Somewhere in between indifference, confusion, and sadness

[lostlove76]

Oh wow, I didn't know you had spoken to her. I think it's good that you did. Now your imagination doesn't have to run wild over what actually happened. So he's been doing this for a while, contacting her every few months. Mine had an ex he would call every time we "ended" until she and I talked and exchanged notes. She didn't know anything about me. Once I told her what was going on, she quit talking to him. He tried a couple more times until she firmly told him to stop calling or she would block him. He would also jump right on a dating site when we ended or I quit talking to him for a while (because he was always being a commitment-phobic jerk). So, very similar to what yours was doing. I'm pretty sure mine did it because he was feeling lonely and needed a "backup" to talk to. Sounds like this other woman was a backup for your guy. I agree, what a jerk.

 

It sounds like he has some major issues, wherever they stem from. I gave my guy sooooo much leeway because of his issues, and all it did was get me hurt over and over. Your family and friends may very well be right that he'll call again after giving you time to cool down. If he does, then this is now a pattern for sure. It would be ideal if you guys could get counseling if you do end up back together, to prevent the same thing from happening again and again. I know you said you will make that a condition upon taking him back, and I hope you'll stick to your guns about it. It would be a good sign if he was willing to go.

 

Hang in there! It's rough, I know.

[Ksol9]

You won't believe what just happened.

 

I went downstairs to watch tv. Left phone on charger. I come back to get it a little while later and I see he sent me a text saying,

 

What time is it that their bus comes?

 

I can't believe he has the nerve to ask me what time the bus comes. He just went to their orientation on Thursday. How does he not know what time the bus comes? You did me wrong and you haven't said a word to me for 2 weeks and then you have the nerve to text me about a bus stop time? I don't know if I should be offended. I'm so disappointed in this man.

 

I didn't respond. If he really doesn't know what time the bus comes, he can take them to school and sort that out with administration and bus stops and times.

[lostlove76]

Wow. Not even a "hey how are you?" or an "I'm sorry for being such a jerk." I'm glad you didn't respond. He can figure it out for himself. Just wow. But at least he broke the silence, I guess. I would love for the opportunity to ignore mine! Shows he can't mess you around and will have to step it up if he wants or needs to talk to you.

[Ksol9]

That's exactly what I thought..not even a how are you or I'm sorry to bother you I know you're upset. That alone shows me he has no intentions of acknowledging what he has done. that really shows me he does not care. if the situation was reversed and I know I'm not on speaking terms with him, there's no way in heck I'm texting him to ask about bus stops. I'd figure it out on my own. I'm very confused about that. Very surprising to hear from him, yet disappointing that he is still avoiding what happened. I don't know if that was just a poke to see how I'd respond or if he really is helpless and doesn't know what time the bus comes. He didn't even ask where the stop was located.

 

I hope the kids are ok on their first day at their new school. I know this is going to be a lot on him. He has to be at work at 7 and bus comes at 7:19...now he will have to get to work late and also leave early to pick them up. He has to pack lunches, iron, homework...all the things I used to do. Reality will settle in very soon. So foolish of him to take that for granted.

 

Feeling really sad today.

[Ksol9]

Oh wow, I didn't know you had spoken to her. I think it's good that you did. Now your imagination doesn't have to run wild over what actually happened. So he's been doing this for a while, contacting her every few months. Mine had an ex he would call every time we "ended" until she and I talked and exchanged notes. She didn't know anything about me. Once I told her what was going on, she quit talking to him. He tried a couple more times until she firmly told him to stop calling or she would block him. He would also jump right on a dating site when we ended or I quit talking to him for a while (because he was always being a commitment-phobic jerk). So, very similar to what yours was doing. I'm pretty sure mine did it because he was feeling lonely and needed a "backup" to talk to. Sounds like this other woman was a backup for your guy. I agree, what a jerk.

 

It sounds like he has some major issues, wherever they stem from. I gave my guy sooooo much leeway because of his issues, and all it did was get me hurt over and over. Your family and friends may very well be right that he'll call again after giving you time to cool down. If he does, then this is now a pattern for sure. It would be ideal if you guys could get counseling if you do end up back together, to prevent the same thing from happening again and again. I know you said you will make that a condition upon taking him back, and I hope you'll stick to your guns about it. It would be a good sign if he was willing to go.

 

Hang in there! It's rough, I know.

