Feeling incomplete...I think

[ambreaux405]

I am approaching a year since my world fell apart. It was last June that he told me he didn't think he loved me anymore, after nearly four years together. I gave up trying to make it work in July and moved out August 1st. I never saw him again after September or October, not sure when. I have not spoken to him since that time either.

 

I have done really well. I do not remember the last time I cried. I actually don't remember the last time I felt pain. For the most part I feel nothing towards him.

My life is on track. I have finally managed to get routines down that I am happy with, especially when it comes to being healthy and taking care of myself.

 

However, in the last week or so, I have started to feel incomplete, in a way. I'm really not sure if that is the correct word, but it's something like that.

 

Last Sunday night we had a major weather catastrophe. It rained very hard all night and by morning we had gotten twenty inches of rain and large parts of the city were under water. Travel was impossible, my work was closed for two days, and I was trapped alone in my little house. The same exact thing happened last May, but I wasn't alone, I had him. We lost power for a few days and it was nice and exciting (although, I guess by that point he already didn't love me, so good show on his part I guess, because I couldn't tell.)

 

Anyway, things have gotten back to normal for the most part but I just have this nagging incompleteness I guess. I don't know if I miss him, or if I am starting to long to be with someone, or what is going on. I don't want to date yet. I'm definitely not ready for another relationship, and as much as I would like to, I've never been one for casual flings.

 

So, I guess I will just continue working on myself and hope this weird feeling passes. The rest of the odd inexplicable phases have passed before too long, so I'm sure it's just another part of healing.

 

I guess I am just checking in. It's been awhile since I have been on here. I hope all are doing well and making progress in their own healing. I credit this board with myself being able to move on, even if it took a little bit for the good advice to sink in.

[kbbcoop77]

Sounds great! I started feeling better after a year and now after 2

feel really comfortable being alone, but we were together 24 years so took a little longer. Congrats on the NC! It really helps to get over them! Good luck,

I'm sure you'll find someone that you deserve..

[rich46]

 

Last Sunday night we had a major weather catastrophe. It rained very hard all night and by morning we had gotten twenty inches of rain and large parts of the city were under water. Travel was impossible, my work was closed for two days, and I was trapped alone in my little house. The same exact thing happened last May, but I wasn't alone, I had him. We lost power for a few days and it was nice and exciting (although, I guess by that point he already didn't love me, so good show on his part I guess, because I couldn't tell.)

Hey, I can remember your posts and so glad to hear that you have made a lot of progress.

 

I am about 13 months post-break up and I am at a similar stage to you, and can relate to a lot of what you describe. I think you have identified the trigger for this current temporary phase and it will pass. It is strange how these little events can trigger memories from the past, and before you know it, you feel weird for a stretch of time. These things may continue as you heal and move on in life, perhaps getting less and less frequent, before suddenly you will realise that you are ready to meet someone new again and start a new journey.

 

Personally, I feel like I am at a stage where I am torn between enjoying my independence and travel, and getting out there to date again because of the feelings of 'incompleteness' you talk about. I think I am going to leave dating until after the summer as I have a big trip planned in July/August and I don't want any disruptions haha.

 

Anyway, just wanted to say that you are doing great, and your feelings are quite natural based on my experience.

 

Take care,

 

Rich

[ambreaux405]

Hey, I can remember your posts and so glad to hear that you have made a lot of progress.

 

I am about 13 months post-break up and I am at a similar stage to you, and can relate to a lot of what you describe. I think you have identified the trigger for this current temporary phase and it will pass. It is strange how these little events can trigger memories from the past, and before you know it, you feel weird for a stretch of time. These things may continue as you heal and move on in life, perhaps getting less and less frequent, before suddenly you will realise that you are ready to meet someone new again and start a new journey.

 

Personally, I feel like I am at a stage where I am torn between enjoying my independence and travel, and getting out there to date again because of the feelings of 'incompleteness' you talk about. I think I am going to leave dating until after the summer as I have a big trip planned in July/August and I don't want any disruptions haha.

 

Anyway, just wanted to say that you are doing great, and your feelings are quite natural based on my experience.

 

Take care,

 

Rich

 

Aw thank you. You're doing great too!

My goal was to not even think about dating until January of 2017. I am thinking my new years resolution for next year will be to get back out there and date. I am in no rush, to be honest. I'm healing, yes. I am doing great for the most part, but my heart isn't in it yet. My heart still aches a bit and I don't want to try to meet new people with an achy heart. Although, I've also heard that meeting someone new is what finally finishes off the old feelings, as well, so who knows. But like you, I will be traveling all summer. So now is not a good time anyway.

[ambreaux405]

Sounds great! I started feeling better after a year and now after 2

feel really comfortable being alone, but we were together 24 years so took a little longer. Congrats on the NC! It really helps to get over them! Good luck,

I'm sure you'll find someone that you deserve..

 

Thank you! If you had asked me last summer/fall if I would ever feel good again, I would have told you absolutely not and really believed it. Time does a lot of vicious things to us, but it also heals!

