Breaking up and loosing apartment

[Lotusavx]

my boyfriend of 4 years left me and our apartment. I'm moving in a month with my mother as I can't afford the apartment on my own. He moved out completely and I'm stuck for a month. Waking up withou him, coming home after work to no one here and cooking alone is so painful. Mornings are the worst. I can't adjust to knowing he isn't coming home. And I'm so sad about having to move loosing the beautiful apartment I've lived in for 3 years. The breakup is one thing, but leaving and loosing the life we shared here is so sad..I'm so broken. And I don't feel like I will be over this for a year. Is it possible not to move on at all? Thabks

[Wiseman2]

Can you get a roommate?

I'm so sad about having to move loosing the beautiful apartment

[ambreaux405]

I felt the exact same way!

I would never have been able to stay in our home after we broke up. I made sure I was the one moving out because I have too much emotional attachment to all the things that made up the life I thought we were going to have together. To this day, I can't even bring myself to drive past the house and know that others are living in my home.

But once you are moved out, things will get easier. Yes, you will get over this. It takes time. It may take months, or even a year. I am coming up on a year this summer and I am not completely over things...but there are way more good days than bad! Life is beautiful and worth living you just have to love yourself. I have learned to enjoy being by myself for now, getting to know myself, having the freedom that I haven't had for a few years.

You will feel better!

[Lotusavx]

Thank you so much. It's still so fresh only has been a week... I miss him so much. Thank you for your support

[surfdiva]

 

You need to remind yourself that you *feel* broken but you arent broken. Trust me, you will get through this. My husband of 17 years left me out of the blue and I literally thought I was going to die, but I didn't. It takes a LOT of time but you will get through it, change things around the apartment if you can stay (roommate?).

 

I'm so so sorry you're hurting, please come and vent here whenever you need to. It helps.

[Lotusavx]

Thank you and I could never imagine 17 years and someone leaving. I'm sorry you went through that, but thank you for the hope. It makes me feel better knowing others are going and have been through this

[Sarah Whittle]

I know exactly how you are feeling. My Ex walked in one morning, said it was over, and was out of the apartment by the end of the week. The immeasurable pain and loss you are feeling is normal and overwhelming. But, please take it from me, it will pass.

 

I am 4.5 months out of my breakup. The first 3 were some of the hardest times of my life. I called my mom nearly daily crying, I threw myself into other activities just to try and keep my mind off the pain, I joined meetup groups, began exercising more, focused on work, read books, went to see movies, any thing to keep myself occupied. At first it was impossible, I felt empty and drained, separated from society. But, slowly, over time I began to realize I didn't miss him over the last hour, then day, then week, and now even though I still think of him often, I no longer feel that pain.

 

I regained my self identity, I took back activities I once enjoyed (that I had been associating with him and avoiding), I met new friends, and I even found myself attracted to another guy.

 

This is not something you really want to read right now, but it will get better and it will pass. The main factor in how long it will take is YOU. You have to realize what it is that you are going to accept. Are you going to accept this pain and emptiness that someone who didn't value you is causing? Or are you going to go out and find yourself again? I started with the former and suffered for almost 2 months, then one day I woke up and said I am not going to allow this to continue dragging me down. The pain didn't stop right away, but it did get better and better until I felt normal and whole again.

 

We have all been where you are right now. Just know that there is light at the end of that dark tunnel, you just have to keep moving forward. Always remember that the light that was behind/around you has been extinguished and where you need to go is in front of you.

[ParisPaulette]

No, you will move on. Life does not stand still and the only way you won't move on and heal from this is if you actively, obsessively hold on to feeling like one does in the beginning of a breakup.

 

Right now this is totally, totally normal. You cannot imagine a tomorrow in which you won't care or you'll feel happy or maybe even love someone else, but it will happen. Life and time are on your side completely, and they will push you forward whether you want it or not. And more and more you will want it.

 

Take your time, heal, rebuild. No matter what life throws at one most of us are more than resilient enough to take it and rebuild and move forward. You're going to be okay. I've had several life changing events including breakups from long-term relationships, each one only made me stronger for the next go round and there was still plenty of happiness and good times in there. Enough to carry me forward and I think you'll find that too.

 

Good luck and in the meantime maybe find something you can focus your attention on--a class to take, an activity or hobby you always wanted to try. It helps even if you have to force yourself in the beginning to do so.

 

Good luck.

[parrot]

Our situations are a bit different but I can relate to everything you are saying. When my boyfriend broke up with me a month ago my entire life changed, I had to move back home and I'm in with my parents too until I get back on my feet. I not only miss my boyfriend but like you, I miss the life we had so much and I think about it all the time. Since my pain is still so fresh I'm afraid I don't have much in the way of advice, but take comfort you are NOT alone. And anytime you want to talk and get things off your chest I'll be here. I also feel like I will never feel better but I'm trying to be patient with myself and making sure I'm putting one foot in front of the other, even if it hurts.

 

Take comfort in your mom, and keep yourself busy. I've always wanted to learn more about photography so I've been throwing myself into that. I started taking online Spanish lessons. A friend of mine going through the same thing just started drumming lessons. I think learning a new skill/hobby is a great way to take your mind off things even if it's only for a few minutes at a time. It might not feel in the moment like it's helping - that's how I feel anyway, but I have a feeling that one day I'll look up and realize that it has all helped a lot. I force myself to accept invitations out to my friends and family's houses, I'm not really up for bars and restaurants yet.

 

Do what you can even if it's only a little bit and let yourself feel proud for accomplishing something and making it through your day. Try to keep in mind a few things you are especially grateful for. I feel like a hypocrite saying that you will get through this when I am emotionally in the same boat as you, but yes, we will get through it. Just one day, one hour, one minute at a time.

[Lotusavx]

A big thank you to all of those who have taken the time to give me advice and strength. It really is amazing how wonderful and helpful strangers can be, it just goes to show the goodness in humanity.

[Lotusavx]

It's only a 1 bedroom. Plus it's all his furniture and I couldn't afford new.

[kbbcoop77]

My wife came home Sunday night 2 years ago after 24 years together and said she doesn't love me anymore and she's moving out and left me and our 17 year old daughter in her junior year of high school..yeah I thought I was gonna freaking die. But I didn't, now my daughter is in school to be a licensed veterinary technician and has already been hired, and I got rid of a bunch of stress in my life and also moved onto a great job. BELIEVE me it's not the end! Your life is what you make of it. If someone doesn't want to be with you then screw them. I spent months in false hope thinking we would reconcile but it wasn't to be and now I wouldn't take her back if she crawled on glass to get here..you WILL be ok!