Breaking off a non-relationship

[notalone1900]

I was dating a guy for just under 5 months. It wasn't progressing, we saw each other about once a week and I was initiating most of the contact/dates although he did too. I really liked this guy, when we were together we always had an amazing time. However, I just didn't feel like a priority in his life. I talked to him one night about how I felt, that I really cared about him but needed more. So we called it off. He asked if we could still talk and hang out. We were both upset by this, but he just couldn't commit to more. It's been about 3 weeks and I'm still heartbroken. I'm trying to not contact him, but its hard.

Did I do the right thing? Should I have given it more time? Or is it better to end it now? Is no contact better?

[bellaboo18]

you did do the right thing. i would of done the same if I saw no progress..taking things to the next level. you wouldn't want to waste your time. Initial the NC (no contact) to take some time for yourself and give him space, it's been if you do that so he can have time to miss you and hopefully realizes what he really wants is you.

[greta96]

You absolutely did the right thing, because 5 months is more than enough time for someone to know whether they want to commit or not. The fact that he didn't means his feelings are not strong enough, therefore there was no point in prolonging things and wasting your time.

Make sure to stay NC, you deserve to be with a guy who knows for sure he wants a relationship with you and who is not wishy washy about it.

[Man with Dog]

There's no straight answer to this. It just depends on so many things. Are you at the stage of life where you're hoping the next person you date will be Mr Right? If not, you could be a bit impatient.

[Jibralta]

I think you did the right thing. You are making room in your life for a person who can give you the kind of relationship that you want.

 

I probably don't need to say this, but it's normal to feel bad after a break up. It's not just a parting of ways; you're also introducing more uncertainty into your life. Uncertainty is stressful, and I've found that when the uncertainty in my life increases, I feel more stressed out about everything, even seemingly unrelated things.

[ThatwasThen]

What was his reason for only seeing you once a week?

[notalone1900]

There was no reason really.

[annie24]

It sounds like you did the right thing. If you were under the impression he was luke-warm about you, then you're probably right.

[ThatwasThen]

There was no reason really.

I'd assumed you would have asked him and he would have given you some response as to why "he just couldn't commit to more." Anyway, he's not asking for you back while promising you he would put in more effort so yes, you did the right thing. Best to get to the stage of indifference to him so that you can be open in heart and mind to meet someone who can commit to more with you.

 

Do yourself a favour and don't continue talking to him either. That will just stagnate you from getting to that stage of indifference.

[notalone1900]

I'm in my early 30s, so not looking for something casual but don't also want to rush things. I should me more patient or impatient? Thanks for your reply

[notalone1900]

Unfortunately, part of me wants him to come back and miss me. I'm hoping I'll get over that soon

[notalone1900]

I'd assumed you would have asked him and he would have given you some response as to why "he just couldn't commit to more." Anyway, he's not asking for you back while promising you he would put in more effort so yes, you did the right thing. Best to get to the stage of indifference to him so that you can be open in heart and mind to meet someone who can commit to more with you.

 

Do yourself a favour and don't continue talking to him either. That will just stagnate you from getting to that stage of indifference.

 

He didn't really give me a reason. He said he liked how things were and knew I wanted more.

[annie24]

Unfortunately, part of me wants him to come back and miss me. I'm hoping I'll get over that soon

 

 

I I know it's hard to break it off with someone in the absence of a huge event (like you caught him cheating). But I guess just try to remind yourself if he's not giving you what you want, you're both better off looking elsewhere.

[janut1]

You did the right thing. I wish I broke if off with my XBF earlier then I did. We dated for exactly 1 year. I told myself if I didn't feel that he loved me or if nothing changed in the way we were progressing, then I was done. I broke up with him the day after our 1 year anniversary. I should of left sooner because I waisted months of time hoping things would get better. He never talked about us as a couple, anything in future or love or emotions. It was the saddest most disconnected relationship I had ever been in and it caused me a lot of anxiety and stress. I will NEVER stay with anyone who does not talk about feelings or who is emotionally unavailable again.

 

You are young and you have lots of time to find the right guy. Make sure he is everything you want and never compromise.

[Man with Dog]

I'm in my early 30s, so not looking for something casual but don't also want to rush things. I should me more patient or impatient? Thanks for your reply

 

Sorry to sound evasive but there's no straight right and wrong answer. There's loads of people here who will say seeing someone once a week after 5 months is quite "normal". On the other hand, there's people (like me) who have made the mistake of trying to rush a relationship to the next stage too quickly.

 

Given your age and I'll guess you'll have some experience of relationships, I'd say that you would know roughly around the 3-6 month mark which way things are going. If there were no distance issues, I would have expected to progress to 2/3 times a week at least by 5 months.

 

On balance, I'd say you made the right decision.