 

 

I was glad that I contacted her. There was a a lot of hesitation, but I needed validation that I felt I am never going to receive from him. She actually said that she has been wanting to talk to me but couldn't find a way to because I removed Facebook so she was unable to message me. He had sent her a rough text the morning I left asking if she said anything to me. I don't care about her because I know she totally be with him if he wanted to start a relationship with her. He doesn't want a relationship..apparently he wants sexual variety. Makes me angry just thinking about it.

 

I don't know if I'm just naive, but maybe he really didn't know the bus stop time. He's always been very careless about matters with the children because I have always been on top of everything since he got custody of them. He never really had to do anything. I know he will manage just fine, but it will be an eye opening adjustment.

 

Now that I didn't respond, I will not hear from him. That showed me he doesn't care about me at all. You're lost about bus stop times, so the first thing that comes to mind is asking me?? You don't care that you totally made a fool of yourself when I caught you cheating??? I don't think I'll hear from him again but I don't know how I'd react if he asks me another ridiculous question again.

[lostlove76]

That's exactly what I thought..not even a how are you or I'm sorry to bother you I know you're upset. That alone shows me he has no intentions of acknowledging what he has done. that really shows me he does not care. if the situation was reversed and I know I'm not on speaking terms with him, there's no way in heck I'm texting him to ask about bus stops. I'd figure it out on my own. I'm very confused about that. Very surprising to hear from him, yet disappointing that he is still avoiding what happened. I don't know if that was just a poke to see how I'd respond or if he really is helpless and doesn't know what time the bus comes. He didn't even ask where the stop was located.

 

I hope the kids are ok on their first day at their new school. I know this is going to be a lot on him. He has to be at work at 7 and bus comes at 7:19...now he will have to get to work late and also leave early to pick them up. He has to pack lunches, iron, homework...all the things I used to do. Reality will settle in very soon. So foolish of him to take that for granted.

 

Feeling really sad today.

 

It could have been a poke for sure. You would think he would be smart enough to at least show some type of consideration for the situation, but he's probably not willing to risk being vulnerable at this point.

 

I'm glad he'll have to deal with all of that on his own! Consequences for taking it all for granted. He shouldn't get to skate by free and easy.

 

I'm sorry you're feeling sad though

[lostlove76]

I was glad that I contacted her. There was a a lot of hesitation, but I needed validation that I felt I am never going to receive from him. She actually said that she has been wanting to talk to me but couldn't find a way to because I removed Facebook so she was unable to message me. He had sent her a rough text the morning I left asking if she said anything to me. I don't care about her because I know she totally be with him if he wanted to start a relationship with her. He doesn't want a relationship..apparently he wants sexual variety. Makes me angry just thinking about it.

 

I don't know if I'm just naive, but maybe he really didn't know the bus stop time. He's always been very careless about matters with the children because I have always been on top of everything since he got custody of them. He never really had to do anything. I know he will manage just fine, but it will be an eye opening adjustment.

 

Now that I didn't respond, I will not hear from him. That showed me he doesn't care about me at all. You're lost about bus stop times, so the first thing that comes to mind is asking me?? You don't care that you totally made a fool of yourself when I caught you cheating??? I don't think I'll hear from him again but I don't know how I'd react if he asks me another ridiculous question again.

 

Did this woman know he had a girlfriend when she was communicating with him before? That would make me angry with her if she did. At least you got the info and don't have to wonder what happened.

 

I can't decide if him asking about the bus was a poke or because he really didn't know. Kind of odd to just ask the question without saying anything else at all. Seems there are other ways he could have found out, but some people aren't very resourceful. Maybe he was feeling a bit panicky and helpless about trying to get it all together the night before school. Or maybe he just thought it would be a good excuse for contact.

[Ksol9]

I'm not trying to punish him and I don't want him to have to go through a rough time. I just said to myself when this all happened that I won't respond to any messages from him or the children until he talks to me about what happened. I know I can't control him, but doesn't that seem like the right thing to do? Or am I wrong for not facing this? Am I running from communication just as much as he is? And then I get upset when he stops trying to talk to me? I wonder if I'm sabatoge get this further? lol self doubt.

 

I know he was wrong, but I would like to have a serious straightforward conversation with him. He has yet to show any interest in that. So what am I supposed to do? Interpret a text about the children as a text he wants to initiate conversation? I don't have time for child's play. He needs to cut the bs. This is t easy for me but I have no choice but to move on with my life.

 

I'm sure he figured everything out this morning. I hope the children had a wonderful first day. I never respond to him and I'm sure he gets the impression that I'm not willing to talk. Poke or no poke I doubt I'll hear from him again.

