do i end it or am i being stupid

[focus18]

Hi people first time post ...

 

So if anyone has an answer hit me with it unless its just pure abuse then i dont need it

 

So im 23 and around 2 years ago i split from a girl i had been with for 6 years (terrible high school relationship that went on too long) we cheated on each other alot we done nothing exciting together so it ended ....

 

very quickly after i met a girl and i felt like i had been hit by a wall of love from the first minute she was amazing ... 3 months later we made things official . So im in a great relationship with a girl from a different city who inspires me to be the best i can so i start working out more eating better going back to education shes soo trusting i trust her she never gets jealous which is such a dream compared to the nightmare with the last girl ... for the first time in my life i feel like im not trying to be someone else everything is going amazing ...

 

now 2 years on and for the past 6 months i have been having doubts the sex kinda went quiet for a while ... she seemed to become less exciting and more negative she never goes out so she has no new stories to tell me i start noticing things about her apperance i dont like but shes still the most lovely person so im thinking it must just be a phase give it time ....

 

then a girl starts in my work shes really good looking we flirt alot she has a bf ... until he catches on to the flirting and breaks up with her by this point im confused as hell ! Do i end things with my gf and see were this goes or am i being a complete ... so this tug of war was going on in my head for a while . Then my gf notices the relationship isnt going well so we have a conversation and she agrees we both got lazy and need to try more so now shes trying to have sex with me alot more (which isnt the only problem) and im never in the mood ... until i go to work and see this girl then all i want to do is rip her clothes off

 

So one thing leads to another and ive been sleeping with this girl from work for a month and she thinks me and my gf are on a break ( im a **** i know but im trying to work on that) ... i really like this girl but i dont know if it would work and i also dont want my gf to find out cause if we break up i dont want to hurt her further .

 

So ...

do i end things with my gf and go with the girl in work ?

Do i end things with the girl in work and stay with my gf and give it another shot ?

Do i end things with my girlfriend and be single (which i havent ever been since i was 14 )

 

Any help would be great ...

[Clinton]

Be single for awhile. You don't seem to know what you want right now.

[Capricorn3]

Be single for awhile. You don't seem to know what you want right now.

 

I totally agree with this. You need to be single for a good long while to sort yourself out.

[johndoe169]

Yup exactly what they said but you have to come clean with the girl your with now or it'll just turn really ugly then you'll carry this guilt with you. Just come clean and break it off, break it off in good terms though. Honesty is the best policy. Right now you have no clue on what to do with these women but first you need to stay single for a while and find yourself. So what if you're gonna be single, sometimes being single is good because you find thing's that you love about yourself being single.

[leseine7]

You end things with your gf because you cheated on her as soon as times got real (the honeymoon phase ended,basically), and she deserves a lot better than how you are treating her.

 

You be single until you can learn how to be in a real relationship, since you clearly aren't interested in one.

 

You get bored once the thrill wears off and the girls you are dating become human beings with negative emotions and insecurities. You want to the excitement and not real love - and you definitely don't understand what love really is, and certainly have never felt it if you can cheat so easily on these girls. You're setting yourself up for a lifetime of awful relationships and entanglements by lying and cheating every time your relationships get 'less exciting.' Grow up, go to therapy, and once you've taken a few years to be REALLY single then maybe consider a relationship.

[focus18]

Thanks for replies people ...

leseine7 trust me it wasnt easy its been driving me insane with guilt but im majorly confused and somehow spending time with the other girl is helping ( i know poor me right ) ...

 

Ending things with the current girl is going to be hard in its self but the being single part is terrifying !! Ive never done it i feel id be really lost ... and what if in a couple of months i regret the decsion there isnt a return policy on this kinda thing ...i really just wish i could bring the spark back cause i think im too young to never feel it again ... right girl wrong time ...

[marissaDev]

You have to be honest with everyone: your girlfriend, your co-worker and yourself. Deceit is a really dangerous tool to play around with and while you obviously can't go back and change the fact that you cheated, you need to let your gf know what has been happening. It's the right thing to do. You also need to let your co-worker know that you are not in fact on a break. This is going to seem harsh but it sounds like you've been thinking only about your own feelings, which of course is important but not when you're doing destructive things that are affecting others' feelings. You don't want your co-worker to find out you're not on a break I'm guessing because you're afraid she won't want to be around you anymore? And you don't want to tell your girlfriend because you don't want to hurt her further? It sounds more like you want to save face.

 

To answer your question, you should end things with your girlfriend. You cheated on her not once but on a regular basis. The fear of not hurting her further is kind of irrelevant at this point because the worst damage is already done. You can't just stay in a relationship with her if you're unhappy, yet feel pity for her if you dump her. You don't have to quote on quote dump her, but have an open and honest conversation with her about what you've been hiding, and then say how it's really best for you guys not to stay together, given that you both haven't been happy lately.

 

If you do end things with your gf, I don't advise running to your co-worker. Even if she wanted to be with you, things would likely be off to a rocky start, since she's under the impression you have been on a break this whole time you were sleeping together. My best advice is what the others are saying, to be single. You're 23 and have been in relationships since you were 14, which is extremely young. I also think you need to discover what you want and also work on being more honest with everyone, including yourself.

[Sportster2005]

You think entirely with your small head, not your big head. Can't fix that.

 

You cheat yet, you are telling us you don't need abuse. Too bad you aren't as empathetic with women as you demand us to be with you.

[intheferns]

You are using these girls. Using them. Do you think that is what a good person does?

 

You're using them to not be alone, not because you seem to really care much for either. If you cared about your gf and respected her as a person, you wouldn't be cheating on her with the girl from work. You're only keeping her around in case office girl becomes tiresome or leaves you.

 

The idea of being alone is so unbearable to you that you'd rather be a liar and a cheat. What are you so afraid of being alone?

[katelyntal]

i agree you need to be single or be with someone else it isn't fair to either woman especially the one whom you are dating currently

[focus18]

everyone was correct i needed to end it and be honest and i didnt go with the girl from my work. thanks for all the advise but i needed to realise i was doing wrong by my self ! it ended around may and now i am just dating nothing serious.