Confused on a basis of feelings

[Madman1373]

I've had a rough and interesting few months with my ex girlfriend, who broke up with me. Going love to hate and bacloser to love, it just gets really confusing. I drove her mad trying to get her back, only to push her away and she hate me. In that meantime she pursued other men which did not for work for her, while I waited and thought about what happened while continuing NC with her. Many weeks later she contacted me wanting to be friends, and it evolved from there. Going from her wanting to be friends to her admitting she has feelings for me but can't be with me. Now, she has put up a guard and won't let her feelings get to her because she is done with relationships because she is apparently tired of being hurt, nothing of which I had done.

In the meantime of the NC period, I had began to reconnect with an old friend that I've known for several years. We had begun to hangout and it was amazing. She quite honestly is someone I would like to be with and could easily be with, but I still had feelings for my ex. Over the period of waiting on her, the love I had for her feels like it's subsided, not dissappeared, but just waiting.

The more I hung out with my old friend( let's call her susan) the more I've developed feelings for her.

I feel confused now though, I want to continue on, be with susan ( we are considering on really dating) but I still have those subsided feelings for my ex that pull me back.....

[DoF]

You are not ready for new relationship. And let's be honest, you have attraction for Susan THUS she is not your friend.

 

Give it 3-6 month no contact with ex and heal/recover.

 

During this time, keep distance from opposite sex as well.

[SooSad33]

Sounds like your are still too much emotionally involved with your Ex.. to be able to get fully involved with Susan.

 

I too suggest you back off at this time and take some serious down time for a few months to take care of YOU. You need to work on accepting & healing from this break up before you can mentally & emotionally move on again.

You dont want to end up hurting yourself & Susan because YOU weren't able or ready....

 

Too many times, have I heard about others being 'used' as a Fwb, which is totally wrong, because someone ends up gettinng hurt, emotionally.. as the other isnt ready to get involved in the proper way...

[ThatwasThen]

Now, she has put up a guard and won't let her feelings get to her because she is done with relationships because she is apparently tired of being hurt,

This is someone that you need to go zero contact with because as you keep in contact, you are allowing the residual emotional attachment to continue. Stop talking to your ex altogether because she is not capable of being a good partner with all that baggage and jadedness she is harbouring.

 

As you go forward and get closer and closer to the stage of indifference to your ex, through your zero contact, you will be able to tell if Susan is the real deal or just using her to help you get over the first girl.

[Madman1373]

Do you all feel like I'm being used by my ex? Am I an emotional crutch to her?