesitation, end up asking him to fight me one on one. I am confident I can win.

 

2- Severe all ties and remove Natasha from my life (There is a something in my heart and mind telling me that she cheated on me, and is accusing the other guy for sexually assaulting her as an excuse, we have only been dating for 2 months and although I don't want this scenario to be true, I can't help but feel she might have done this if she was that drunk)

 

3- Talk to Natasha, she will probabably say what her friend Cherry said IF she did sleep with him. Basically brush it off, don't fight the guy, and continue our relationship.

When we have sex, it's awesome, but I can't imagine having sex with her again knowing she did sleep with another guy. It's painful to think about.

 

These past few months have been great though, I have gained alot of respect for Natasha and grown to really like her. However, this early into our relationship, these emotions that I have towards her are not strong enough to be called love. And the respect i once held has now diminished.

 

What do I do?!

 

I really, really appreaciate any comments and also thank you for taking the time and listening to my babbling.

Thank you so much,

Itaze

 

Damn... crazy situation Itaze... crazzzzzy situation!! But let's definitely re-think and rationalize your options for a moment.

 

1 - Man to man, don't do it unless you're ready for the consequences.. There are some straight savages out there, and you don't know anything about a man and who he knows or what he's done unless he's your best friend or immediate family member. These days people don't fight one on one. They pull out weapons, or their friends come by the next day to teach lessons. You're not fighting him for any other reason than to huff and puff your dominance over him. Unless he did something in front of you, fighting for and demanding respect for you or your girlfriend needs to happen differently in this situation. People get shot over bar fights.. this has rape, prison time, and more tied to it so imagine (no matter how unbelievable) for a second things getting worse.

 

2 - Wow.. talk about a jump in options.. You would either go to jail or get killed over an idea or principle that's going on in your head, or just walk away from your girlfriend entirely, with the suspicion that she's lying??? Though that sucks to jump in options like this, it actually helps in knowing what's really going on in your head. You guys are fresh and new, and you're not sure you trust her entirely. That speaks volumes.. How long do you plan on "seeing how things go" with her before deciding you trust her 100%? Is that even necessary? I would really work some things out mentally first (making sure your head game really is in this relationship or not for example) before really going to the best option...:

 

3 - Yes. Talk to your girlfriend. Find out from talking with her what's really going on and what really could have happened, as well as how she responds to you when discussing everything. Before making any real decision, I'd recommend sitting down and talking with her, and letting her know exactly how you feel given the recent news. Especially since it came from a different person altogether. There's so much shadiness going on from everything, I would personally have a talk with her, already leaning toward leaving but clearing the air.

[HeartGoesOn]

What you have here is a girlfriend who enjoys getting "blind drunk," her troublemaker friend, and a boat load of doubt. With that said and after only two months in, your best option is to cut your losses and run, (imo).

[Itaze]

Mismarple,Greta,Wiseman,Olivia,Bulletproof,Heartgoeson and the homie Flash, thank you all for your advice. My mind was cloudy when I wrote this but after reading what you have to say I am now at ease. Calm and confident. I know what I will do. Thank you my dear friends, as you have all really helped me out, and I hope to meet people as real and understanding as you further up the road of life.

 

I will let you know what happened,

Itaze