Ex is constantly in contact with me?

[Lumos]

A whole year of No Contact (initiated by me) before I heard from my ex again 2 weeks ago.

She was asking for "advice", but it was clear as day that she was reaching out.

I replied saying "It's lovely to hear from you, I'd love to meet up, when are you free/back from travelling?".

She instantly replies "I'm back on the 10th and I'm definitely up for a catch up".

 

 

I then thought it would be best for to get back in touch when she was back so that we could organise a meet up properly, which she agreed and I left it at that.

 

2 days later I get another random message saying "OMG I'm watching a football match today, I'm so excited!".

 

Yet another "reaching out text". I kept the conversation to 2 messages and said "It was nice chatting, I've got to shoot back to my revision now. Keep in touch!".

 

 

 

She has initiated 100% of conversations between us, and I intend to keep it that way.

 

 

I've been following the advice of Corey Wayne lately and it's been working wonders.

 

I even expect my ex will be in contact again the next few days - before the 10th.

[Wiseman2]

Does she want to reconcile or be friends? What would you prefer?

[ThatwasThen]

I suspect this is just spam advertising this guy you say whose advice you are following but I'll reply just in case I'm off on the vibe.

 

 

Why did you break up? If none of the reasons have changed then this will end up just like it did when you felt a need to initiate zero contact. Good on her for being able to pull you still. Ha!

[DoF]

She is in contact with you because YOU ALLOW IT and like it.

 

NOTHING good can ever come of this. And by continuing contact you are sabotaging yourself and your future relationships. Why? Think about it.

 

Would you ever date a person taht has unfinished business and has "friend" relationships with their ex?

 

Then there is the whole "it's not a friendship the second there is ANY attraction". Since you guys are Ex's, there was and always will be certain level of attraction.

 

What I'm telling you is the only person you will end up with, with them knowing you are "friends" with ex....is the partner that you don't really want.

 

Keep the ex where they belong, in the past/history.

 

Only exception to this is if there is a child involved AND if the relationships is CHILD ONLY.

 

Time to ask her to respect your wishes and ask her to not contact you again > proceed to block/ignore her.

[Lumos]

I suspect this is just spam advertising this guy you say whose advice you are following but I'll reply just in case I'm off on the vibe.

 

 

Why did you break up? If none of the reasons have changed then this will end up just like it did when you felt a need to initiate zero contact. Good on her for being able to pull you still. Ha!

 

 

 

The break up happened because I became complacent in the relationship, I became boring and predictable. I stopped dating her and she lost attraction and eventually ended it with me. She wanted to be friends when she ended it, I said no but to get in contact if she ever changed her mind and she has.

 

I've learnt from my mistakes, I've learnt that being in a relationship means constant courting (i.e dates, having fun and hooking up). I was an absolute mong to her too. I didn't listen to her, I didn't pay attention to how she felt and I was constantly making the wrong choices - choices that were turning her off and pushing her away.

 

I've had my year to think about the mistakes I made, I've read CW's book 3 times and I highly recommend men on this forum to give it a chance.

 

P.S She isn't "pulling me". No one's pulling anyone here. She's reached out to me.

[DoF]

It will be very difficult for anyone to take your advice when you engage into relationship/friendship with your ex.

 

I'm sorry

[Lumos]

Does she want to reconcile or be friends? What would you prefer?

 

She knows what I want, I've made it clear before and I'll make it equally as clear again.

 

I'm not interested in a friendship with her, I'm not interested in being her "male girlfriend" or psychiatrist. When (if) we meet up - which will be at mine for dinner - she tries to pull the friend card I will tell her this "I'm not interested in being friends with you. I'm sexually into you, I adore you, I want you. If you don't feel the same then I don't want to continue talking to you or seeing you, I want to be gone. Let me know if you change your mind" and I'll go NC.

[Wolfshook]

Great news,hope things go well for you

 

Keep us updated.

[DoF]

That's great and all, but you are still in contact with your ex.

 

Look, I believe in people helping. From coaches to therapy etc. HOWEVER, at the end of the day, it's you that's doing the hard work.

 

READ: rely on no ONE but yourself!

[Lumos]

That's great and all, but you are still in contact with your ex.

 

Look, I believe in people helping. From coaches to therapy etc. HOWEVER, at the end of the day, it's you that's doing the hard work.

 

READ: rely on no ONE but yourself!

 

 

SHE'S the one in contact with me. She's initiating 100% of the contact. I have made no effort to get in touch with her, I simply assumed she wanted to see me when she first got in touch and then that's it.

 

Coaches are there to advise you, not tell you what to do - Corey Wayne advises you on how to aproach exes but also girls you've met recently. Go watch his videos if you still think relying on yourself is going to help.