[Ksol9]

And yes she knew he was in a relationship. She has known all along that we have been going back and forth. She knows more about my relationship than she should know.

 

As far as the text last night, I think he just didn't know how else to find out what time the bus came. He doesn't feel a bit embarrassed about what he has done because he doesn't feel he did anything wrong so he sent me a text. I didn't respond so that was the end of that. If it happens more than once with the nonsensical texts then I can come to the conclusion he is just trying to have contact, but since it was about the children and it happened once, I guess it was because he really didn't know what time the bus was coming.

 

He's either in or he's out and right now he's out. He hasn't once came forward to say that he wanted to sort this out, so I have to continue moving forward and keep the focus on myself

[lostlove76]

I wish I knew the answers to your questions. Everyone says not to respond to anything at all other than "I'm sorry and I want to work things out," and to remain strictly NC unless and until that happens. But I've wondered myself sometimes if this is actually the best thing to do if you want things to work out in the end. Not everyone is going to take the risk of saying such a thing right off the bat, due to uncertainty about what the other is thinking and for fear of rejection. They'll poke a little first and try to feel it out. So honestly, I don't know. I ignored mine last time he tried to call almost two months ago, because I didn't trust his intentions. He called several times in one night and I just didn't answer. He hasn't called since. But he's been with someone else, so I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. I guess, though, people will eventually give up if you ignore them enough.

 

These are just my thoughts, not suggestions of any type. I think you're doing the right thing though.

[lostlove76]

And yes she knew he was in a relationship. She has known all along that we have been going back and forth. She knows more about my relationship than she should know.

 

I don't think at all highly of women like this. When you know someone is in a relationship, you don't allow that person to flirt and come on to you. If all women lived by this standard, it would make it much harder for men to cheat.

[Ksol9]

You're absolutely correct lostlove76.

 

I've given him nothing other than I don't want anything to do with him because of what he has done. He has no idea I would be open to communicating. I just have to continue doing what I think is right for myself. I can't break my brain trying to figure out what is going on with him. I'm looking for validation that I'm not going to get. I just need to let it all go and hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

 

This is going to be a long week. Thank you for being there for me. You've been a great help in helping me see things from a different perspective.

[Ksol9]

I don't think at all highly of women like this. When you know someone is in a relationship, you don't allow that person to flirt and come on to you. If all women lived by this standard, it would make it much harder for men to cheat.

 

 

I agree with you on this as well. I made sure to tell him that I thought she was just as classless as he is.

 

She is married and has 3 children. Her marriage is not going well and they have an open relationship. Most of the women that I saw him looking for are all married or in relationship, so that is why I believe he is just looking for sex with no strings attached. I could be wrong but this is my impression. He can stay far away from me unless he is willing to prove me wrong.

[lostlove76]

This is going to be a long week. Thank you for being there for me. You've been a great help in helping me see things from a different perspective.

 

Aw, you're welcome. I just know exactly what you're going through, so I feel for you. Our situations are slightly different in many ways, but all the feelings and thoughts we have are the same. It's rough!

 

I've given him nothing other than I don't want anything to do with him because of what he has done. He has no idea I would be open to communicating.

 

Exactly. Same with me and mine. The last time I talked to him, I yelled at him. Then when he tried to call a couple weeks later, I ignored him. So why would he think I would do anything other than that now? I think it's good to remind yourself of what you said, because otherwise you really do feel like he just doesn't care at all, and I'm sure that's not the case. He doesn't know how to fix things, but he needs to figure it out. Give him some time to process everything. It takes men longer.

 

I just have to continue doing what I think is right for myself. I can't break my brain trying to figure out what is going on with him. I'm looking for validation that I'm not going to get. I just need to let it all go and hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

 

It can drive you crazy if you let it. I drive myself nuts trying to figure out what mine is thinking - and we haven't even talked, so I don't have much to go on other than social media viewing (which I'm having a super hard time breaking the habit of). You don't have anything to go on either, so it's all just speculation at this point.

 

You do have to do what's right for you, whatever you feel that is. He put himself first when he decided to cheat, so now you get to put yourself first. Put YOUR feelings and wants and needs first. His come second. He's the one who messed it all up.

[lostlove76]

I agree with you on this as well. I made sure to tell him that I thought she was just as classless as he is.

 

She is married and has 3 children. Her marriage is not going well and they have an open relationship. Most of the women that I saw him looking for are all married or in relationship, so that is why I believe he is just looking for sex with no strings attached. I could be wrong but this is my impression. He can stay far away from me unless he is willing to prove me wrong.

