The No Contact Supprt Group...Wanna Join?!

[Fif Angel]

Well,it seems to me that there is a plethora of people on this site who have just came out of relationships and are finding it really hard to resist the urge to phone or e-mail and hurting really badly.

 

So I thought this could be a thread where we post about how we`re doing with No Contact, and encourage others to keep at it. I know it is so much easier to cope when someone else is in the same boat..

 

It can be like a little on-line journal..

 

 

Ok I`ll start, broke up two weeks ago with boyfriend D. We were together for two years and were the perfect couple for about 1 and a half, everyone said we would get married etc.

 

Then our situation changed, he got new job etc, I never saw him we started arguing more. Recently he has been very depressed, lfeels like a failure, has lost his libido etc and says he`s not sure if he`s still in love with me. Ouch.

 

Well No Contact has been hard, hard , hard. Especially today when I really just want to give him a big cuddle. Have actually been very close to driving round his flat and sneaking into the back garden to look through the windows!

 

This site is great though

 

Ok..your turn!

[Micwu_25]

Well, technically we have been broken up for 3 months but I asked her back a couple of weeks after the break up and she couldn't make up her mind until last week which her answer is no, so it's 1 week of NC for me today.

 

I had been doing ok until today when i was stressed out with work. I felt lonely and wish i could talk to her about my stress but I held back.

 

I think it's the loneliness that makes me feel weak.

[jabean]

Let's see he started our first argument 2.5 weeks ago and disappeared needing space to talk. (The argument was about nothing--we both agreed). Last Friday I spoke with him on the phone...light, laughter, then "I'd like to be your friend". No reason for the break. No talking face to face. Just him freaking out about hurting my feelings the other night, and being afraid of hurting me again. We said we would get together early this week to chat. But I am not calling him, and I don't plan on calling him anytime soon.

 

It hurts, but I'm working on changing my focus and being a happier person all around. During that first two weeks I cried a lot, and put a lot of the things I enjoy on hold. I am not doing that now. I gave myself a cut-off point for grieving and I'm making myself live up to it. Sometimes, I have a pang of sadness or anger, but I just feel it and try to let it go.

[Bibora]

Well me and my ex broke up pretty badly last november. From that until middle december i've tried to contact her to no avail. By the end of december she contacted me back. Wanting to say something. I went there, got hurt and promised myself i wouldn't contact her no matter what. Actually i still exchanged 2 or 3 mails with her, but it was about things i had to give her back. So i can say NC is going like 2 month now. And if contact is to happen, it's her who has to choose, and not me. She broke up, she picks it up where she left. Not moving an inch for her now.

 

But is it making me feel better? A little, not much. I do miss her. Maybe i always will... But it really drives me mad, all this thinking about her...

[dfreitas]

Like jabean he requested time to think, weird since it is a LD relationship anyway. after the weekend I call, I shouldnt have, slap slap slap but suffered horribly cried flipped panicked, called the crisis center. this nc is impossible I still havent done it yet anyway he said he thought and we could work it out the next day he didnt call then the next day he really didnt seem the same not caring to see me or talk or say anything gave no reasons why out of the blue he did this then says still loves me doesnt want to lose me but I cant get him to meet or visit or call at night. Today, oh my gosh, I thought he wanted to work on it ya know, he again says I still think we need time apart I totally flipped out cried panicked shaked I couldnt figure it out (still have no idea) I wrote mail said This is wrong what is going on I need an explaination now, makes no sense" he then writes back says sorry he said that didnt feel good didnt mean it and we will be okay still doesnt know when he can see me doesn feel any urgent need to get together not interested, not even interested in touching me or seeing me or anyting is preoccupied with his life and everything so now Im here. That was the last. I cant believe it . All of the sudden six years now this. What the heck couldit be. I wont call he may call and I m not sure how to act or what to do I guess I will just listen then, its so predictable, he will either call again or not then maybe he will tomorrow but I know I probably wont see him it has been 11 days since Ive seen him all this transpired in 11 days. Im dying inside and out plus Im crazy mad and try to take suggestions from everyone it seems I cant do it though i just cant get it together. Id liket o take a trip i mentioned before we all need to set a date and have a convention meet somewhere vacation somewhere wouldnt it be great our own little pact may be have like an annual convention or something Reply with input Ive got to do something........