[emptyeffort]

id guess youre missing companionship. a significant other. ive been in such a phase for a while as well now. id love someone to hug, cuddle and kiss. someone to spend the time with and someone i can look forward to meeting.im still not really over my ex. i think of her sometimes and i gues i still have feelingsfor her. but its not like i miss her. i just miss someone at my side.

[IAmFCA]

I wrote of a similar feeling recently and have felt it before. For me, and maybe for you, it crops up at stages of achievement, if you will. Like, okay, I'm better now, can I relax into my SO now? Oh, not yet? Okay, back to my life. What else shall I focus on... then I achieve that next level of making my life better and it happens again. For me, I suspect its both a desire for affirmation and also an escape into someone else's environment for a while. I get exhausted and claustrophobic being focused on my self and my progress.

 

The most rewarding thING to evolve is the intimacy of my friendships. I couldn't fom them deeply while married,because of myself and also the darkness of my marriage. Now, they feed my soul and almost fill that spot that a man would fill. Also, as I've improved myself, my life has gotten better. I'm oddly not sure if that was my goal, or i just need somewhere to put my energy. I suppose its logical then, that now my choice of companions has improved. Ironically, i value my life so much that i don't want just anyone., even as I feel the void.

 

As you describe, you are evolving, ever evolving. It makes everything so much better.

 

I'd say, yes this feeling is a real downer. Trust in the process. Look at the fruits of your efforts. You will stumble across a relationship at the right time, somehow.

 

Maybe we need to more highly value the rewards we are creating along the way?

[ambreaux405]

I wrote of a similar feeling recently and have felt it before. For me, and maybe for you, it crops up at stages of achievement, if you will. Like, okay, I'm better now, can I relax into my SO now? Oh, not yet? Okay, back to my life. What else shall I focus on... then I achieve that next level of making my life better and it happens again. For me, I suspect its both a desire for affirmation and also an escape into someone else's environment for a while. I get exhausted and claustrophobic being focused on my self and my progress.

 

The most rewarding thING to evolve is the intimacy of my friendships. I couldn't fom them deeply while married,because of myself and also the darkness of my marriage. Now, they feed my soul and almost fill that spot that a man would fill. Also, as I've improved myself, my life has gotten better. I'm oddly not sure if that was my goal, or i just need somewhere to put my energy. I suppose its logical then, that now my choice of companions has improved. Ironically, i value my life so much that i don't want just anyone., even as I feel the void.

 

As you describe, you are evolving, ever evolving. It makes everything so much better.

 

I'd say, yes this feeling is a real downer. Trust in the process. Look at the fruits of your efforts. You will stumble across a relationship at the right time, somehow.

 

Maybe we need to more highly value the rewards we are creating along the way?

 

I love everything you just wrote.

I am focusing quite a bit on myself and have had many achievements and no one to share them with, so I think there is a lot of truth in that.

I just really want to move past this phase in my life, I think. I thought I had everything figured out. I had plans. And now I have to build everything back up from scratch, including myself, because, it turns out, I had nothing figured out at all. It's frustrating and sometimes just too hard, but I am a way better person than I was even a year ago.

[JA0371]

Omg... I am almost at 8 months. Some days it still hurts and some days I am so happy, and full of plans and goals.

Time actually seems to be flying. It will be one year in September since I saw him last in person, but been in contact off and on until a couple months ago. Do you think you'll ever contact your ex again? I know I will consider it at some point.....but not for some time. It hurts sometimes to know we may not ever be able to be close again. That part hurts a lot.

[ambreaux405]

Omg... I am almost at 8 months. Some days it still hurts and some days I am so happy, and full of plans and goals.

Time actually seems to be flying. It will be one year in September since I saw him last in person, but been in contact off and on until a couple months ago. Do you think you'll ever contact your ex again? I know I will consider it at some point.....but not for some time. It hurts sometimes to know we may not ever be able to be close again. That part hurts a lot.

 

No, I don't think I will contact him again. Every time I find myself thinking about getting in touch with him, the phrase "I don't want anything to do with you" repeats inside my head. I really don't. He was cute and we had some good times, but he let me down. He chose to be alone rather than be with me and so now I want nothing to do with him. And should he ever track me down, I have no problem telling him that.

[IAmFCA]

I love everything you just wrote.

I am focusing quite a bit on myself and have had many achievements and no one to share them with, so I think there is a lot of truth in that.

I just really want to move past this phase in my life, I think. I thought I had everything figured out. I had plans. And now I have to build everything back up from scratch, including myself, because, it turns out, I had nothing figured out at all. It's frustrating and sometimes just too hard, but I am a way better person than I was even a year ago.

 

Congratulations. You are finding a way embrace the process and not the goal. That's where happiness is, embracing the process. You are a flower with endless payers of petals. You think you're done, and then the process makes the next layer bloom .

[JA0371]

No, I don't think I will contact him again. Every time I find myself thinking about getting in touch with him, the phrase "I don't want anything to do with you" repeats inside my head. I really don't. He was cute and we had some good times, but he let me down. He chose to be alone rather than be with me and so now I want nothing to do with him. And should he ever track me down, I have no problem telling him that.

 

 

Understandable. If my ex ever said that to me, I would definetely feel the same way. Although his actions basically say the same thing, which is what makes me hesitant.

Glad you're doing better. Please let us know how you're doing.