 

Wow, she's married too. What a gem of a woman! I've never understood open relationships, but to each their own I guess. Still sounds like cheating to me, when someone is married. Especially bad when you have children in the mix. Mine immediately got with a married woman when we ended, so I find it all especially disgusting.

 

I completely agree with you that he's looking for no strings, if he's going after women who are married or otherwise taken. That's very telling. He knows that these women won't commit or expect anything out of him.

 

I'm sorry to say, but it doesn't really say much about his character, does it? The fact that he would be willing to step into someone else's relationship. He probably sees it as harmless, but it's FAR from harmless. I consider my own ex to be a homewrecker - a term generally reserved for women, but that's exactly what he is. I try to remind myself of what this says about who he is as a person, and try to convince myself I shouldn't even want him back. But it's hard when you love someone. Think about this, though, in case things don't end up working out (and it's far too soon to know if they will or they won't). If he doesn't come back and do the right things, perhaps you are better off. His boundaries are very lax, and his character is questionable.

[Ksol9]

That is why I made the decision to leave. Everything that has been put in front of me shows he is just looking to casual sex with other women. Most times that I've found any evidence of him looking for other women were when we were fighting. Still it doesn't make it right. I don't care what kind of abandonment wounds you have. Someone who has good morals and values and someone who value the person they have found, would never do anything to jeopardize that. Those were his words to me. He often told me he would never jeopardize what we have. I feel like it was all a lie. He lied the entire time and who knows what was really going on. I'm not going to expose myself to things like that anymore. I still love him very much and I'm willing, but I can't put in any effort unless I see that he is committed to making changes. We have to break this cycle together. I can't do it on my own. He made this mess. I truly hope he is sitting and thinking about it all and hopefully he will do the right thing. If not, then we aren't meant to be. I will be ok. I've been through much worse.

 

I also have a problem with looking at his Facebook. He used to post all kinds of things..news, funnies, pictures. Since this happened..not a thing. He only posted a video of us when we went to the Everglades and a picture of himself laying down. He looks like he hasn't shaved in two Weeks and he wasn't smiling. Facebook is not real though, it's nothing for me to come to any conclusions. I just know he is going through an adjustment now that I am not there. I'm not happy without him and i wish this wasn't happening. It's a nightmare. It really is.

[lostlove76]

I know it feels like a nightmare All so very painful. I'm sure that every minute feels like a week. The silence is the worst part, not knowing what he's thinking at all. He doesn't know what you're thinking either, though, other than that you're most likely still angry and upset (as you should be).

 

I'm quite sure that he's thinking about everything. Mine jumped right into a full-on relationship with the married woman, as far as I can tell from Facebook. He doesn't post much, and most of his stuff is private... so I've taken to watching HER pages, and ugh, I'm just torturing myself with it. But since he's been fully involved with someone else, I very much doubt he's thinking of me at all. Yours, though, is feeling your absence, I am sure. How could he not. You said above that you don't want to punish him or want him to have a rough time, I think is how you put it, but if people don't experience consequences then they don't change. Sometimes they have to really feel the loss to realize they were wrong. So in that case, I'm all for hoping they're having a rough time of it.

[Ksol9]

Yes, I'm not so sure the Facebook watching is healthy, but I know exactly how you feel. You just cant help it. You will let go when you are ready to let go. I guess we're not quite ready. Mine has left everything as it was. He hasn't erased any pictures of me and he hasn't really posted anything. We are still friends on Facebook but I deactivated my page and will reactivate just to see his so he thinks I'm not on Facebook anymore. Gosh, that sounds so crazy when I think of it. When I'm ready I will delete him and the pictures. Right now everything is so fresh.

 

 

What you said about him feeling my absence is mostly likely correct only in the fact that I am not there cooking and cleaning and taking care of the children. That is a big adjustment, but other than that, I don't believe hes thinking much further than that. As much as I'd like to believe he is experiencing the consequences of his choices, I'm not so sure. When we split the first time, I was in complete agony. I thought about all the things I did wrong and how I could change them. I told myself that if I got back together with him I would appreciate him so much more. And that is exactly what happened. I appreciated him so very much because I experienced that loss. I wish he would learn from this and I wish he is realizing his wrongs and will decide to make them right, but I doubt it. Those are just wished. I don't even believe I will hear from him again. He reached out to me with that text last night and I feel he won't push any further.

 

Everything is in shambles.