[Lumos]

Great news,hope things go well for you

 

Keep us updated.

 

I'm not on this site too often, but I'll try my best to keep updates!

[ThatwasThen]

If I were you, I'd be pursing someone new with this new found courage, determination, knowledge, personal boundaries. After one year, you don't know if she's changed by improving or declining. You have your hopes up and you are assuming that her contact means more then what it actually may.

 

Tread carefully and EXPECT nothing.

 

FWIW: Nothing worse then turning yourself into a "male girlfriend" so don't let that sneak up on you as she ingratiates herself back into your life.

[Clinton]

Despite what most say here people do occasionally reconcile and go on to lead happy fulfilling lives.

 

You don't know unless you try. So if you still want to be with her give it a shot. Better to try than be left wondering what if for the rest of your life.

[adviceplease2]

I agree Clinton....life's too short, don't live with the regret of not knowing if you could reconcile. If its what you want and she's for it too, go for it.

[Wiseman2]

She knows this now or when/if you see her? Are you waiting to tell her this?

"I'm not interested in being friends with you.

[DoF]

SHE'S the one in contact with me. She's initiating 100% of the contact. I

 

By ALLOWING you are ENABLING contact.

 

If you have blocked her and ignored her, you would have no issue and she wouldn't be able to contact you all together.

 

Since we are ONLY in control of ourselves, YOU are the one that enabled HER to contact you.

 

So stop it/block and ignore her.

 

 

[Lumos]

She knows this now or when/if you see her? Are you waiting to tell her this?

 

She knows it and she'll know it again when/if we see eachother.

[Clinton]

I have to ask those who are so stridently against trying to reconcile after a year apart why that is? Has no one seen a couple get back together after time apart and be happy together? Because I know I have.

 

It's not like he's a desperate dumpee a month out from the breakup. He's been apart for a year and in NC. And she's reached out and he still has feelings for her. Would most of us not take a chance for someone we still loved in that case.

 

Or does a breakup mean we hate the other person for the rest of our lives and never give them the time of day. Seems kind of stupid if that's the case.

 

Life comes with no guarantees, but I can guarantee you you'll miss out on 100% of the chances you don't take. Life would be a poor dull place if we always played it safe.

[ThatwasThen]

Because now that he's found himself and has personal boundaries and a good sense of self, he'll more likely then not, NOT want her back.

 

We tend to be attracted to people that are slightly below or slightly above our own mental and emotional state. I'm pretty sure he's not going to be as into her now that he's grown.

 

That's why I'm not giving him good luck high fives on this one and being a realist about it.

 

He's going to continue on no matter what we say so why not give him something(s) to think about as he continues?

[Clinton]

Because now that he's found himself and has personal boundaries and a good sense of self, he'll more likely then not, NOT want her back.

 

We tend to be attracted to people that are slightly below or slightly above our own mental and emotional state. I'm pretty sure he's not going to be as into her now that he's grown.

 

That's why I'm not giving him good luck high fives on this one and being a realist about it.

 

He's going to continue on no matter what we say so why not give him something(s) to think about as he continues?

 

Yet he seems to actually want her back.

[ThatwasThen]

Yet he seems to actually want her back.

 

What has that got to do with anything though? If he actually doesn't want her back then he IS just here to spam the guy he keeps linking us to.

 

Anyway: My point was the last line of my post "He's going to continue on no matter what we say so why not give him something(s) to think about as he continues on?"

[adviceplease2]

I have to ask those who are so stridently against trying to reconcile after a year apart why that is? Has no one seen a couple get back together after time apart and be happy together? Because I know I have.

 

It's not like he's a desperate dumpee a month out from the breakup. He's been apart for a year and in NC. And she's reached out and he still has feelings for her. Would most of us not take a chance for someone we still loved in that case.

 

Or does a breakup mean we hate the other person for the rest of our lives and never give them the time of day. Seems kind of stupid if that's the case.

 

Life comes with no guarantees, but I can guarantee you you'll miss out on 100% of the chances you don't take. Life would be a poor dull place if we always played it safe.

 

I continue to agree with Clinton here....life is just too short.

[ThatwasThen]

I continue to agree with Clinton here....life is just too short.

 

Yes, especially when you're clinging to ex's and hoping they'll come back.

[Clinton]

I just think that sometimes we're a bit too strident in our opposition to any talk of reconciliation. Some cases do actually have a chance. But differing opinions are always a good thing I guess.

[adviceplease2]

Yes, especially when you're clinging to ex's and hoping they'll come back.

 

I guess so. But in this case, after a year....eh, who is to say it wouldn't work. If they both want to try again then why not....it'll either work or it won't. At least if they both wanted it and tried, there wouldn't be those regrets or what if's constantly floating in his head.