Thought things were going well, now I'm not sure...

[Krankor]

OK, so I started seeing this woman just a couple of weeks ago. A few years older, co-worker. Obviously it's very new, but I had a sexual fling with her a few years back, so we're hardly strangers just starting out. I've posted about that before, so I won't rehash the whole thing.

 

After thinking that I wasn't going to get what I want, things started going well. We've talked everyday. Her ex who she recently ended things with has tried to get her back a few times; she's ignored him for the most part but has told him a couple of times that no, she wants to pursue something with me now, and he seems to have finally given up. She wanted to take things slower with me this time because she didn't want a purely physical relationship like last time, and I've reassured her that I'm looking for more than that with her this time, too. I've already met one of her daughters and both of her parents. Her daughter took my picture surreptitiously and snapchatted it to her friends, saying "My mom's new boyfriend is cute." About a week ago as she was leaving my house, she grabbed me and pulled me into a long, lingering hug. I could tell that she wanted me to kiss her, and so I did. When it was done, she said "Wow, that was really good." A couple of days later, she sent me a text asking if I was still interested in her, and I told her I was. She said "Me too" and basically indicated that she was ready for things to get sexual again. The other night, I hung out with her at her house and we took her dog for a walk. We both prefer that kind of casual thing to "going out on dates," so that's one area where we seem compatible. I didn't make a move towards sex because I could tell that it wasn't quite the right time, but when I left another long hug and make-out session. She said "Man I love kissing you" afterward and sent me a text after I left saying how glad she was I came over.

 

So, it's too early to call it a relationship, but we do have our history and it seems to be heading in that direction, which is what I want. However, she's had a trip planned for Mexico with her mom and some of her female friends for a long time and left for it a few days ago. The day she was leaving to go stay overnight in a Motel by the airport, she texted me that she wanted to stop by quick. She stopped by to check out the new furniture I just bought and we just talked and hung out for a bit. Her dog was in the car so she couldn't stay long, and she got up and announced "I'm just going to go. I'm in a bad mood and need a drink." She said goodbye and she walked out, but it left me a little cold. I was thinking "OK, I'm not going to see you for a week, and that's it? Not even a quick hug goodbye?" But, she had announced to me that she'd gotten her period the night before, so I figured maybe she was just a little hormonal and had a lot to do quick before she left for her trip. But she sent me no texts at all afterward. No "Hey, just got to the Motel, see you in a week." No "leaving for the airport, excited." Nothing. I hadn't planned to text her maybe more than once or twice just to check in, because who wants to be pestered when they are on vacation? But the way I already feel about her, I would have at least said "goodbye" in a text before I left and maybe sent her one by now saying something like "Having a good time, see you soon." Something. But it's like I just completely dropped off her radar. I did send her a text just saying "Wanted to say a quick hello. Hope you're having fun and see you when you get back." She sent me back a text saying "It's all good. No more tequila for this girl, just beer and sun for the next couple of days."

 

Something about this just doesn't seem right. But maybe I'm expecting too much too soon and reading too much into it. Then again, maybe this is where I find out that I was just a rebound like some people tried to warn me about.

[Kam2014]

Hi Kankor, I do think it is too early to over analyse the situation. She has just come out of one relationship so might just being cautious. I understand why people are saying this might be a rebound BUT it might not be. When she returns from Mexico maybe just see what happens - if she is cold, then maybe now is not the time to persue anything.

 

Do you really like her or you would just like her to be upfront with whst she wants?

[Krankor]

Do you really like her or you would just like her to be upfront with whst she wants?

 

I really like her. She had strong feelings for me when we had our fling before, but I ended up kind of having to blow her off because I was going through a nasty break up and just wanted to be single for a while. It was only within the past few months that I began to have feelings for her but they grew pretty strong. But I can handle anything and do just want her to be upfront with me. So far, she's done nothing but pleasantly surprise me every step of the way, but this situation just feels funny to me.

[datestar]

It does sound frustrating but it is one time thing too right? Something might have happened in the morning or night before that ruined her mood. I mean if she didn't like you at all, why would she drop by your place just to see the furniture right before she leaves for the motel?

If she's a type of girl who likes hearing from you, I think it wouldn't be a bad idea to text her every couple days and see how everything is when she returns.

[ParisPaulette]

Well, at this stage of the game you're still getting to know each other. Things going well in the beginning is never an indication that things will continue to go well, never. Because at that point you two really don't know each other all that well, not as a couple.

 

It's what comes to pass after you're both comfortable with each other and find out who this person really is behind all the rush of new love pheremones that counts. Either there will be more and you'll grow together or you'll go, "Ooops, my bad, didn't know that about you before and it's a dealbreaker for me," and at that point you'd be wise to move on.

 

But in the meantime just pull back a bit, see if she comes to you. And see if that behavior is a repeat pattern or a one-time anomaly. If it turns out to be a dealbreaker for you then it will be, but at this stage it's a bit early to do anything, but file it as something to note and move on.