[lostlove76]

Yes, I'm not so sure the Facebook watching is healthy, but I know exactly how you feel. You just cant help it. You will let go when you are ready to let go. I guess we're not quite ready. Mine has left everything as it was. He hasn't erased any pictures of me and he hasn't really posted anything. We are still friends on Facebook but I deactivated my page and will reactivate just to see his so he thinks I'm not on Facebook anymore. Gosh, that sounds so crazy when I think of it. When I'm ready I will delete him and the pictures. Right now everything is so fresh.

Definitely not healthy, but extremely hard not to look. Everyone keeps telling me to stop, but I just can't seem to keep myself from it, even though it's mostly hurting me to look. I feel this need to know what he's up to, even though I'm only getting small snippets of info and not the full story. Like you say, I guess we'll stop when we're ready.

 

What you said about him feeling my absence is mostly likely correct only in the fact that I am not there cooking and cleaning and taking care of the children. That is a big adjustment, but other than that, I don't believe hes thinking much further than that. As much as I'd like to believe he is experiencing the consequences of his choices, I'm not so sure. When we split the first time, I was in complete agony. I thought about all the things I did wrong and how I could change them. I told myself that if I got back together with him I would appreciate him so much more. And that is exactly what happened. I appreciated him so very much because I experienced that loss. I wish he would learn from this and I wish he is realizing his wrongs and will decide to make them right, but I doubt it. Those are just wished. I don't even believe I will hear from him again. He reached out to me with that text last night and I feel he won't push any further.

After you two got back together last time, did he tell you how he spent those two months? Did he say how he felt, or what he did, or why he didn't call? You may have talked about that earlier in the thread, but it's been a while so I've forgotten if you ever said.

[Ksol9]

Yes we did talk about our time apart. He said he missed me terribly and thought about me every day. He said his decision to split up was an irrational decision and that he truly feels that I complete him. He has always told me that he wouldn't know what they would do without me. He said he didn't sleep with anyone else, but I'm not sure I believe that after recent developments. He said over and over that no matter what he tried, he thought about me every single day for 2 months. He said I was on his mind all the time. I went through the same thing. Except I was in agonizing pain. I don't expect him to tell me he was depressed and extremely sad all the time because I don't think he went through what I went through because he is the one who made the decision. This time I left, he was in the wrong. I am hurting just as much as I was last time. Except I don't feel completely helpless as I did last time. He did not do the work that I did while we were apart. I worked on myself and my issues. He didn't work on himself. He did acknowledge that communication was a major issue for us. We improved, but the cheating was something I didn't expect at all. I could not have prepared for this.

[lostlove76]

No, you couldn't have prepared for it, as you didn't see it coming at all.

 

Well, at the very least, I think you can feel confident that he is thinking of you and missing you every day since he admitted to having done that last time. Like I keep saying, it feels like they don't care at all when there's nothing but silence, but I feel sure that he's missing you. That's not enough right now, I know. But maybe it can be of some small comfort to know that you're on his mind just as much as he's been on yours. Hopefully he'll remember how long the last two months probably felt, and not want a repeat of that. We don't know what he'll do. I know you're preparing yourself not to ever hear from again, and I think that's a good form of self-protection just in case. But my hope for you is that he'll man up at some point. If he doesn't, then he wouldn't make for a very good life-long partner anyhow.

[Ksol9]

Thank you lostlove76 you are 100% right. If he doesn't man up then that is in my best interest to move on because he would not make a good partner.

 

Last night, I took a peek at his Facebook again. I noticed he posted some photos of his parents. He got an album back from a family member. It is the last thing he has of his parents. It sat on the table for months. He didn't want to open it or go through it. He told me he will look through it when he was ready. He went through it last night and post a few of the photos on Facebook. He looks just like his father. His father died when he was just a few months old and his mother died when he was 12. He had such a terrible life. IF everything that has happened with him and I has prompted him to reflect on all the things he has been through in his life, then hopefully he will begin to think about all that he wants and needs. As you said, sometimes you need to experience loss in order to change. I need to be patient and just hope and pray that he is thinking about all that is going on in his life. I took the time to do that when we split up for 2 months. Now it is his turn.

 

I haven't heard from him since that last text. I don't think I'll hear from him again or at least for a while. Everyday is a struggle. I think of him constantly.

[Ksol9]

Anger settling in....

 

I was just thinking about how I found some emails from the same woman in February a week after we broke up. She said she had sent him a text on his daughters bday and he never replied. Why does this make me so angry??

