Where do I start?

[Mountainbreeze]

Alright update, so I talked to her again, she was at home this time. She was very regretful and sad, said she felt like a POS. She admitted that she did in fact have sex with him 2 times since I threatened to tell her friends and family what she did to our seemingly good relationship. She said they used a condom, but they both did perform oral on one another and she claimed to have cried after it. She now is telling me she wants to wait a week to see "If I am sane" and ready to rebuild. I think the timing is funny because the other man's family is coming to his house and she claims she is not comfortable to meet his 20 and 22 year old, she's 33. She said that she had sex with him because she felt like she deserved it, IDK if that means in a selfish way or a self hating way. Is she just jerking me around now?

Apparently she can't talk to me today because she is doing research for a "brilliant" prison inmate, who shall remain unnamed. I just like how our marriage is put on the backburner because some famous man in prison needs research for his new book.

At this point am I just torturing myself with her? She tells me it wasn't cheating because I left after I found out about her BDSM arrangement with him and that I shoudn't have threatened to expose her to outside parties.

[Wiseman2]

Did you both work in the sex industry? This convo doesn't sound like "hey how have you been?" after a break up.

she did in fact have sex with him 2 times said they used a condom, but they both did perform oral on one another said that she had sex with him because she felt like she deserved it

[Mountainbreeze]

Did you both work in the sex industry? This convo doesn't sound like "hey how have you been?" after a break up.

 

No, we haven't, I worked skilled trades in the welding industry.

[sy hoy]

Stop being such a chump.

[Mountainbreeze]

Now she is telling me that if I was only nice to her after I left after finding out about her bizarre arrangement behind my back, that she would have "taken me back" but now that I threatened to take stuff in the divorce, expose her, that she is scared of me and wants to "wait and see if I can be normal". Feel like total , it just boggles my mind why I need to prove anything when I wasn't doing anything wrong and she was lying to me behind my back. I had a right to say hurtful things when I found out, right? It was going on for 2 months and she was coming home with marks on her. Now she had sex with him and is telling me "I don't know whether I want to be his girlfriend or not" and that I would be resentful and no fun. She says she is happy when she is with him and all I do is stress her out.

[Wiseman2]

This is not going to end well.

[changeiscoming]

I feel for you man ... 14 years into my relationship my GF has cheated on me twice. I don't know if the industry or job changes the hurt at all. It's betrayal. As much as I sit behind my screen and tell you to do the right thing I haven't done the right thing myself. I've been thinking month after month, going to counselling and even tired to move on until she cried, pleaded and sobbed forgiveness. I see your empathy will kick in as it is now, your having doubts. You will be torn as I am... you'll sit in your misery and become resentful. I hope you have the strength to do what's right for you. There is no right or wrong answer here. If someone cheats it's not healthy obviously but there is no right answer. We all have our own paths eventually what I've realized is our own feelings will guide is to what we want.

 

I leave you with a quote that helped me...

 

" Say to yourself, regardless of what you are facing...I am going to be all right. Create an energy of peace, healing and hope around yourself. Whatever it is...finances, unexpected challenges, health concerns, job security, or long-term changes in your life situation.

 

Despite what you see, hear, and feel...say to yourself...I am going to be all right. Calm your mind, speak to your body, rest your spirit. Allow yourself to relax so that you can sleep at night. Sleep with this mindset, you will be all right!! You have GREATNESS within you!

"