[just jeff]

A support group sounds great, but I honestly wish I wouldn't need to join one. After all my ex is coming back any day now....err, right...yeah, maybe.

 

But if I peel back the layers of my/our breakup then the chances of us being a couple in the future is less than 10%.

 

Since I alway's try to look on the bright side of life, I tend to convince myself it isn't over...she will be back, so she calls or text messages me; my brain goes into auto pilot and I think "ahhh, this is it...she wants to make a fresh start". But then I hear "I called to see how you are, I hadn't heard from you or seen you online lately".

 

So I tell her I am doing great; she has a relationship with another man...has for almost a year (our was long distance 600+ miles; he's 300 miles closer) which I thought was a rebound (I still think it is..but it's safe and conveniant). She knows I have dated and one is fairly steady. Which confuses the matters futher...her new mate is in love with her...and mine is in love with me...but the ex and I still say that we're in love with each other...too much water under the bridge.

 

But we cannot breakup and stay that way...12 days at best. It's hello/goodbye...I so tire of it...yet...I continue to put myself thru this self impossed H#ll....Only I an truly end it; maybe the support group is a great idea...count me in!

[Fif Angel]

Lol Sonic, pity ur on the other side of the world

 

I have been feeling a bit better today actually. Did a lot of exercise which helps, although I still tend to comfort eat chocolate a bit..anyone else do that?

 

Am being very boring and spending Friday night in alone as have no money..but haven`t been thinking about D. much tonight which is good

[jabean]

Well, I wish I was on the fast path. It's funny how it cycles. I start feeling okay...than BANG Im back in the anger, sad mode. I just wish I knew what happened, what went wrong. But I guess I'm not going to get those answers. It really does hurt.

[Jaela]

* pops head in *

 

Hi guys, mind if I join?

 

I'm on no contact with my ex right now. We've tried time and time again to salvage this relationship, but it just truly isn't working. We had plans to hang out together the other night but I became very sick and had to cancel. He actually had the nerve to get mad at me and put a guilt trip on me about it! It was just another reminder of what a pompous jerk he is, and why my life is better without his presense, sigh.

 

I hope we can keep this thread alive, to support each other through these difficult times. * passes around some steaming mugs of vanilla chai * Nothing like a bit of soul tea. 8) Sooo, anyone else sitting at home this weekend due to a lack of funding?

[hurtin]

When my ex abrubtly left (last June), I waited for 2 months to hear from her. During that time, she never tried to contact me. So, in August, I told her to never contact me again. It was really hard at the time, but deep down I knew that it would be way too hard to talk to her as a 'friend' instead of a 'girlfriend'. Looking back, it was the greatest thing I could have ever done. I know everyone is different, but for me this experience has been nothing short of fantastic (though still having a hard time believing it sometimes). I truly feel that I have grown as a person, and am proud to say I never once compromised my integrity. I also am happy of the way I told her to never contact me. This way, if I DO hear from her, atleast I'll know she's serious about it. And as the days go by without hearing from her, it becomes more and more apparent that I am not that important to her. This of course still stings, but I take comfort in knowing that atleast I'm not with someone isn't in love with me. Call me crazy, but life is just too short to be losing sleep over somone who doesn't want you in their life. Personally, I feel as though I deserve nothing short of a woman who loves me with all of her heart. My ex is not this person.....too bad for her.

 

I truly believe I arrived at this point because of my refusal to contact her. In the future, I will advocate no contact to all those who have been recently dumped. It hurts a ton, but you will get over it faster. I know I have.

 

Stay strong,

Hurtin'

[irishmyste]

Its been 3 years for me and was the best thing I could have done altho also one of the hardest. Any contact just keeps you binded to that person and you can become emotionally stuck. They also know you are still attached and will use your feelings for them as a weapon to hurt you. Kinda like rubbing salt in a wound.

 

When I wanted to see him, I just remembered all the horrible things he is which led me to scream, rage, cry, vent etc...allowing me to work things out of my system.

 

Had I not let go, I would still be wallowing in self-pity...and thats neither where I want nor need to be.

[Fif Angel]

I guess my dilemma was that our break-up was, although perhaps obstensibly, a temporary one, he told me that he just needed a month to deal with some things in his life.

 

It is nearing a month now and my worry is that he will just not get back to me. What should I do then? Phone him up. I still have a few unresolced issues that I wasnt closure on before a `final` break up. But then, I worry that hearing from him will only set back the healing process.