We were still together. We celebrated his daughters bday with my family. We had a party with my family. He gave this woman the confidence to continuously interfere in our relationship because HE gave her the confidence that he was interested in her regardless of him being in a relationship or not. Isn't that ridiculous?? He has this classless woman texting him when we were celebrating his daughters bday. If he was a decent man and if he had nothing to hide and was serious about our relationship, he would have told me about that. He hid it and it then a couple weeks later he broke up with me. Who knows what was really behind that. I'm so angry! He allowed other women to disrespect me and our relationship and I'm over here crying over him! Why would I even consider forgiving that?! What in the world makes me think any of this would change?? Im not mistaken. He was just careless with our relationship. He allowed other women to linfer around because he would contact them whenever we were fighting. What kind of child's play is that? He wasn't confident in himself enough to say to himself, I'll just relax until things smooth over with my gf. If we break up then I can think about getting involved with someone else. This relationship was so messy because of him and I allowed it for too long. I finally walked out and now I want back in? I must be out of my mind!!

[lostlove76]

I know just how you feel! I'm struggling with the same emotions. Mine did some horrible things, and here I am still wishing he would call and change for the better so that we could be together. You're right, it's a bit insane. But honestly, it's pretty normal. Our hearts and minds battle each other, and more often than not, the heart wins. The anger you're experiencing is perfectly justified and normal as well. It's all part of the process.

 

I really don't understand why these men do what they do, flirting (or worse) with other women, when they already have a perfectly good girlfriend. It doesn't make any sense, unless you really dig down deep and try to find what causes them to do it. Childhood wounds, entitlement, selfishness, need for variety, whatever the case may be. I think it helps to understand where it's coming from, but without being a professional, it's all speculation to some degree. To me, it seems so easy just NOT to do it. You know it's wrong, so don't do it. Very simple. Same with these sleazy women who participate with them in it - you know the guy is in a relationship, so keep your hands to yourself. Easy! But something about them makes them feel it is okay, I guess. They lack the values that we have. Makes me just as angry as it makes you. I don't know if you read other threads here much, but I see all the time posts written by women who are involved with married or taken men, and you can tell they just have zero guilt or empathy for the wife/gf. All they care about is themselves. Same with the cheating men - in the moment they're doing it, they're being entirely selfish.

 

I don't know what the solution is. I don't know if they can change. Maybe they have to hit a rock bottom where they've really lost something big before they'll even consider that their actions are a problem. I hope yours will go through that this time. If he doesn't, then he doesn't deserve you!

[Ksol9]

And just think...I am feeling this way and we are not together. Imagine what I would be going through if we were together? I read on different forums about couples who experience infidelity. It's a long road and when the person who was betrayed stays or gets back with their partner, there are a lot of ups and downs. They talk about simple things that trigger thoughts about the affair. They talk about outbursts of anger, arguments, and the patience and understanding it takes for the other partner to work things out. It takes a lot of dedication, communication, love , and patience to get through it. Mine was so defensive for every little thing throughout our relationship, I don't think that will ever change. I also read that if the partner who had the affair is not remorseful or doesn't show any guilt, there is no way to reconcile.

 

There is also a huge upside. stronger, better relationship. More communication. Better sex. Teamwork. But all of this is possible ONLY if you have 2 willing partners who don't want to lose one another. It is absolutely possible to overcome infidelity. In fact, it is sometimes the reason for the relationship becoming solid.

 

For example, in your situation. He is in a relationship at the moment. It's impossible to go through the normal stages after you lose someone. He feels no remorse, guilt, he can't miss you UNTIL reality starts to settle in and the newness of his current relationship fades. Which is absolutely going to happen. If the both of you had a serious relationship, those thoughts and feeling will eventually catch up to him.

 

In my case, my partner is not with anyone else. Not in a serious relationship anyway. He may be thinking of me, maybe even miss me, but he hasn't shown not even an inkling of remorse or guilt for what he has done. He hasn't even shown he wants to try to salvage the relationship. In two weeks, I heard one text from him asking about the children's bus stop. I don't think for a second this man is missing me in a way that he would want to save our relationship. I don't think for a second he's just giving this some time. I'd be surprised if I ever heard from him again. I feel like I am stuck in bubble. I have a hard time being realistic about my situation. My relationship is over. This man knew he messed up and he knows there is no way around it so he is choosing to let it go. He let me walk out that door. I don't care how much I emphasized I didn't want anything to do with him ever again. I don't care how mad he thinks I am. A man who truly wants to be apart of a woman's life and doesn't want to lose her, will not let it go that easily.